The Eye Nazi

There have been a few peculiarities in my ocular world for a couple of weeks or more. I was pretty sure it was not serious, but it seemed wise to consult professionals rather than guess, considering they had done some internal welding with lasers.

As it turns out, nothing is amiss, and some of the occurrences are normal or caused by external factors of unknown type and character.

Obtaining audience with such a professional was a peculiar journey. First I call and describe, to the best of my ability, what I am experiencing. Like the honey badger, the phone lady don't care. She'll have a tech call me back.

An hour or so later, a tech calls back; the eye nazi from a bad Chinese restaurant.

"You have flashing lights? YES OR NO!?" "So, it just bubble in eye!".

No, not a bubble, like suds look but two dimensional in peripheral vision, sometimes, etc.

"You have bubble? YES OR NO!? "
"What about light flash? YES!? NO?!"

Uh, well, I, uh.... The eye nazi has me on the ropes. I forgot what my problem was. She's getting pissed now and asking questions faster and louder.

I start just telling her what she wants to hear.

Yes. Lights flashing sometimes, and a big bubble come over eye.

"OK, we call Dr asdfkhasdfakh, you doctor out sick."

Maybe I should wait for my doctor.

HE SICK. DON'T KNOW WHEN HE COME BACK. WE CALL DR KJHLGHLHLKJ, AND IF HE WANT YOU IN TODAY CAN YOU GO DOWNTOWN NOW?! YES?! NO!?

OK.

A few hours later the other guy's office calls up. I was expecting some sort of punishment but they tricked me by being nice and seemed to know what I was saying--whatever that was.

As it turned out, the tech I knew and liked had been promoted to lead tech and as such was transfered to the downtown facility, and he's the one I drew by stroke of fate. His first day on new job, and I was his first patient. Definitely an A team sort of guy. That was reassuring, and all went well after that. Dr kshdfgkjhsd turned out to be rather sharp and probably did not get his degree by cheating.

If I go back to the other office in the future and draw the eye nazi, I fear she may poke my eye out if I don't say the right thing.

The sick part is, I started imagining what her love life must be like. "YOU DONE OR WHAT? YES OR NO!!," and many variations on that theme. Now that I think of it, the juxtaposition of this thought with "poke your eye out" kind of takes it to another dimension entirely.

OK. I quit while I can. It's been a swell visit, now I get out.