Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I Must Be Easy

So, I get a call.  "Hey soandso asked us to play at such and such and x% of the door, and open for soandso2. "

And I think, well I have no commitment that I recall.  Lately it is foolish not to see if I have something listed on one calendar or another.  That is a prob.  More than one calendar and rarely keep them all up to date on any given topic.

My consistency is in my inconsistency.  And therein lies the genius of the thing.

Of course, I quickly agree to play as if I know what I'm in for.  We did a set at TinRoof for some reason and I guess the people liked it.  It was a nice place.  And for about 30 minutes, nothing existed beyond just playing.  No thinking, no worry, just suspended in that place.  It is why I do these things. If I let myself get started before I think what a fool I am and how stupid, etc., time just disappears.

Then all of a sudden, that is it. No more.  It feels like two minutes have passed, but it also could be two hours.   Very rarely when I play out does the set feel as long as it is.  A two hour show often feels like thirty minutes or an hour.

You won't believe Day of the Dead.  I think I play six hours on one of the days.  I play four on Halloween.  That is the best gig I have done so far. It pays the best and is most diverse demographic. It has come to the point where I hate to use the word diverse because it has become a stupid, almost cartoonish battle cry for those seeking victimhood and trying to legitimize hostility toward people who are just minding their own business.  But they aren't doing it with the right race, gender, lack of gender, sexual preference, non preference, compulsion, etc.

And that has nothing at all to do with diversity. Diversity is not a virtue in most cases. It is just a situational think. We have a diverse array of paint colors. A diverse selection of nitwit trading cards, featuring a diverse cast of characters drawn from Hollywood and Washington DC.  And all parts of California.

Companies have long had VPs of diversity,.  They may make the title bigger by adding another buzzword. Diversity and sustainability. Diversity and equality.  Diversity and human relations.

I forget the specific example from a past employer.  That VP was a viper.  Female, sexist, racist underhanded creep.  Sexist to the point of clear and open dishonesty and corruption.

Many people in the business world think that is what you have to do.  They think that is free enterprise capitalism.  It is not.  It is lack of character.  Dress it up however you wish.  You know you have worked around people who would probably OK a hit on someone if they thought it would ensure their job security at 25k per year, or even less.

That is the thing.  We have hundred-aires selling out every bit as much as, or more than, millionaires. You'd think the hundred aire would be less likely to let someone die if it meant he could keep his hundreds.  I would assert that he is as likely as the millionaire to throw his fellow man under the bus. Literally.

Observations like that cause me to be reluctant throwing myself into solidinosc with every mob or demonstration.  I don't care what they support.  Besides they probably think it is OK to violate rights of others to make their point.

Oh, I was talking about playing and how I just agree in an uninformed way.  It is embarrassing to admit that most of my decisions are rather uninformed.  I think I have a phobia to informing myself about my life and options for sustaining it.  Makes no sense but that is how it has been forever I think.

I miss being married, even though that was lifetimes ago.  I really should have stuck with it and accepted the help available to me.  On the other hand, maybe she is better off.  One part of me hopes so.  Another hopes not.

Never Trust Aspiring Actresses

That is my take.  The aspiring actress/ex-concubine of my employer was very nice and sweet in person.  They trashed many aspects of the place.

Damaged the super telescope that has an electronic controller, kind of like a remote.  Left a large pan, with at least two quarts of oil in it, outside on the grill in a very nice AllClad pot, covered by the stainless rectangular cover which covers two separate side burners of the grill complex.

Managed to drip fish and crab juice all over the refrigerator, leaving serious fish smell.

Separated at least half the louvers on a wood louvered window covering from the vertical piece that opens and closes them.

Somehow removed about a four by six inch area of the finish off on one table.  Ruined a couple of towels and a robe.

There will be more.  I spent much of today trying to rescue the fridge.   Such is my life.  The good part is that it is indoors, and indoors has a/c and that helps ward off the demons.

I think she had to assert her high maintenance actress creds.  A little revenge maybe since the boss cut her off from having all the groceries and booze she wanted to order, brought in and paid for by him.  She was spending close to $2000.00 sometimes for 3 people for 3 days.  Just food and alcohol.  Then she'd load up the left over into coolers and go home to L.A. at the end of trashing the place.

Sometimes she trashes it worse than others.  Never gives accurate figure on number of people coming. Often lies and says just her and her mother, then she has ten people staying there.

But, she can be charming and she was nice when I went to eradicate invisible ants by the bar b q grill.

I cannot figure out what is what with her or her mother or their friends.  It is uncanny how they can make problems.

So, let's just take her off the list right now.  Without a sizable dowry, I refuse to marry her.  And that's that.

Monday, September 28, 2015

It Must Be My Imagination

In no way do I feel normal or right.  But the lower hydrea dose seems to have most blood levels in a good place.  The iron whatever is pretty much within bounds, and the other metabolic thing was OK except for one value and that wasn't very high, just a little.

I'm thinking, if I still have symptom,s I don't like then why bother with the medical annoyance?   Maybe it is all just part of being nuts.  Could it be the same or better if I did nothing?  No more doctor visit, tests, or, when I run out, no more hydroxyurea.  

I just do not know.   I do know something has got to give.  This Limbo state is unacceptable.  If I am imagining these symptoms then I need to quit it. It is all mental.  If I am not imagining it, then I need to fix it, or get better stuff for treating it.  I don't even know what "it" is.

Enough is enough and I have had it with feeling like this.  I hit spells, sometimes more than an hour, of feeling great and not finding mundane tasks and behaviors tedious and daunting.   And not finding the slightest activity setting off some crazy body heat thing with the itching, fatigue, fog, etc.  Like rolling in fiber glass insulation while over heated and/or short of breath.

That's worst case.  Best case is better.

But, I cannot trust my mind a lot right now, especially on impulse thoughts.  That I know.  I find that I am wrong too often for it to be everyone else or explainable by other excuses.  I am just mistaken.  But I know when I know and when maybe I could be wrong.  But I have to be careful to pay attention a little more.

Probably a result of the hydrea, and maybe due to anemia, but even those numbers are slightly better. So, I think I should find energy, get some income coming from online or other source not dependent upon location.  Then I should move to Colorado or other cool, low humidity location.   I wonder if I could pull that off even if I wanted to.  I doubt it.

But there has to be a more energetic life to be had.  I manage to make music gigs and practice.  Being in a purely social setting is torture.  I am always feeling weird or in pain.  That can be pushed away by doing something, like play, most of the time but not always.  So I work it so I am only around people when I have to be and I avoid a lot.  This can't remain the same.  But it probably will.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

If We Judge By My Life, Salvador Dali must be God

Or Visa Versa, if you will.  [late edit in response to comment: correct is "vice versa" yet here it is not correct.  Although incorrect does fit with the material in a self deprecating  subtlety of the "if Obama did it, it is brilliant, if Bush did the same thing, it is moronic" variety]  If you won't is never addressed when such expressions are used.  Hardly a democratic attitude.

See, I am of the ilk who knows what democratic means in this context, and that it is unrelated to Clintons or Obama or the party.  The sort of ilk that doesn't just grow on trees.

At least I managed to meet the hot actress at the rancho house.  She even hugged me when I left and brought out a coke that said "share a Coke with John".  And she gave me the coke.  Not just for show. Hard not to like people who make you smile like that.  So we overlook the other zany aspects.  But I think she has toned down a bit.  She just did a zombie movie but she is the lead and not a zombie.

Not sure of her age.  Thirtyish, I'd say.  Best decade for most people as far as attractiveness goes.  Plus by then people have some sense, but not so much that it spoils their fun or their hope.  I did say most people, not all.

I wonder if my harsh call to the doctor's office had an effect.  When I went for the lab, which they actually put in this time, there were 3 tests ordered, instead of just the CBC.  I have results for two of them.  The other takes longer.  Anyway, that indicates that maybe the guy decided to take a look at a few other things.  Nothing looks way out to me right now.   Sort of.

So, that bit of extra thought in the lab order is a good sign. I hate to fire anyone, including my doctors. Even though they act as if you are the one who can get fired.

It would be way easier if you could just get your own meds without seeing doctors and all that.  Admittedly it could weed out some of what needs weeding out.  But it could also save some lives. You can die going through the system, especially if you are not well set or back by the guns of government.

No one thinks like that, but even if you are a good thing, like a librarian, your healthcare is ensured by the fact that they have the guns and can take your money.

Just fact, no call, yea or nay, here.

So now we have another bass player I guess.  Alberto is probably in his 20's, has very little experience.  Less than five years I think.  And he is great to play with. He's got a real feel and he melts into the whole.  But he's creative and does what I would consider taking chances with his runs.  It works well so far.  I don't count on any bass staying long right now, but I welcome this change.  The old bass played with us at Hard Rock Cafe the other night, and yikes.  Weird, out of place, loud jazz runs and off timing.  Seriously not working out.  This is a person with all kinds of creds and training so I have to wonder what is up with that.

But, I would imagine certain radical identity change could be the stamp of an inconsistent and, maybe, troubled soul.

I don't get it.  But I don't have to.  I have my views of what could maximize the possibilities of the sound and material.

Call me shallow, but I really did not enjoy it when people would come up to me and say, "Hey, I think your bass player is a man!   That's a man, right?".   How would I know?

Ok, how I would know is not something that is going to happen.  As if I am responsible for trans whatness.  Wasn't my idea, and anything I know on that topic is not by intention.

I do not care to know some stories yet I end up knowing them.

So, yea, at one time the lass was a lad, and whether the surgery was ever done, we do not know.  Not before a marriage and the fathering of a son took place, sometime in the seventies; that much is certain.

I never detected any of the items in question.  Nor could I determine a lack thereof.  I believe the grope would be the quickest way to answer the question.

 I prefer you do it.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Still Trying to Row Upstream

The interesting two week, plus a day or two, stay on Point Loma is over.   Regardless of how the picture looked to me, I had responsibilities that directly affected others, not to mention the implied agreement and commitment to fulfill expectations.  That kept the depression at bay to a degree.  No choice about letting it swallow me up.  Animals had to be fed and I needed to be sure the house was as good or better when the owners returned.

No question that there is a remarkable bond between Frank, the dog, and myself.  I am not a dog person but I had to make an exception.  This dog knows stuff and must have been to counselor school sometime in his past.  We communicate very well.

I taught  him to sit and lay down without actually having to teach him.  He just knows what I am talking about.  Besides, laying down is his got-to condition in response to almost any stimulus.   But he would also come when I ask.  And he would wait when I asked, like "wait before jumping out of the car or into the car.  Their car, not mine.

It is rare I like a creature that much.  I will miss Mr. Relaxation, without a doubt.  Never did see Lucy and Baxter again.  I always dod the Shelter Island walks just at dawn.  Out of there by full sunrise.  I like it better with fewer people and hardly any other people with dogs.  Most are OK, but plenty have creepy dogs or are creepy people.   If you have a hell dog, why even go out where other people go?

I feel a little nervous about canceling doctor visits, but, really, this guy is not offering insights and even interested enough to familiarize himself with my case very well, or concerned enough to refresh his scant knowledge prior to the visit.  Just a look at the file would help.  But maybe his notes are so scant that he gets the wrong picture from reading them. We will see how the new plan works.  These are may records so it should not be so hard to get copies of what I want.  I'll get to the lab thurs or fri. And then see what the Iowa guy says.  Something seems not quite right, or else I am only imagining things and only think I feel this way.

I'd say the blues are enemy number one, and being a plural word, maybe two and three as well.

Another session at Hard Rock Cafe on Thurs.  I played there a week ago last monday with another group.  The sound man is getting used to me.   I do not understand why we are practicing with one bass player but doing the gig with another.  Entirely different styles and approaches.  One is a young guy with not too much experience, but a natural intuition and ability to be part of the whole which is rare.  The other one is highly educated, much more jazz oriented and does not give off the vibe of being part of the unit so much.  A good player but I don't know.  Plus when someone tells stories which cannot possibly be true, for whatever reason, it makes things awkward.

Much of that is likely due to the avoidance of admitting being born and having children as one sex, then deciding the real person inside is the other sex, and identifying like that.  No clue if surgery ever happened or not.  Not many are actually fooled.  But it is off-putting.  I'm sorry, but it is a pretense of sorts which I endure out of deference to the front person and Karen the viola player.  It is Sande's group, and she knows I'd rather just stick with one bass player right now, and play just the three of us when that one cannot play.

Truthfully, I am too ground down to take on these battles anyway.  As long as I can play and add interest or excitement, and make practices, that's all I need worry about. I have enough of simple life fears as it is.  Keep worrying I will kick before getting stuff straightened out and shielded against the state.   What the hell is wrong with people that they ever let the state hold life's work or accumulation hostage, as if anything family or designated heirs receive is up to the government?

Seriously sick and jealous people rationalize anything when it comes to what others should do or not.

I hope I get the simple stuff taken care of.  That would make life much better.  Maybe I won't even kick any time soon, although I would not put money on it.  Not unless things change.  They'll not get it figured out on their own.  The health care debacle is another sort of civilized institution which has long evolved on an aberrant course.  The doctor-as-God motif has been pushed for as long as I can remember.  Mostly that is just a money making image.  And the bureaucracy has crept in for many decades.  This latest iteration with buy-or-die insurance only enhanced the really stupid aspects.  Maybe some have benefitted.

I hear horror story after horror story of dismissive physicians, here in San Diego, usually at the same outfit where my less than satisfactory doctor can be found. But not exclusively.  Many stories of lame diagnoses with physicians discounting the patients story of symptoms etc., with either dire consequences or eventually the patient find someone else who gets it right.  But the arrogant ones never admit their mistake.  All is the patient's fault even when it makes no sense in light of facts.

I would walk away from it all now if I had my life and house in order.  I really would.  I am afraid to do that now because I don't think I can get much done without trying to control some blood level issues.  I cannot wait until I feel organized enough to get away from the medical system.  I hate the attitude, assumptions, and method of operation about as much as I do the intrusiveness and master of the people mentality of government agencies.   Remember when motrin required a prescription?  That is insanely corrupt and insulting.  The setup sucks, despite the remarkable progress over the years in procedures and all that.  The administrative structure, and prescription set up is pure nonsense.

Hell with it.  I am preoccupied with my own illness and I am sorry that I am.  We will quit doing that soon.  I will begin a conscious effort to not discuss it at all if I can.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Clairvoyance from Afar on the ol' Gridiron

This one is short.  Those high school players who clocked the ref?  They are lying, and playing the adults for the politically correct morons they are.  Definitely lying.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

I Still Find these "Awareness" Things to be largely bunk

I have always been irked by the approach used by most charities and victimhood organizations.  Often, I would try to examine my aversion to their tactics and found it difficult to pin down.  For example, I think 5K runs are marvelous but I recoil on the self aggrandizement I see on the T shirts and in the rhetoric of people who claim they are fighting to cure something by walking or pouring ice on their heads.

My thought has always been, go get an education on the topic and do some real troubleshooting and experimenting.  People could have marched for days and days to find a cure for darkness, but the result would not have been a single light bulb.  It is a business.

Be that as it may, I always wondered, "What if I had that disease?  Would I feel differently?"  I guess not.

On the site which is all the info and cutting edge stuff related to myeloproliferative neoplasms--f'd up bone marrow stuff---they announced that

September is National Blood Cancer Awareness Month

Yay.  Why am I not overly enthused?  No telling.  I guess I'd rather it be "Kick  arrogant, useless, pompous, disrespectful hematologists and oncologists in the ass month.  And punch them in the nose too!!"

 But, that is just me, I'm sure.  And maybe the doctors who go nuts because of the idiocy of their less respectful colleagues agree.  I know of at least one who does.  But he's in Iowa.  

So, part of taking matters into my own hands requires trying to educate myself a bit.  Believe me, I do not pretend to understand or even try to nail down the biology and chemical factors in minute detail.  I do try to keep up with treatments and diagnosis of specific subgroups among the bone marrow production disorders.  That is what myeloproliferative means.  

And I often worry that I am too resentful and hard on my hematologist.  But then I look at info from conferences and such, all listing symptoms associated with various conditions, or percentage of people in that group with particular symptoms.  This is the guy who said my symptoms were irrelevant.  And the guy who forgot that half the problem is anemia, and also did not order labs even though cell counts and such are the big deal.

For awhile I just wanted to ignore it and not think.  But then after that last visit, I saw little choice. This pompous caste system advocate from S.Africa would let people die before he would acquire enough humility to reasonably trouble shoot, or suspend his ego for ten seconds. 

But to the point.  Even though I have this rare disease.  It was rare disease awareness month or week not long ago. Geez.  Even though; I still would get no big thrill out of a T-shirt or people running around the block.  How about making it legal to seek any drug or therapy that you choose to try?  Things like that.  Get the FDA, which serves mainly to facilitate pharmaceutical wars between companies and the public.  If you are in then they help you. If you aren't then your product is forbidden.

Adults should not have to have permission to get pain relief.  As it is, many are in horrendous pain but have minimal resources and their doctors are afraid of various agencies ruining their practice if they just do the compassionate thing.  It is a sick, "Mother may I?" game that treats one set of adults as having the right to dictate and be the arbiter of other adults choices.  And the majority of people seem ok with that.  Just cannot help that busy body, pushy thing.

And again that brings me back to charities. Good cause or not, do not harass me for more money at the checkout counter.   Do not push and cajole me at work, making it like you are so holy for being a pushy charity cop, and anyone who doesn't like it is heartless.  Screw off!!  Nervy ass companies. You want big numbers for the charity?  Give me a raise or pay it yourself.  Maybe my charity is helping the poor family down the street buy the kid shoes.  Or food. 

I tell you, the big charity game is bunk.

So, we are all now aware that there are a zillion kinds of blood cancer.  Lots of people live longer than you will if they have the type that is well contained with certain dope.  Some people do not do so well because of sensitivity or something; they have bad side effects, etc. 

The thing is, you probably have worries of your own.  I do not care if you are aware.  What they should have is a month to raise awareness that you cannot be aware of everyone else's conditions of life, needs, or best choices.  That would go a long way toward improving stuff for all.

Anyone knows that there are more avenues of research which can yield useful results than one could ever count or know.  Often doing research in one area sheds light on some unexpected field.  Nincompoops and pretend scientists don't get that.

So, my theory is that my symptoms more closely fit myeloid fibrosis, probably secondary, but even in that there are inconsistencies.  The inconsistencies present with the polycythemia vera dx are consistent with the MF dx. It is crazy.  But even crazier if you are poor and limited in choices.  Believe me, the whole affordable health care debacle just lulls the poor and stupid to sleep while the bureaucracy of the allegedly free stuff systematically kills them off through incompetence and pure neglect.  A sick citizen is of little use to the greater good.  Believe me, eugenicists really are in positions of power.  And they are not always right.  

Sometimes they are, I guess.  
For example, a husband and father in my situation is way more worth helping than I am.  Assuming he is trying to help support and provide guidance and all that for his family, and carry his weight in the marriage.  But this system of pretend medicine will result in many like that falling through the cracks.  It is another part of the great pretense.  Like the fiction of "Hands up, don't shoot me" .  Never ever happened, but it became the battle cry.  Facts are no fun.

Some symptoms of this stuff are confusion, irritability,  and depression.   What a big surprise.  None of that here!!  

There's an MPN education foundation that has big conferences and a lot of Mayo clinic participation and such.  I want to hook up with those people.  This thing of floating in limbo is getting old.  

I am enthused.  I see now that the expensive bone scan can easily miss earlier forms of MF.  I think you have to be far advanced for it to show like that. But I guess no one wants a bone marrow biopsy.  Stick a needle through your hip and suck out some juice.  I bet my guy screwed one up and the patient got an infection and either sued or died, so he hates to go there.  I do not want it either, but there may be no other choice.  I hope there is another choice. Invasive procedures are...invasive.  

I rambled on and on.  But, at least it is here in case something ever happens.
You can be sure you may not feel much compassion from Dr Saven at scripps. And you will wonder if he even pulled the right file.  However in DeMoines, Dr. Shrek--yes, that is the name-- think I spell it right--is a real prince and very sharp.  

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Bucking the Medico Madness

Ever since my last visit to Dracula the oncological egomaniac, my resentment of his methods and statements has grown.  I am given to delayed reactions.  It is my nature.  So, I just kind of puzzled over his attitude while there.

Then it downed on me;  if the issue he has stubbornly confined himself to addressing is the level of various blood components, why schedule an appointment without a lab to see if the new poison regimen is working out?  And, if a lab were scheduled and he has no desire to troubleshoot further, why bother with the appointment?  He can call and say to take more, take less, or he could say, "Hey, I pulled my head out of my posterior long enough to realize maybe I need to check for xyz, since my initial dx seems slightly flawed".

Anyway, I called his office and they claim to have put a lab request in and canceled the appointment.  I told them I was disturbed that the guy obviously did not spend even a minute reviewing my file prior to the last visit.  His questions were that of a person who could get someone killed by refusal to just look, double check, Think, for crying out loud!

If I had no symptoms why would I even be there?  I am one who doesn't look for problems and could care less what tests show if I am feeling well.  For a doctor to tell me symptoms from the disease or the "cure" have nothing to do with blood values is enough to get that doctor punched out.  This is why I never go alone any more.

I expect him to take great umbrage at me daring to second guess him, or catch his mistake about the lab.  It may be the death of me.  I can tell you that this bullshit subsidized care is such that they do what they can to kill you if it is cheaper than treating you.  I am not so sure I blame them, except they pretend to be cutting edge, best practice, best survival hope and they pretend in their PR to care.   That is the sickening thing, the pretense and the dishonesty, not to mention the offhanded arrogance coupled with incompetence.

I suddenly have a desire to fix this thing somehow, just so I can throw up the finger to the whole system and particularly those who are too dumb to know they are not the brightest people in the room, and they have no right to make people suffer when they could do otherwise.

Geez.  I know what I am sounding like.  Anyway, I think I have made a move that will either bring some worthwhile communication and action to the process, or I made an enemy out of someone who is not functioning as an asset or ally at this point anyway.

I know I sound like a broken record and someone who bitches all the time but I am not really like that, I don't think.  I am just still sick of this, and of the fact it can't be explained to someone in any way that makes sense to them.  Thank God for the internet at times like this.  Others have similar symptoms for a variety of ills, and others deal with the bureaucrats.  There are a couple of groups that have good info; AP--aquagenic pruritus, and MPN--myeloproliferative neoplasms.  Lots of cutting edge stuff from everywhere.

The common foe for many of these people is the ignorance and arrogance of medical professionals.  Then there are those who have really good luck with professionals in the field.  Those are the ones whose experience helps others find workable solutions to these things.  It seems that the Mayo, or Mayonnaise, Clinic is a good place to go.  Scripps, is hit or miss.  Many horror stories about being marginalized and treated like dirt.  I won't put up with it, so I at least won't be in the system going down the wrong path should they not come around.

I have an ace in the hole; a crack hematologist who will give full attention to all info I can give him.  Too bad he is in Iowa, but his letter based on initial data helped get me to this point.  His theories were broadly proven correct.

Also, I somehow managed to get a fair amount of the poison pill refilled.  Enough to last awhile. I am also not afraid to increase or decrease dose on my own based on various symptoms, and data, should the lab order actually be submitted.

I wonder what happens if I do nothing?  But I know.  Bummer. I prefer the do nothing option.

Lucy and Baxter

Once again, I am house sitting and baby sitting a huge white dog.  This is not Max the dog though.  He suddenly became affected by an aggressive form of cancer--bone, I think--and was put down.  The owners were so depressed they decided to just go to Ramona to visit puppies and such at the Great Pyrenees factory run by a woman who must like having a lot of dogs around.

This dog is Frank.  When they went to visit the factory, they said hello to all the breeders and puppies, then they encounter a three year old misfit who was a rescue.  They were all set to go home and come back another time until he gave them "the look".  So, the brought him home.

Frank is not normal.  I think he is an empath, or otherwise semi-psychic.   He began life in northern California.  My guess is that he was in the employ of rednecks as only this state can produce.  He kept running away in the last year.  The actual dog psychic, who has proven useful in the old vet office, even though no one would openly admit consulting her, claims that Frank was on a ranch or farm, protecting animals, and that they were either being slaughtered on site or otherwise suffering less than blissful lives.

He isn't exactly gun shy, but, especially at first, appeared to slightly flinch at times.   He just lays down and plays invisible.  Or he did.  Then if you show him some affection he kind of melts into it.  Very smart animal.  He looks you in the eye with a soulful, searching gaze, like he is reading your mind.  I like this guy.  He very rarely barks.

But he will go see who is coming and make sure they are OK.  No bullying people or creatures, but I'd want his 100LB self with me if someone tried to harm me.  He is subtly protective.  Hard to explain this creature.  I am sure he understands what I try to explain.

On walks, sometimes he just stops and waits until I look him in the eye, pet him and let him know he's OK.  Then he happily continues on his way.  The collar is so loose that it pulled right over his head the first time he stopped.  He looked at me seemingly waiting for me to put it back on to keep up appearances.  

I take my friends old 4runner and cart him down to Shelter Island for an early morning stroll.  Others sometimes have the same idea.  I have to wonder why people who have dogs that hate other people and animals bother bringing their aberrant pets somewhere where others have to contend with them.  Fortunately they are on leashes.  I do not hold to the adage that there are no bad dogs, on;y bad people.   Any thinking person who has been around the block knows that there are plenty of each.

Probably the same people with creep dogs are the ones who say that.  The cool goofs who hate their own species.  That still gets me.  Somehow those people think that hating your own species is a sign of intelligence.  Oh well.

Lucy was not one such person.  She was there with Baxter, a small to medium sized curly haired girl dog.  A nice gentle young pup.  Lucy, too.  At least I introduced myself while the dogs sniffed one another's interesting bits.   Somehow I don't think the idea escaped either of us.  Being genteel, shy folk, we settled for a smile and a nod.

Introducing myself is a sign that my desire to be more gregarious is taking hold, ever so slightly.

I will go back.  She was kind of cute, and may be as incredibly interesting as I am, and also may have just fallen down the rabbit hole, or between the seams somewhere along the way.  Unlike the hell lady with the shepherd pup.  She didn't have it on a leash and it ran to see Frankie.  He is very calm and polite to other animals.  She comes running and screaming, "not cool!!  not cool!" repeat ad infinitum.  All the while giving me a dirty look like it was my fault.  Her pup was too young to be a jerky shepherd.  Hey, many are.  Not all, but some. Inbred, or closet nazis, who knows.  So there was no issue. No need to panic.  

She grabbed the pup and ran back where she came from, after hooking his leash up.  All the while sneering at me in her hysterical, "NOT COOL!!!" panic.  I was waiting for her to call me "Mister Man".  I like Lucy better, and Baxter too.

Even though Not Cool was a cute pup, I think Hell Lady will see to it that he fulfills his maximum potential to be a hell dog jerk soon enough.

Really.  I would never say I am a dog person because I have encountered way too many dog owners who take no responsibility for their animals and use them as a way to inflict harassment upon others.  And if someone says, hey your uninvited dog tore my stocking, pissed on my baby stroller, made me wreck my bike, etc., all of a sudden you are the horrible, hateful person who abuses animals.

Screw that.  I don't keep animals bred to run cooped up in a little townhouse then pretend I am so compassionate and loving.  No those people are sick fuquits who have a passive aggressive streak larger than Fido's droppings which they pick up only if someone is watching.

Lucy and Baxter seem nice though.  She did not appear to be using the pooch as an alter ego.  And it is the type of critter that is fine in most environments. Indoors or out.  I will head down there again, but the condition of my condition makes me wonder if I can even entertain ideas of any sort of partner.  I can do things but need a ton of off time from most things too.

You never know.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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