Friday, September 25, 2009

For All In Tents and Purposes

I should be a consultant to the diplomatic corps, or maybe ambassador at large, offering solutions when conventional wisdom gets in the way.

Case in point: Mo’s tent trouble. That’s Muammar Qaddafi, colonel.
Why would the top dog only be a colonel?
If it were me, I’d opt for the southwestern hemisphere favorite, (name of country) Strong Man, Generalisimo Juan.
Be that as it may, I would have spelled Mo’s name way different if I didn’t have google.
But I would have never spelled Bret Favre’s name the way he does if I hadn’t seen it. Come to think of it, I don’t believe I have ever had reason to spell his name, except maybe when writing checks or making hotel reservations.

Back to Mo, and diplomatic solutions.
Had the unofficial mayor of Coney Island, or the Mayor of New York, or even Hillary,
called or emailed begging for my thoughts on what they should do, I’d have said,
“I have three words for you–K O A”.
Really, what could be simpler? They have Kampgrounds all over the place, and it’s a name you can trust.

One has to wonder that a veteran camper and man of the world like Mo didn’t think of it himself.
No excuse for the others, either.
That’s the problem with people in power; they are dimwitted and unworthy.

Another option which could be a money maker, and to Mo’s delight, keep him in the limelight,
would be to supply him a barge on the Hudson, or thereabouts, and hold an event in which Robbie Knievel
jumps over the tent.

Find a relatively narrow spot.
It’l be a hit if he makes it, or if he lands on Mo’s big top.
Mo could get a cut of the tickets and advertising dollars if he insisted.

Another murderous dictator placated while Americans make some money.
Pay per view would be big in many parts of the world. Let them pay US, I say.

Kissing ass to lunatics needn’t always be a financial burden, as I think this example proves.

Are you as outraged as I am that I’m not on some sort of government payroll,
maybe on a retainer, to offer solutions to such situations?
No doubt, you are.
I’d settle for only two or three hundred thousand per annum, plus expenses, company car, plane, and ultralight.

Feel free to write your local charlatan representative on my behalf.

Thank you.

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Like spring on a summer's day


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