Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Another of Those "Be happy, even if it kills you" Days

Do you have any idea how tough it was for us to buy Father's day cards?  It was for me.  Sometimes these trumped up days of guilt are not a good thing.   It was a pretend thing on Father's day, but it was rare I crossed paths or saw the need for a card when I did, I looked for something that said things along the lines of, "Hey, gee golly, you sure are my dad! How 'bout that".  Stuff that wasn't mean but contained no lies, like almost all the cards.  Now I guess they are less gender specific and ore diverse--whatever that means.

If you appreciate your father's fathering and general behavior, can't you just say so?  Shouldn't he already have a clue whether he's worth a damn or not?   Another inconvenient day when maybe you have better things to do.

Same goes for all these crumby holidays.  Bah humbug!  Oh, that's the wrong one.  But even then a lot of people can feel awful for not having a bunch of money to spend.

Screw that.  If people can't handle you day by day, and then expect something on predetermined trumped up days, then who needs those people?  Not me.

Valentine's is a great one.  I can't remember it ever working out right.  Either I did really nice things and ended up pretty much casting pearls before swine, or I had to work a lot and had no time or energy for it, always something.

I must have blocked the day from my memory because I do not recall a single Valentine's day of any sort.  I only recall feeling bad or unappreciated or like I wasted my time on it.

Valentine's day must be added to my ever growing list of things that are the devil.

Then again, reality aside, way aside, this year I actually could play that game.  However, reality is, I'm sitting on top of the world and I woke up this mornin' and my baby done gone and left me.

Except she wasn't here to begin with.  I said I was putting reality way off to the side somewhere.

Despite what they say, most of the women I know make more than me or my hoodlum friends thee days.  So the pressure should be on them.  Equal everything, "I can hold my own door you pig", and all that.

Times have changed.  Other than me, it isn't the guys on the highway flipping you the finger these days.  I remember when those women would go out of their way to smile at me.  Not now.

They flip you off and don't even bring you a Valentine flower.  I hope none who ever gave me a flower see this.   Wish I could remember who those sweet girls were.  Dumb me, I wouldn't have known the good ones if they bit me on the butt.

Now that I think of it, never mind.

How many people who are otherwise doing fine, feel the pressure of Valentine's day and try to force it?  An that just results in tension, friction, phony nonsense; maybe even divorce or ugly breakup.  All for nothing.

If she doesn't know you like her then she either isn't paying attention or you are being secretive.   No one needed to create a gold digger's dream of a shakedown holiday.

This is a wonderful one for the guy who has a main squeeze and a designing mistress.   You know the type--she is convinced he'll leave the wife and kids, lose all his family and friends, just for her.

And she's not about to make his secret any easier to handle.  He has to play Valentine's Day for both the wife an the one about to ruin his life.

The other chick and the egomaniac deserve one another, but if they are not in the shadows sneaking and deceiving, the whole thing loses its charm.  Another of those crazy problems created by V Day.

Maybe they all had another man and that's why V Day was not so great.  Some guys get off purely on the thought that they are violating another man's sweetie.  That is very sad, isn't it?  Ego related things can be ugly.

So to hell with Valentine's day. I've convinced myself that everyone is either cheating, gold digging, or simply ungrateful swine.

We need a send me to therapy day to fix all this.  Once a year, instead of flowers, deliver a therapist to my doorstep.  Yay. Finally problem solved. What did it take, about a two foot long post?
Sometimes the trouble makers get caught

Sittin' On Top of the World

It's been pointed out that I live on top of the world, and don't have much traffic and neighbors aren't right there in my face.  This is all true.  But if you recall the song, the part that comes before is, "She's gone, but I don't worry.  Cuz I'm sittin' on top of the world".  He's not telling the truth.  He wishes she wasn't gone.  But under the circumstances he's making the best of it.

I'm somewhat like that, although I live an easier, more genteel existence since I'm not hopping trains and such.  Even so, I woke up this morning, and she wasn't here.

Am I too old to fix that?  One minute I think, Yes, you are too old. Life is over for you and you blew it.  God hates you for being such a waste of space, and so do I.  Then the next minute I think, you aren't too old, and if you quit being too stupid, you could do alright.  Just do what you know you need to do, and let the chips fall where they may.  It will be OK.

Bouncing from one thing to the other.   I don't literally mean the God hate part, but the sentiment is there.  No doubt the sort of taunting evil religious siblings use to abuse one another.  Wish I'd have thought of that at an early age.

If I had launched that campaign soon enough I might have had the upper hand.  I was never a controller though, so he beat me to the punch and I have been forever convinced that I am worthless, stupid, disgusting, and troublesome.  I am actually a little troublesome.  The rest, no.  But try convincing me of that.  Of course he had the advantage of being able to start before I could talk.   It's a wonder I never went postal on the males in my family.

Now that I think of it.  Maybe it is best for everyone that I am on top of the world, alone.  I'm not sure about any of it.  Some angel will fill me in on what to do or not do eventually.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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