Saturday, May 31, 2014

Maybe a Bad News, Good News Day

It was no fun waking up at 5:16 and then sixish trying to ignore the bizarre itchy burning weirdo skin rebellion.  I thought of a better illustration.  It is kind of like a bug zapper in the midst of a swarm of gnats.  I'm the zapper and ..whatever.

So it is quite clear that even if one was once lucky enough to have a veterinarian as his primary care physician, the luck continues even after the animal doctor retires.  The Coronado doctor, hereafter known as Dr. Coronado, runs a first class ship.  It must be due to whatever my friend said to him that they have been so attentive to my case.

They had the lab order all ready for me by 9 AM this morning.  I walked across the street to get 7 tests done.  The lab, due to Dr Coronado telling them to give me the best break charged very little.  I'm afraid if I give the figure here, some bureaucrat will catch it and decide it violates something and they need to raid my cottage or attack Dr Coronado with tasers.  

The doctor's office, Nurse Becky had obtained an estimate on thursday, so I knew the ballpark figure.  But Dr C added a test at the last minute, so we figured it would be up some.  They charged me less than the original estimate, and these were the most beautiful technicians in town.   mean that in an avuncular sense--they looked to be about 12 years old.  Very competent, and no valley talk, uptalk, or vocal fry.

What is so amazing is that nurse Becky has relayed information to Dr Coronado, who is out of town, on vacation, and he has faxed or whatever to authorize lab tests.  I expressed reluctance to do anything to bother him while he was away but she said he wants to know.  No wonder there is a plaque in the lobby from a local magazine citing him as on the list of San Diego's best doctors.  So far I guess he is.

It is amazing how quickly tests were ordered.  The clinic wanted me to make another appointment just to discuss tests or question the referral by the physician's assistant.  The Coronado connection saved me an estimated three appointments and three or four weeks time.

Becky confirmed that she heard the Valley chick stonewalling on the phone yesterday before I handed the phone over so they could talk. Then the valley chick all of a sudden can get stuff out asap.
OK You had to read the other story to know.

So, I'll know all but one of the tests Monday, I guess.  If there's any prob they'll call, I'm guessing.

The bad news is waking up with an attack trying to come on.  I tricked it for awhile even though I was freaked out at the prospect of a shower.  I read that one guy sometimes forces the thing with hot hot water, and then it all dissipates.   So, that's what I did and it worked.  But by midday it kept trying to come on again.  I was at my friend's in Pt L, and finally had to take a bit of prednisone.  It is just under the surface, a delicate veil between It and me.

That indicates the problem is gaining momentum, intensifying or proliferating.  It used to be every couple of days there would be trouble, especially in connection with water or sweating.  Now everything is a trigger.

So, here's my plan;  hope for the best

No I will continue to hone the coping skills and expect to find ways to get my work done.  As it is or has been the last couple of days, 10 minutes outside doing things is about it because it will begin to flare up.  I will work it out.

Nurse Becky said these tests weren't the entire arsenal but they were what he's thinking may reveal if it is caused by ice water in my veins or other likely culprit, and that he has a plan B and C should this not tell the tale.  In the mean time I'm being limited by a dermis in rebellion.

Somehow I think this is life telling me to be grateful for what I have here and now.  I can complain that kayaking or paddle boarding is out of the question, but how active was I when it wasn't?  Not very.  Especially not very aquatically active.  Also, I fully realize any people would love to be in my insanely itchy, burny shoes.  Or think they would.  They have real issues working on them.

So, empathy, and knowing that I do not know all that others feel or endure.  Best video to circulate in awhile was the one where the guy gets a pair of glasses that captions everyone he looks at.  All these people were annoying him, then he sees that this one lost a loved one, this one was having parenting issues, this kid was dying for positive adult attention, etc.  It was OK.  You never know what works.


Thursday, May 29, 2014

Welcome!! How Can We Not Help You Today?

OK, here's the deal.   The local clinic which is very nice and also on California Covered,  the state health care plan for Mexican nationals and welfare moms, or so it seems, is a nice looking place with bizarre Rube Goldberg systems in place.  It is also largely run by Valley girls who up talk.

Up talking is when they make most things sound like a question with the last word up several levels in pitch.  Other times the last word is  low girl growl.  To the uninitiated it is unintelligible.  I'm more uninitiated than not.

This would be a good place for someone doing  doctoral thesis on linguistics.  Another time I'll explore all that might entail.

So, that's the Alpine Clinic.  They took blood at first of April to check for food allergy.  We're almost 100% certain no food allergy is involved.  It takes a lot for me to claim 100% certainty on anything.  True scientists think that way.  Educated egomaniacs will claim, in terms they hope you can't understand, that they are 100% sure of things.  Happens every day.  Beware those people.

The specialist that my ex-primary care provider, the retired veterinarian, recommended, does not even take covered california nonsense.  Blue Cross, Medicare, or cashola.  I'm on the cashola plan.  But I feel like they have really worked with me. It is expensive, but could be worse.  And the other place needs more visits to get anything done, which probably evens the two out in the long run.

All I wanted was to have the blood work info from last month faxed to Coronado.   Of course that involves going in and signing an authorization.  Fine.  I do that.  I give the up talker the pertinent fax info, etc.   She has my stuff on her computer, prints out something then takes it to a device that looks like a fax.  "OK, so it has all been sent?"  "Yea"---managing to create extra syllables with last one up a  fifth.

That's all I need so I leave, but once in the lobby I call Coronado to double check.  No, they have nothing. They refresh it a couple of times.  Nope.

I go back in.  Hola, up-talker, they say it didn't go through.  "Oh I don't have the lab work.  All records are over at administration".   Big cloud above my head appears with giant letters, WTF?

OK. I try some subtle uptalking in case it will help.  "This is really important?"  sounds like  question but is actually a declarative sentence.  Perfect form.  "Oh, I can make a  note for them and they should send it within two weeks?"(again, declarative sentence with interrogatory uptick)

I still had Becky in Coronado on the phone and ended up handing the phone to the valley chick who shamelessly began lying.  "Oh, I was just telling him I'll personally walk it over and you'll have it tomorrow"?.....I pretended not to notice, and told Becky just get Dr Coronado to order whatever tests I need, and assume we may or may not receive the one being held hostage.

So, tomorrow we go pee and bleed and stuff.   I like watching the needle.  It is a little exercise in self control to view it with a clinical eye rather than the emotional approach.

I expect nothing to be wrong with me.  I decided to take that approach.  Assume there is absolutely nothing wrong, and once that is confirmed do all the things that set it off and see if mind over body will work out.

More than one person on the yahoo group had tests done which showed no prob, then months or a year down the line their tests show the issue.  So, a year of having this run their lives, with half their friends, family, and doctors treating them like they are sissy lunatics, and dealing with the hydrophobia problem.  They must have more friends, and spouses than I do who help them out.  Not sure I wouldn't just give up.

Something must be up.  I think my face is fatter, I'm fatter, my color is odd.  Puff.  Kind of puffy.  I'll bet they suggest my only hope is a tropical island with lots of attention from sea bunnies and other females.  Or just one good one.  Now I'm happy again.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Best has Probably Been Passed Up long The Way

A grown man catches himself as he is almost brought to tears at the mere thought of the shower he must take sometime in the next 12 hours.
Meanwhile we wait for two different people in two different death camps disguised as medical facilities to call back.
There have been more optimistic episodes in my experience.  If only everything was all cleaned up and organized.  Then I'd be OK with all that is.

By the way, what is the alleged reason for states having an office called "Insurance commissioner"?  I'm thinking the real purpose is to facilitate crony commerce.   That is more accurate than saying "crony capitalism", and does not serve the propaganda mills which mis-label because they hate any iota freedom.  The way that black panther guy hated any "iota of a cracker".

Update: 1:11 A.M.:  finally found the nerve to grab a shower, believing it would be worse to wait until morning.  Most of the time these things work better at night.  Still waiting for body to get back to equilibrium.  I can feel it wanting to flash up in arms and legs, moving around like randomly flashing Christmas tree lights.  I feel the heat in my face, but it seems to be easing.  No itch or burn in face, just odd blush feeling.  Now I better get in front of a fan or something.  It helps immediately covering up but maybe a final air dry will help.  I feel it trying to get out of control which is less fun than you might imagine.  If they could control this, it would yield quicker results than water boarding.  OK.  sudden moment of easing up.  The Christmas tree lights are dimming and slowing down.

After seeing pictures fro the ranch event last Monday, and knowing this is not a normal stomach, I will push to get thyroid, liver and some blood issues ruled out.  This is not even close to my normal.  I'll decide on most likely culprits and get those tests first, even if I have to threaten bodily harm to get the incredibly inefficient arrogant medical creeps to cooperate.

It takes a world of total f'ing idiots to have allowed themselves to give up so much autonomy when it comes to ailments.  You cannot try medicines you think will help without costly approval, and sometimes not at all.  You can't get various tests run without getting approval and jumping through hoops.  And, of course, it is expensive.  If they think you have insurance, then they want to run a battery of tests, often not at all relevant to your specific case.

If you think this crime of a healthcare law will fix these issues then you are wrong.  For some situations, some people will come out ahead.  I expect many more to die from the one size fits all approach and the lack of incentive for bureaucrats in charge to do anything but protect their job and grow their agencies.  The VA scandal is a harbinger of things to come.

It was headed this way for awhile.  I have been no fan of the setup ever since things changed for whatever reason.  Not the only factor, but I kind of compare healthcare in terms of pre John Edwards and post John Edwards.

A lot changed when he channeled a baby being born, and promoted junk science to win in court.  But  guess karma caught up to him a little bit.  That is no help to the rest of the world.

I may almost be safe, but I still feel like it could flare up if I'm not careful.  It is abnormal to have to remain as still and inactive as possible to avoid an attack of itching and burning could make one beg for a heavy shot of heroin or morphine if they were available.  This is the main thing that has made me consider drinking--enough alcohol and you pass out and only feel things later.  But I can't do that and I know it will make it worse.

OK.  Its been 30 minutes and all the hints of trouble seem to be receding.  Thanks for letting me babble which actually diverted my mind from how things feel.  You wouldn't think so.

I was thinking, it is good to wish or pray for others to receive the good things you'd like for yourself.  A spiritual axiom I guess.   I thought the best thing I'd wish for you  freedom from sadness and self loathing.  So, then now I am less sad and don't have the loathing of self as much as I did.  Maybe it works. And Maybe I am just too affected in ways to be sad and down on myself.

What causes waves of very cold, clammy skin, yet very warm hands?  That's the herald of a front, so to speak; like cirrus clouds.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Time to Get Something Done

The bizarre physical thing prevented me from doing much work today.  2 hour long attacks.   Blablabla.
Tests are needed to rule out implants placed by aliens, too sexy for my shirt syndrome, and outright  psychotic delusions and hallucinations.

It is highly unlikely that allergy is actually at play.  Just don't accidentally spill a glass of water all over the front of your shirt.  If if you are clever enough to keep spare shirts in your car.  You will find the attack comes within minutes.

Maybe we'll get some response from the medical world. Sold stocks in anticipation of costly tests.  Desperate measures for desperate times.  This is rendering me unable to work or get anything much done.  Anything that involves labor and such. I can read and write without such likelihood of setting off a flare up.

Yesterday it interfered with playing music after a short while of playing.  Had to hide most of the time.  And pace.  Pacing is necessary for coping at those times.

I'm not sure I'd chance a shower right now if you paid me $500.   If you paid $5000, I probably would; knowing I'd curse myself for doing it for the next couple of hours.

It's a challenge, but when I try I can usually get things done.  We'll see.  Ever know a doctor, lawyer or airline pilot whose ego was such that they could see it when you were right and they needed to alter their view?     I haven't noticed that but I used to be a pro at making them think my idea was their idea.   may have lost my touch.  I think they know what I'm up to these days, so they double down on their arrogant efforts to make life unpleasant for people like me.  Bless their hearts..  That's my token of peace.  I'm in no shape to be fighting battles with people or institutions.  I try

Monday, May 26, 2014

Still Hydrophobic

It will probably take awhile to get any further tests done due to low funds, and the insane bureaucracy of everything medical.  But what do you expect?   People have been treating doctors like priests for a long time.  "Give it to me straight, Doc, how long have I got?"  If I were a doctor I might say, "Three seconds" and toss the patient out the window.

Seriously, Doc does not know how long you'll live unless you're obviously taking your final breaths.  Why you bother at that point, who knows.  But the medical profession did not have a stable enough collective ego not to feed this impression of God-like knowledge and vision of the future.

Just like lawyers, they make it a point to create  language of their own, heavily steeped in Latin, with touches of sanskrit thrown in in the form of take home flyers about your unknown, incurable, highly expensive disease.   If they can't fix it, they'll just pretend you only have symptoms they understand.

Since doctors know all, you convince yourself you are crazy, and try to avoid any situation which will shine a light on your difficulty.  You hide with your trouble accepting the less than helpful diagnosis and pills offered by your Doctor/Priest.

For awhile there, beginning in the 70's and maybe earlier, healthcare and diseases became the fastest growing hobby in America.  People loved comparing their batteries of hourly and daily pills.  They loved the regular visits, the attention, the delicious morbidity of their defects.   Pretty exciting stuff.  And something to provide extra structure, and for some, a regular day off of work.  Or maybe full enough disability.  No work, but time to go boating or hiking or drinking all day.

Healthcare hobbyists.  They thrive on the experience.  I can see that.  No one has better drugs than the healthcare industry.  And you ether go through them to get it or they throw you in jail if you go to the unregulated marketplace.

"Doctors orders".   Really?  Come here doll, I'm a Doctor and I have an order or two you need to obey.

My conclusion is that people are incredibly gullible and scared to death of looking stupid.  So when the Doctor says you have aquibaillesiuatrababolitis conundrum and must pay big money regularly to monitor the condition, but we can't actually cure it, and you are to only drink liquids from the left side of glass containers from now on, by golly you do it.

Your kid is not a brat.  Your child is addhd, ocd, dls, rtc, etc.  And most likely asthmatic, and suffering from ptsd due to a difficult birth.  Obviously some people legitimately experience these conditions, but there is far more money in it if we diagnose based on loose subjective, unmeasurable, anecdotal criteria to broaden the market.  We can now sell our drugs and services to 20% or so, rather than the 1% or 2% that scientific tests and diagnosis would provide.

It is a win win win.  We get business, your child becomes more manageable through chemistry, and you have something other than yourself or your child's obnoxivity to blame.  The schools are happy because now your kid conforms to their aberrant one-size-fits-all authoritarian propaganda palace.
Everyone is happy.  Sort of.

Lately being angrily down on religion, other than islam, is a highly popular thing.  But the medical and political worlds get a pass.  If you look at it objectively you will see that a lot of people aspire to priesthood and a metaphysical sense of infallibility.   The medical profession, science paid for through taxes and controlled by Big Brother.  You can eliminate ever church, synagogue and other place of worship, and you will find there is not shortage of priests.  They just opt for another title.  A rose by any other name...

So, I guess we are doomed.  And I may never get any tests done and I will go out with a bang to escape the phobia with which I've been plagued.   But only if my own cures do not work.  I will fix it myself, but I'll be using pills in the process.   I'm as good at trouble shooting as the doctor/priests.  I can use their info and do a better job at solving the problem.

But they do have info I do not have.  I'm just better at working it down.  You can know everything and still be a horrible troubleshooter or problem solver. It is the rule rather than the exception.  That is why things are as they are. We are intimidated and rightly impressed with those who know lots of complicated stuff.  Where it goes wrong is that we assume such knowledge equates to doing the right thing, and knowing how to best use the information.  Mostly it doesn't work like that.

You'd think people would know this.  Especially in academia, yet they are the worst for letting egos override truth and true constructive progress.  A lot of information, experience, and knowledge is there. Ability to put it to best use is not a popular skill.  Ability to obtain government funding and agenda driven grants is very popular, and a skill which has been honed to a fine art over the years.  The driving force in academia is to maintain their egos, and include themselves among the priests who take your money because they are super natural.

This is not to say that higher education isn't great, that few people grasp the real math behind science or much else, and that many great things have been developed and discovered in such institutions.  But it is almost by accident and the majority of what is done and taught is for the purpose of control and maintaining the security and social status of those who manage to spend their lives there.  If I had it to do over, I would very likely secure myself in that insulated existence and enjoy messing with the minds of students and faculty alike.

Depression without any real good reason is bad.  Depression with plenty of identifiable reason may be worse.


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Graceland; quick review

Graceland is a new show, I think.  Fairly new, anyway.

Picture the show, Friends, but exchange the characters for plainclothes cops representing various federal agencies. Put them in a SoCal beach house, and let one friend be a master manipulator/ lovable psychopath.  Most are from the shallow end of the kiddie pool of gene pools.  Others are just shallow, yet sincere.   Give the "Friends" writers partial lobotomies, and turn 'em loose.

And there you have it, Graceland.  Imagine the zaniness that ensues.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Ignoring the Speech Impediment in the Room

She did it again, while doing the other thing again.

So, while Michele was trying to fan flames of fear, resentment, racism, and victim fixation, she again displayed her inability to properly pronounce words beginning with STR.  Mrs. O loves to use the word "struggle", but I think advisors may have influenced her to use it less.  Or speech writers quietly altered their choice of words over the last couple of months.

Hearing Michele go on about the "schrtruggles" of others can be a distraction.  This time she was talking about the abuses you can expect when walking down the schrtreet.  No one asked, "Yo, what's a schrtreet?"  They may have been too busy contemplating the non future she was deshcribing.

I've noticed no parody or impersonation in this case.  That is unflattering.

I guess it annoys me.  There are people who've lived in that house whose speech bothers me so bad I cannot listen to them.  Bush was that way, so is Hillary, and both the Os.  I just cannot listen to them for long without discomfort.  Or dishcomfort.  I schrtruggle not to have ill feelings toward any of them.  I do think they are dishonest and not worth the money.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Just Wondering about the Privilege Issue

Recently I learned that the big rage on campus, and in other circles which enjoy a degree of insulation and, in a way, isolation, is to filter interpersonal relationships, one's moral compass and world view through the lens of "checking your privilege".  The privilege checkers I've read or heard seem oddly guilty, arrogant, and condescending, while telling themselves they are being empathetic and a whole lot nicer, hipper, and more aware than their awful forefathers.

I'm not sure what "check your privilege" means.  And when I'm in doubt I think to myself, "What would Steve Martin's character in The Jerk do?".  I'd make a bracelet expressing that sentiment in handy initials, but there are so many in this case that I might forget what they mean.  Besides, I'm not going to forget my go-to guy for this sort of thing.

Anyway, this in depth consideration leads me to ask, "Is privilege like special purpose?  If so, I've got one of those!!!  I'll check it now."  

For that reason, I'm reluctant to ask anyone to check his privilege.   It seems a bit personal and out of bounds.  Sign of the times I suppose; big brother, militarized police having wet dreams about martial law, people generally all up in everyone else's business.


Saturday, May 17, 2014

Swamp Cooled

Good thing I have that swamp cooler.  When humidity is low, like it is here, this inexpensive device, which only uses 85 watts, cools my place just fine.  It works out.

Other than that,  some friends are more the fair weather variety than others.  That is good because that lets me off the hook with them.  You just leave the ball in their court, and hope it stays there.  Less trouble that way.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Red Letter Day

For the first time in awhile I was able to shower without 45 minutes of after-shower under the skin fire ant attack.   Of course, to accomplish this I had to wait until things felt settled down.  Much of the day this phenomenon felt as if it were trying to rage forth.

Keeping calm, covered and infused with anti-histamines is the program for managing it.  Of course the other rituals also help.

It reminds me of the old Crisco party stories I heard way back when.  But this is not much fun.  Coat yourself n very light--not too fragrant--olive oil, and for good measure add a coat of coconut oil.  Then go in an use tea tree oil shampoo instead of soap.

End it all with water very hot, all over.  Run until it feels like you're as used to the hot water as you'll get.  The the mad dash to dry off quickly, but with minimum rubbing, as that can make matters worse.  Multiple towels is one way to go.

Then quickly throw on cotton tee shirt and long sleeve shirt, etc.  All the while willing calm equilibrium upon your body.  Today there are a few little irritations but not much.  The minor twinges which hint that an attack would love to come through feel like it does when you get your hair cut and  little of it gets down your shirt.

If that is all there is, then fantastic.  So, today is good.

 I tried to see if substituting cleaning up with baby wipes would be a quick alternative sometimes.  If you have this, do not waste your money.   It will send you over the edge.

So, I have to figure a way to go further with the tests to see if all this is a harbinger of doom, and if so, to what degree.  Or maybe just an anomaly of temporary duration.  In most of these cases they never figure it out.  I'm probably one that will be figured out. Or else it will just go away.
It is surreal.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

If You Can't Take The Heat, Exit the Kitchen

These last few days have me thinking.   This entire area is highly flammable.   Yet it seems as if the preventative measures are still more reactive than proactive.   I know they are highly limited in what can be cut back where I live.  It seems to be a huge community which endangers itself in order to satisfy random environmental whims, and boondoggle crony capital ventures.

If nothing is going to change I am wondering if I can stay.  The trouble is, of the states that have no income tax, I'm not sure if I can cope with the weather--either hot cold/and/or highly humid.

Having my doubts about this burning itching attack thing.  There are expensive tests that can rule out some possible causes--none of them particularly good news.  So, on the good side, if such tests come back negative, I don't have to travel that crazy road.  But then they rarely find the cause, so chances are it becomes one of those, "learn to live with it" deals, and coping strategies continue.  I've learned some tricks, but this limits me quite a bit.  I'll bet there's a way to fix this.  Of course there is; just have to figure it out.   People often never figure thing out.  Doesn't mean there is no actual answer.  Ignorance is not proof or disproof.

This is an hour north of me, but not that far inland.  They think 8 of the 9 fires, may be arson.  The total is probably around 12 or 13 fires.  Some were put out very quickly.   The response has been rather impressive with many fire departments traveling from afar, and cooperation has been atypical for government agencies here in SoCal.  It is sick, 100F degree temps.  55mph wind.   2%!!!! humidity.  Who does that?  I grew up where 30% relative humidity was radically low.

That is how it goes.  The main hope is that I find a way on my own to change this game.  Otherwise it is forever just treating symptoms, avoiding water, too much exercise and all other triggers.

I'll bet it works out.  The specialist only confirmed what I thought, and thinks it ties into things I've experienced on and off for nearly thirty years.  It is just that the dam must have burst in the last few months.

Some have claimed that rebooting their diet got rid of similar symptoms after awhile.  An extended program of vegetable and fruit juices.  What have I got to lose?

Oh, if I find a need, and a way, to move, I figure I'll need a place with minimal redtape in obtaining permission to exist.  We've become a nation in which citizens exist by permissions.  People do not get it.   Many do not realize the Bill of Rights is not a list of permissions granted to the people.  Because they do not understand what is a right.

I have to be careful.  Feeling like this and being homeless would most likely be fatal.  So, we will play the game, against my better judgement and moral code.  I am selling out to some degree.  As little as possible, but I cannot fight how things are, wrong as it is.   Just look at the kind of freaks California elects to office.  It is probably worse on the state level than federal, if that is possible.

If I can afford to live legally, I may stay awhile.  But unless I make more money, it is inevitable that I'll have to hit the road sooner or later.

This fire thing is absolutely nuts. Camp Pendleton catches fire regularly, it seems; two, three times per year.  It smacks of same thing over and over, and no changes made.   I'll do the things I need to do to be  prepared to move if I choose to.  Maybe I'll make enough money to deal with CA.  For now, I no english, or any other language.  No comprendo.  No read. No speak it.
This was taken from inside a Marine chopper that is about to drop water on the fire in San Marcos, below

Is Nebraska at War?

Probably at war with Alameda CA sheriff's department
I think Alameda County is vulnerable to having the escape doors and hatches welded shut.   Make them chase you around until they run out of fuel, and then leave them there.  This vehicle is trying too hard.  My money's on Nebraska to win this one.

But if you throw in the Richland County, SC sheriff's department, I'm not so sure Nebraska will prevail.
It looks as if these guys force you to listen to whatever the guy in the tie is selling.  And then it is either buy or die.  He makes lots of sales that way.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Thinking is Not Always an Option

After awhile a person can become too tired to think.  Although I'm pretty sure it is due to lack of adrenaline because of depression, that is the state of affairs.

So, I'll hit a specialist who is highly recommended by my previous primary care giver, the veterinarian. If only he hadn't retired I could have had the blood tests I need all worked out.  Of course we have to translate the numbers into human terms, as the numbers for various things aren't quite the same in a healthy human and a healthy canine.

That is just daydreaming.   When your vet retires, you may as well kiss any reasonable, helpful, quick healthcare out the window.  On your own now and in many cases Mexico is a better bet.  Too bad they are a thug state that holds people hostage in jail.

When I'm feeling great  think why go anywhere?  When I'm feeling down but not symptomatic I think I'm imagining it and it is all just a manifestation of my worthlessness and because I'm doing it all wrong. But when I feel symptoms coming on, I'm glad I have this booked.  I'll get the money.  This outfit doesn't accept anything to do with "Covered California".  I do not have time for CA to decide whether to insure me or harass me, and I am no fan of any of this.  It makes it look like I applied in time.   You figure, if I have to buy it, I'd pay as much in two or three months as this episode will cost.

I can't be paying that all the time.  And the slowness and corruption in the free stuff may cost me as much in the long run.  Well, it hasn't been free.  But it has been lower cost for not being rich.

I'm not too sure how this phase is going to resolve itself.

When Did I Check Out?

Seriously, I'm not believing I'm here, so maybe I'm not.  This would make no sense to those who have normal brain waves and an understanding of civilization, and maybe even women.  I'm not convinced that women understand women.   Never has one given me useful, accurate advice on how to please and ingratiate myself with another woman.  You'd think those who are in no way candidates for a special friendship would give honest useful suggestions.  They may think they are.

I think they have no more clue than I do.  So much for lumping people into one category or behavior and thought based on condition of birth.  Maybe those who create "women and minority" specific quotas, programs, preferences, or limitations should learn something from this.

Be that as it may,  I've got bigger fish to fry.  Even though I don't even eat fish.  I don't skin cats either. Though it sometimes feels as if a cat has skinned me and a big fish then tossed me on the grill of life.

I knew getting back on the books with a part time job, letting the Obamacare lady put me up for California's health garbage, would be a mistake.  California is now sending me thinly veiled threats in the form of a questionaire.   "We know you did xyz through ACME credit Union.  And we know this, that and the other.  So tell us every minute detail of your activities for the last few years.

I can hear the WWII German accent, and see the guy with the monocle holding his cigarette funny, backwards to the way I would hold it.  In his other hand is a riding crop.  His arm is folded behind his back.  He's very good at keeping that monocle in place.  I'm thinking, if you already know so much, and were weird enough to state it, almost like an accusation, why are you again asking me for my social security number?

A number I specifically tried to refuse when they cornered us in our bogus auditorium science class in 7th grade.  They had TV monitors and taught science on TV.  Then there were one or two humans that also did science stuff live.  I recall that one woman did not seem happy.  Stressed out, and she wasn't bad looking really.  I hope she went on to better things and got unstressed.  Now I get it.  Then, I did not.

So, why would you suggest the bad security practice of writing the ss# on a form in the mail, when you already know it?

The state is a lot like television.  Especially the kind with canned laughter; laff tracks.  If you are away from it for awhile, minimizing contact, it seems dangerously insane, annoying, and over the top when you are again exposed to the madness.  The scariest thing of all is to realize that you are the odd man out.  You're considered the troubled and deranged entity.  And in so many ways, you know that is correct in your case.  But in so many other ways, it is in no way true.

Go along to get along.  People never tire of kings, thugs, charlatans, and mystics.   Trying to even address particular issues is pretty much a waste.

I'm think of moving to a state with no income tax.   I like it out here.  But I may not be able to survive this crazy ass state.  You have to be either illegal or pretty well to do.  Moreso than I am apparently.   Otherwise there is a growing and consistent attack upon your freedom and enjoyment.  I don't believe in class envy or class hatred or class worship.  The class thing is always a big hit.

The big class buzz-phrase among charlatans and tyrants is always "for the Middle Class".  CA has got something for the middle class.  Pain, harassment, and a few crumbs and tokens of revenge for imaginary transgressions.  The promise of power--get The Rich--,and a few tax expenditures buys the "middle class".  Government employees claim to be middle class.  The bigger that group, the more they need to hit the poor and the rich.  The connected rich don't care.  Unconnected and only sort of rich are under the bus with the rest of us.

If you aren't making enough to pay rent and eat, you don't think how important it is to get the state's approval for your sorry state of affairs.  This whole thing is really wrong but the right alternatives are in no way going to be embraced by the majority.  People want what they can get from the state, and trade principle for a pittance, or a personality flaw, like jealousy or resentment.   So, I would make no difference in defying the state in any way.  But unlike most employed by the state, I would not harm anyone just because someone tells me to, or because I can.   That is what separates many of us.

There are those who'll do just about anything to save a job, even one that pays very little.  I've seen it on many jobs.  And the larger the company the higher the incidence of the mercenary atmosphere.  No question that most in these companies lie as a matter of course, one way or another, and would have no problem killing someone if it would save their jobs, and they wouldn't get caught, and if all it took was pressing a button or other means to avoid dirty hands.

I'll answer them, later.   You are either a believer that most of what this country and state do is right, or else you are being robbed and cooperating because they will kick your ass and take your money anyway.   Whatever the case, you are not being patriotic as I've heard some claim.  Taking one for the team are you?  No pain no gain?   I think, if you believe you are better than those who do not fund what you fund but don't approve or condone, you are not being honest.

Some don't have much money. And if they aren't using much in the way of anything not covered by sales tax, gas tax and the like, why make it so they can't live without your help?   A lot of what California does and the ACA does is exactly that.

I should have known this would be a can of worms.  I guess I did know and figured now is better than never.

Even in some countries, (ones we foolishly think are more overbearing) they have nothing like our bizarre complicated tax codes and criminally thuggish tax departments harassing you.   I doubt anyone has such an absurd tax code and an agency run amok like we have.  I still cannot comprehend why states, and sometimes cities, think it is cool to tax income.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

A Tale of the Policia

A long time ago I was sitting at a park table at ocean beach.  They have a nice green before you get to the sand of the beach.  Back then I smoked.  Sally(another that got away and her life improved at an exponential pace.  I'm the finishing school for women who go on to good lives.  Great for them.  It kind of sucks for me, but we make our own path for the most part.  Still irks me, no matter if I am to blame) and I were both smoking a cigarette.

Then a San Diego cop car comes flying up over the curb not very far away.  Maybe 17 1/2 feet.  He gets some kid of maybe 21 years old for smoking on the beach.  Where we were is off limits for smoking.  The cop made the kid stand in front of the car for thirty minutes.  The kid had to go use a bathroom, but the cop made him stand there.  He managed to hold it.  He was not a bad or impolite person.  The cop was being a bully.

The cop acted like the kid had robbed a bank.  He did more damage to the grass with his car.  The young guy did not throw the cigarette on the ground.  He would have shot the kid with a stun gun if he could have, at least that was his attitude. A very disrespectful bullying man.

When he finally let the kid go after writing him up for something he couldn't afford to pay, he sort of nodded to us with an arrogant, "..afternoon folks".    wouldn't swear to it but I think he called us "folks", as he flashed a creepy artificial smile.

We had figured out that it would be best to snuff out our smokes rather than risk getting shot or jailed by this lunatic.  Maybe he was a deranged anti-smoking zealot.

Unbelievable: this is a photo from the recruiting page of the SDPD web site.  Join up and wage war on the public. Yahoo!!!

It is no surprise that the San Diego police department has been weathering one bad cop scandal after another.  And what is a cop's reaction whenever the corruption and abuse of power catch up?   Aggrieved f-ing victim!   As if it is their inalienable right to abuse people.

I keep hoping the cop Sally and I watched is one of the ones who gets sacrificed to prove the department is cleaning itself up.  Expecting a little karma to play out now and then.

They seem to be sacrificing a cop a week on the altar-of-deadly-force-you-can-trust.  "Oh look, we protect and serve, and cull the bad apples!! (when there is no other choice but to throw one under the bus to satisfy the stupid public who resent harassment, being shot, whatever. Whiners)"

I don't even follow the police story closely.   I hear episodes, like a soap opera, on the radio news.

So, I wonder at a system that generates and tolerates bullying, and at people for allowing it.

And I wonder at myself for being an anachronism of a self sacrificing finishing school.

I get it, actually.  I've not made things easy for many years.  Maybe I wish I had.  I'm not real clear on that.  Regrets do no good.  People often find it difficult to take the course of least regret through life.
On the other hand, I'd like to give a thumbs up to Venezuela; I see you are predictably happy and thriving as the policies of your late president continue to take hold.  You were smart, like us, and elected a guy who rates Castro as a god of justice and economic development.   Your guy was like Castro's mini me.  We envy you for that.   Our guy is more like mini-Michele, I think, and she's nobody's mini.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

It Is An ill wind that blows no good

We've yet to see if this wind has blown good or what.   Winds up to 70mph near me.  I doubt that my place experienced that as it is a little more protected than the places where it hits its peak velocity.

Velocity sounds better than speed sometimes.  In reality speed is merely a quantity, whereas velocity actually includes speed an direction.  But in this venue, we don't care.

So, I get ready to go to work.  The power is off.  I come home.  The power is off.  The story is; SDGE first said it would be on by 9am, and kept changing.  Last word was "Maybe" by 11PM.  I have no power, I have no water.

I ended up in the lower basement room of a house on a hillside, so my basement room is really not basementy.   Today seemed pretty good.  A little sweat--no fireants under the skin.  So I was all pumped to come home, relax, take extra benedryl and maybe prednisone.  Wait a bit, then brave the shower.

So now I am here.  Great deal of privacy.  Other people are asleep 2 floors up.  I feel hints that it could rage on me, but also I feel better than yesterday, just tired and spacey.  I'm going to chance it.

Full shower with tea tree oil shampoo.  I saw that some have had mild relief from this.  There's a chance it will be ok.  I'm begging.  Better fortify, and slow down as much as  can.  Being paranoid and afraid is no good.  In a way, it truly is hydrophobia.  OK.

In just a few minutes this rabid dog will take on the enemy, and if all goes well, we will become friends once again.

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So far, so good.  Bizarre as t sounds, I did what some people recommended online.   Not a huge online community but there is presence.   Some found that coating themselves with olive oil/and/or coconut oil prior to the shower helps mitigate the raging attack.   So,  did that as well as the tea tree oil.    I made it so far.

Usually maybe within five minutes it starts up.  I've got plenty of anti histamine in me, plus very small dose of steroid.  And  survived a shower, even though the demon keeps hinting at efforts to wreak havoc.  But the defenses are too much for the evil one, and today we are OK.

At the very first I thought, "Oh good, it my have gone away forever".  Then after I felt the slightest tinge of the 'troubles'--ever watch that show, Haven--good--they have troubles---I thought, "Oh, that's why people could have this for years, it comes and goes.  OK."  Then it got worse, but not problematic, like a very faint shadow of the full blown deal.  Enough to let me know that it is being held back with little pills.

Better held back with little pills than to run wild bringing Hell to my door like a demonic caterer.   I'm fairly certain that I have traced this to a general cause.  It is technical--you wouldn't understand.
It is also somewhat generalized.  Maybe  can correct it myself, and maybe not.  One thing seems likely; I'll have time to try on my own well before I get anything beyond bandaids from the medical professionals.

Most people do not know about how it used to be.  This was before the HMO-referral for everything garbage came into being. We have made technical advances while creating systemic nightmares for those wishing to avail themselves of modern science and healing.

It's a miracle!  I took a shower successfully.   I wish you all could have joined me.  We could have had a big celebration.

 I had been just washing this and that, now and then, avoiding the full ramifications of aqueous immersion.  It had been five or seven days, I think.   Really?  More than three or four days positively.

The good thing is this doesn't get the face, or a couple of other places, just because that is how it works. Silver lining.

So, considering the outcome, and the fact I am n a very cool structure (probably the perfect place for my situation), I say this wind was not all that ill.  I can see the airport in the distance down below.  And I see the city beyond the bay.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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