Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Good Bad Ugly; part 425012

Little nibbles seem to be increasing in frequency.  I didn't even know I was fishing.  Another guy, who claims I played with him at one of the open mics I rarely attend, called in reference to a benefit, and something about a jam.  He also mentioned being at the Crest gig.

I remember giving out contact info to a couple of people who asked, but I seem to have trouble remembering everyone that asked me to play over the last couple of months.  It would be good if something came out of this, like some studio work or other pay-to-play opportunities.

It is probably good, though, because I seem to have a reputation in an expanding circle of musicians, and it appears to be a favorable one.  Why not?  I'm more reliable than most and make an effort to just do what I do without hogging the limelight.  That may be the secret to being a sideman who is welcome.

There has been other talk, but until I see substance, I treat it as only talk.  Deep down I hope it is real because it would be quite rewarding.  The best thing is to keep being seen.  There are little subplots to all this which have to do with trying to benefit some people I like who need the diversion right now.

Those are things of life; doing things for the purpose of enhancing one's existence and/or the existence of others.   What that entails is often the sort of thing I just keep to myself.   I'd be disappointed if I found myself deep into the Jerry Lewis syndrome.  If you don't get the meaning of that, then don't worry about it.

I look out the back door, down at the little box canyon and out to the ridge beyond, and I realize how fortunate I am to be where I am.  And I realize that it is not guaranteed that I'll be able to be here forever. It is alright.  One evening, within the last three, it was so dark and foggy out on the back deck that I could not see my hand held in front of my face.

Tonight, I heard just a few rain drops under a dark, overcast sky, but I could see the edge of the clouds out over the ridge, and to the left, over Alpine.  I could still see a little bit of light there.  Nice effect.

I guess there isn't much ugly, except that sometimes people think I don't consider them, their feelings, dreams, and whatnot.  It really is not true, but I can see how it appears.  I just don't pry much or offer opinions on what they ought to do with themselves.

Then again, it doesn't take much encouragement for me to become a little too self absorbed.  In ways, I am not that, but there are times when the better part of me definitely is.  I try.  There are mitigating circumstances which I am sure few others would understand, even if they were aware, but it is worth monitoring myself so that I am not so ..whatever.

I've come to realize it is not always easy.  And I do get it back. In one case, recently, I find that my life is of no real interest, which is both frustrating and interesting.  It leaves me feeling of no use, value or interest.  Maybe that is why that person crossed my path.  I must be careful not to cause others to feel that way.  I know it is not intentional on the part of the party of whom I speak, but I see no changing it.

I always think that friends will ask if they want to know what I think.  I am wary of being too sure that I know what others should be doing with their lives, talent, etc.  It is one thing to be empathetic, and another to assume you know what another's best interest really is.  I'll bet someone told Lincoln he needed to get out and see a play.  "Abe, loosen up!  Go out; take the old lady to the theater."

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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