Relentless

That is how it is. Like trying to fight a wolverine on meth. A nasty biting animal that won't let up.

So, I make sure I have a confusing mess to ensure I don't check out. Last thing I want to do is leave a mess for the innocent, and not so innocent, to deal with. That keeps me going.

One day I suspect I will not care who gets left with what mess. The older you get the less you give a damn about feelings and convenience of ingrates. You care less and less about anything. It pays to grab on to what you can, even if it is not to leave anything to fuel gossip.

That's what keeps me going at all. The thing that makes me sure I'll lose in the end is relentless, and I guess I really know that I already lost, long ago. And I am mad at myself and many others as a result.