You Really Bash Yourself

in your inner dialog when you are alone, and right hand and forearm are in a cast.  and you are me.  You call yourself names that should not be said to anyone.  Or not many, any way.

you think what an idiot it takes to maneuver one's life into such a corner.  Then you realize you have never been good at discerning friend from foe, real from fiction in many contexts.  People will often betray trust if it comes down to some perceived advantage.  Among the very young, they often do it for fun.

But when you don't know, you often shortchange the wrong people and it is too bad.

I have the possibility of becoming very healthy.  Some real living and maybe head issues to resolve, but no legit  excuse why that cannot be done as well as the work I need to do.

My blood levels are now normal.  Still taking the pill, but don't be surprised if that is even cut back.   My secret plan may be working.  Could all be coincidence.  I try to vary things to tell but it is hard to be,positive which cause is absolutely tied to which effect.   Pretty sure I have influenced things.

So learning to live left hand dominant causes me to pay more attention and force myself to be more patient.  One trick is to relax my right arm while attempting something difficult left handed.   My right hand will be tensing and dreaming about doing the task.  It tenses and messes things up.  If I relax, then I can patiently focus and accomplish the task.

My necessity is to be able to go on with blinders on at any instant.   I can glimpse the truth of my existence but I need blinders to ignore it, which is all I can take doing.

Well, Enter the Blue Sky recording should be out soon.  CD and itunes, and wherever.  It is called re-entry.   I think it is over an hour long.   13 tunes. a few are over 5 min i think.  we like long songs.  I do.   There is some good instrumental with viola, stand up, and harp sounding different than you may expect.

I am being told end of october it will be done.  Mostly Sande's project; her material, vocal, and ultimate responsibility.   The viola player is well off and has underwritten much of this.

I believe this could do well or fall flat.  I'm to close to it to say.  I am very happy with what the viola and i did with the solid foundation of bass and guitar.  Ho do i know if anyone else will like it?
It is rather unique.  You never know in such cases.  There are people who consider that twit, Kanye, and artist.