Monday, August 21, 2017

We Need A New De-Tox Program

It has been going on all my life, and much longer; the cult of personality myth.   For example, many Cubans used to say, "But for one man, Fidel Castro, Cuba would be free!!!"  And others said stuff like that about Hitler, "One man did all this.." blablabla.

That is all inaccurate.  Without Kennedy and a a host of other officials there would be no Fidel.   Ike, you name it.  Without a cooperative army of greedy bastards there would have been no communist Cuba.  It was not Fidel's disdain of capitalism, but his unabridged greed that set Cuba on its path.  You think he wanted to be saddled with rule of law, a constitution?   No, not likely.

People get all focussed on one figure to deify or hate, as the solution to all or the cause of all evil.  It indemnifies them from just handling their own lives, admitting their fears or shortcomings.  It is great for those who like to arrange power plays and the destination of your money is secret deals.  The perpetual distraction.  No one wants truth, they just want the face in front of them that they are told to hate.

The Trump fanaticism has gone off the charts.  I am not a fan of his, but truth is truth, and I still think the democratic party is a jackboot outfit.  Republicans are clearly not a good alternative.  They are like the comical relief.  It is a game.

Anyway, the Trump hysteria and bashing has gone so far it has lost all meaning.  Those in the fray resent it like crazy when I say it is peer approval driven to a large degree.  But it is.  I saw a thing on FaceBook that discussed the sun, the eclipse and blindness.   Someone commented with the question of I wonder how many will end up blinded.  Right on cue we get a typical anti-Trump reply:  "I hope Trump looks at it without any filter."

Really?  WTF?  We're talking eclipse.  Chances are, if you post on social media, sharing the fact that you ran over a bunny rabbit, you'll get a reply from someone who bemoans the fact that you did not run over the president.

It is so absurdly stupid and contrived.  But they get the attaboy or you go girl BS from the "resistance" as if they actually expressed a real thought.

I do believe it has gone to the point of a real sickness.   Many were big on Obama cheap shots, but nothing to this extent.  Not even close.  The NY Times has op eds that have gone into such convoluted comparisons, and analyses of Trump's thoughts, and possible motivations and what ifs< treating them as fact, that I am surprised even those editors wouldn't be embarrassed.   Instead, they double down.

Say it enough and maybe it will be so.  Over and over they claim that Trump defends the kkk and nazis.  Never happened. What did happen is a governor and mayor facilitated a violent confrontation. Trump blamed all the thuggish outfits instead of just the idiotic tiki torch brigade.   Also, many were upset about the monument controversy but not supporting kkk or white supremacists.  Nuance and truth is lost on social media.  Current logic rules include emotional triggers and feeling offended.  Can't actually reason with that because you'll be told your privilege is showing.

I got yer privilege right here, biotch!

 I guess the Donald could have been stupid enough to defend racists groups (but he didn't); anyone dumb enough to engage in a public feud with that classless crude creep, Rosie, is pretty dumb.  Especially because he was just as creepily classless in the back and forth as was she.  Topping or equalling Rosie in the realm of crass, disgusting northeastern culture low life banter is an accomplishment.   Two peas in a pod.

I can right now go on thousands of different FB pages and just say something irrelevant in comments bashing Trump and people will lol or otherwise jump on the Trump-bad-must-bash-blindly-like-zombie bandwagon.  And I can feel OK and accepted, one of the gang.  I belong, at last.

It is so over the top. And it is so much part of the news that whatever is really going on is getting under reported or hidden, if reported at all.

In the mean time we pretend antifa and blm are not hate groups and that Trump is Grand Wizard of the kkk.  And also whatever they call the head nazi.  I don't like TRump, but this stuff is nonsense.  I hate people who have to lie. Or institutions that do this sort of lie.  The old Alinsky ridicule routine.  That's what I hated about dade co public schools and the democratic party--same false narrative tactics, always.  They claim to stand for the "little guy", etc., but they are actually brutal to anyone who does not conform to their templates.  Always been like that.  The party that hates people while pretending to protect them.  Toxic.  And I only wish I knew what was what republican wise.  But they seem to get caught in weird myths and issues which I think should be outside government's purview.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Some Click Bait Makes Me Think Our Extinction Won't Be Due To Weather

It is getting pretty bad when one of the click bait things on the side of the facebook page says, "10 Celebs Who Suck In The Bedroom", or something close to it.  I refused to click.  Besides one mans trash is another's treasure.

How dumb and idiotic is a society where something like that will attract huge numbers of viewers/clickers.  I think they use the word "suck" here as more of an adjective than a verb.  Although, either way, how do the authors of this nonsense know?

Of course there is that optimistic side of me that wants to cheer and exclaim,  "Yay!!!  There are famous hotshot celebrities who are as bad in the bedroom as I am.  Yipee!!".   But what if it is all lies, and no one is as bad as I am?  Now that would suck.  Yet, the famous are the ones being publicly graded and subjected to these unpleasant assertions.  I fly under the radar.

Who told the meme machine who was so bad in bed?   If it was their partners, then I have to wonder if maybe it is the blabber mouths who suck.  How could the others be any good if their riffraff trash dishing partners are hopelessly incapable of rewarding intimacy?  

It is sad on so many levels.  Really bodes poorly for the species.   I can understand stupid wastes of time, but the stuff of this nature indicates people are so unhappy and feel like such failures that they want to feel better by trashing others.  People they don't even know.

How can the same species of creature invent and build and make use of air conditioning and also pedal such moronic tripe?  It boggles the mind.

Hidden Comments since 2016 Finally Appear

Just now I discovered that people have commented on some of these screams in vacuum which I put here.  It used to notify my email, but only sometimes. I never could understand that.  At the very least when I came to this site there would be an indication that comments were awaiting moderation.

I did that due to spammers who would paste a book of nonsense and evil code into a comment.  That way I could prevent it from appearing at all.  Also the impolite stalker lady from Memphis was getting rather nasty, years ago.

No indication of pending comments has been visible anywhere.  So I never went to moderation page. But today I see in email a notice that a comment has been submitted.  Some nonsense from either an illiterate or one whose first language is not English.  It was an irrelevant nonsense comment on something written years ago.

That is what brought me to the moderation page.  Crazy.

Not that there were very many comments.  But there were a few.

One suggested a little fear over Trumps foreign policy prospects.  This was probably right after the election.  No one I consider safe in that realm has achieved great political success.

To me, having Sessions in as AG causes me to worry more about domestic policy.  I tend to hate prosecutors.  And he is one of those who would go after things that are stupid to chase but which whittle away rights.  He strikes me as all wrong on marijuana laws and abortion or other things not legitimately under purview of the feds.  Some things are better at state or even down to the individual citizen to decide.

So, while Trump is criticized for criticizing his own attorney general, I am glad to see it, hoping his next one is less of a zealot.  Obama liked to pick partisan racists.   I would love to see an actually constitutionalist in that role.   But the actual law of the land is so inconvenient to the agenda of most law enforcement.  Bizarre.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Not a Good Idea

There are long stretches of time in which I only speak to those I can't avoid.  Coworkers and such.  I'll catch myself going into too much detail or misreading the comprehension of ideas, etc.  Then I'll feel foolish and shut up.

I look back and realize no one who is not mentally damaged in some way, either just naturally or from some event or something, would have such a disjointed and empty slate.  I am frozen and have been to some degree since age 4.  It just seems to have become stronger as I got older.  I welcome the thaw.  I long for the thaw.  I am scared to death of all of it.  Whatever that means.

I can keep saying it is not over, but it will be any minute so saying that is just another of the lies and tricks I use on myself.  How or why that works, I don't know.  I wish it weren't so hot some places or so full of hateful people or so cold or crowded.    One day I will leave here.  I tend to run from friends and associate with people who see the weakness and think they can have fun shredding me.  Only idiots have such issues, so I blame me more than them.

Decent people don't have to think about friends who kill them, figuratively, and all the other stuff riffraff does.  Some people don't have that thing where they feel like they live underwater in the muck.  

There is no visible reason for any of this.  There was some medical stuff but the symptoms are no longer so intense or debilitating.

Flying to TX for a few days.  Some gig outside Austin, maybe in Georgetown, on Aug. 4.   That will be a good break.  I am scared to even go, but the die is cast.

This, whatever it is, has been going on forever.  Anyone in my world would be sick of witnessing it or hearing about it..   Good thing I have so few people in my world.  But if there are people who will betray trust or see that tender place to pierce with the knife, I will find and welcome them.  And that is no good.

Monday, July 17, 2017

I Finally Distilled the Privilege Movement

You are reinforcing tribalism, insisting upon it, under the banner of vanquishing tribalism.   Privilege stems from that.  What you are calling privilege is always what the majority and/or powerful in all societies take for themselves.  As soon as any group gains the numbers they grant their own special privilege.

Some individuals have evolved past that, but most people have not.  I am talking all ethnicities.  Back in the day your white privilege did squat for you in Harlem.  And to this day, just go to the non-white areas of the city, or anywhere in Memphis, and tell me how that white privilege is working.

Mostly, it doesn't work outside your own territory.  But if you claim your territory is so vast that the sun doesn't set on it, chances are you are wielding your privilege thanks to your superior weapons and understanding of how they work.   When you privilege at gunpoint, it ruffles the feathers of the highly populous under class.  Bad thing to do and they end up with trouble for all.

Now they are creating fantasies about privilege.  Guilt, I think, for many, greed for others.   Pretty much trying to unprivilege at gunpoint and reason it from a hyper-tribal perspective.  And that's the problem; necessity to punish under assumption that this is a uniquely whit phenomenon and sickness.

Every dominate group has done that obnoxious form of discrimination in one form or another forever.  Sometimes it is a leave or die kind of deal.

If you want to blame everyone for their ancestors, no one is left innocent.  Maybe that rainforest group that they ruined just by exposing them to modern humanity, and a machete.

Everyone else is not innocent of whatever it is that is used to lament and bemoan and fabricate privilege.  A little current reality, a lot current fantasy.

The far left tell us that a society in which race and ethnicity are neither considered character virtues, nor sins, somehow doesn't work out.  And how dare you cook Mexican food if you aren't Mexican.  Or sell a Ferrari if you aren't Italian.  Something about hijacking cultures?  It is a different word buZzing about.  The privilege police would know.  

The entire Aztec nation was built on commandeering other tribes and their cultures.  It is where they got most of the cool engineering, and scientifically advanced aspects of their culture.  They were just thugs at the outset, like most.   If culture did not incorporate advances and practices developed by others, we would be more backward than we are.

The problem is that discrimination based on color and such had become very much the exception rather than the norm, and was trending toward even more nondiscriminatory.   People who profit from the abuse (Jesse, Al, et al) felt threatened.  The demagogues who keep in office by scaring groups, keeping them ignorant and in poverty, could not have been pleased.

So now they push segregation claiming pulling people out of a murderous, ignorant, destitute way of life is robbing them of their identity.  So, they convince them that their culture is that of the pimps, drug dealers, and violent criminals.  So, they dress like, talk like, act like gangstas. And they even have their own spelling.  This has nothing to do with an actual culture and is an insult but greed blinds people from seeing it.  The greed to be a victim and free of all bounds.  To a victim, any violence or larceny is just, self defense, survival, war.

If you want a just society, so be it.  But punishing or rewarding based upon condition of birth is as elitist and creepy as monarchy.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

The Not So Intelligentsia, but just enough

Before delving into the meat of the current matter, I will mention that I hid from view my post explaining that I am so lame that I let an absurdly critical, self-proclaimed friend, remove any joy or freedom I find in writing.  I used to enjoy it.

I am trying to once again.   Like I am buying that it is an act of friendship to offer such unsolicited views, and then rudely argue them.  All to help me reach my full potential.  No. That is purely insane and bizarre.

But the real deal is that there are so many charismatic people who possess the ability to speak fluently in a way that makes anything, even nonsense,  at least sound valid and profound.  But they are just short of how intelligent they seem to believe themselves to be.

No use arguing it though.  People are so in love with their conclusions that even smart people run a line of distorted facts in their greed to sell their point. Their greed for your acquiescence.

Most of the smartass political rhetoric out there is flawed, skewed and one sided.  People sucker for the either-or choices pushed on them.  Granted, there can be made the argument that these positions and parties snowballed from what people want and gravitated into two basic warring factions.

I believe that argument would be a case of a little truth being used to sell a lie.  People are wanters.  No argument there.

Civic action, mutual protection and common interests of communities are part of how humans survive.  Then it gets taken over by con men and apparent demons of some kind.  Perhaps mutants or a curse from extra terrestrials.

We do not even blink at friggin' family power dynasties in our government.  Does that set off no red flags?  Probably not.  That is because people can only think so many steps back in the cause-and-effect chain.  Often those things are mislabeled.  Try arguing that point with the belligerent.  No thanks.

People are becoming unreasonably unhinged but still following the track laid out by the meme and talking point factories of their choice.  A guy actually said you are more likely to get hit by a republican drunk driver than killed by gang members or terrorists.   Really?  That was in a back and forth about sanctuary cities and not liking party crashers does not mean you hate all Mexicans.  Stuff that only needs explaining because people are so greedy for power.

The next best thing if you can't have real power, is real anger.  Someone or thing to hate.   Because of that greed, people will ignore the ridiculous rhetoric and behavior as long as it supports the ultimate point.  The conclusion that feels good, that frees them to behave as violently as they want, because it is self defense.  They are fighting for their rights.

Just ask them.  Really, you don't need to because they are rather vocal and self serving.   For some reason, in order to refute a contrary point of view, they need to make up dire statistics and stories, circumventing plain logic and truth.   Sometimes the conclusion can be supported reasonably.   Sometimes not.

Smart enough to fight for a cause and enjoy the freedom of victimhood and anger, but not quite smart enough to actually dissect the issue they support/oppose to be sure it is right.  Plus if it is a bandwagon opportunity, most people jump on.  Makes them feel like they can pretend to think without going to any real effort.  They don't even realize it half the time, is what I think.

That is why it is useless, and even dangerous to push the argument with them.

Recently I skimmed an article bemoaning criticisms of higher education by "conservatives".  It went on to the extreme type of ignoramus who would claim, "If it good 'nuff fer ma daddy then it good nuff fer me".  They cut you off.  The article tries to make you think any criticism of their insane policies, all out propaganda assault on students and community, narrow mindedness, and heavy handedness toward the innocent, means you hate knowledge, are republican, and resist all manner of essential elements vital to the very survival of our species.

Sounds like the Dade County public schools of my youth.  The students that get crushed or fall through the cracks in this system.  It is kind of cruel.  And it isn't what you see promoted.  What is promoted is only vote pandering.  Much is nonsense.

The perpetual victim status of all these divisions which have nothing to do with whether you are worth a damn as a human or not, is now ensured to continue indefinitely as we immerse ourselves in the hatred and contemplation of "privilege".   You cannot have the privilege of which we speak without someone being victimized.  Almost everyone has the opportunity to be a victim.  No need to state the obvious, especially because you get labeled as something you are not if you do.  Got to be a universal oppressor somewhere...

And it is true in some ways.  What people refuse to do is to stick to the truth in their stories and examples, even when truth is there.  That extra bit of exaggeration, the little omission.        
See?  Smart enough to catch a understand a bit, but not stalwart enough to stick to truth and try to look back several steps to see what was going on up to now; to double check their story.

We don't have much info indicating humans were ever at peace.  But I hold that we really don't know.  They keep finding older evidence of the species.

But the ones who actually consider themselves "the masses" (ugly term) can actually be convinced that the African continent was in peaceful bliss, that the Aztecs were at one with nature and a big love  fest of a nation before europeans hit the shore.

I am not saying I am a fan of Inquisition period Spain or any of that.  But that does not justify lying about the rest of the world.   That is what made the philosophy espoused in the Declaration of Independence and embodied in our Constitution so important and cutting edge.   And yet people still look for kings and queens and lords and masters; "Camelot", my ass.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Movie Review

I live miles from everywhere.  Up here they do not run cable.  You can get satellite.  So internet connection methods are limited.  Anyway, I am among the unwashed who still use Redbox and watch DVDs on my laptop.

Which is why I rented this incredibly odd movie, "Viking Legacy".  The stole Seinfeld's "show about nothing" idea.  Maybe they took it too far.

The movie is about some scrolls and world peace and sex in the woods, but not really.  Wow, I just realized they should quote me there.  It makes the movie sound far more coherent and interesting than it is.   So many things made no sense.  Like why didn't the bad guys just shoot them with arrows through the thin wall of fire?  No need to elaborate on that.'

The acting did improve as we went along.  People on screen appeared genuinely relieved when their characters got knifed in the heart and what-have-you, welcoming death with unnatural zeal, if you ask me.

There you have it.  So bad, and weirdly paced that  I am almost tempted to recommend it.  Like as a time filler if you're laid up and bored but too doped up to care about plot and such.  

Do you think they teach people how to act that badly?  I almost want to give kudos because the actors are so good at proving they can't act, but they're chic in a Tiny Tim sort of way.

These are Vikings in the old days.  Hanging out somewhere in the land of Christians.  Nuns killing people right and left.  Seriously, bad ass nun.

I realize a murderous nun is no shock to many of those who grew up Catholic and attended parochial school.   She's not a Viking, of course.  She's even meaner.  They baptized one Norseman, our low key hero.

He switched from his gods to hers (the heroine not nun) because he was in heat and on her turf.  That part was true to life.

Really, no offense, but isn't converting to a religion to please a spouse sort of nonsense?   You are doing it for one general reason,. And it has nothing to do with suddenly finding God, it's because that's the surest way to round the bases and come sliding in at home.  

I'm not saying I wouldn't convert under proper motivation.  Even though I really dislike a lot of religions; a bigot and a phobe.  I won't argue it one way or another beyond that, just saying yea I'm phobic.

I went off topic.  This movie is perfect if you need noise going on while you doze off.

They used the word Viking to attract viewers, I guess.  No boats, just some wandering around stabbing and uttering dialog written by someone not privy to the movie's plot.

All the good guys get killed anyway.  Conversion did not help that.  But the nun and the chick whose character may have been central to this riveting story (not sure) ride off on some mission to "the Council" shouting "girl power" or some equivalent, so it seems.  yay

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Now This is More Like It

Maybe video will appear, plenty of people were recording us with their phones at the American Legion event.  We were outdoors under a nice big oak on a plywood stage.  Perfect for my cowboy boot flamenco routine.

The whole thing was a pleasant surprise.  Chris has become better and better.  Emily, too.  And I was motivated to ignore my depressing inner dialog mantras for awhile and just see what I could do with the sounds I could add to the mix.

Those who knew me will think of me as a damned harmonica player when I kick.  I only do it because I would fall off the edge if I didn't.  I'd rather be a cutting edge engineer or physicist.  Or some such thing.  A little late.

I have no idea how this works;  Chris and Em are the least experienced of people that I have regularly backed, been part of the band.  Yet, they seem to be the best paying, and in many ways, the most beloved by audiences.   There is an automatic kind of kinship they seem to have with people.

This cool afternoon and evening with the enthusiastic crowd and just the freewheeling nature of this group, I felt like turning out something to help the event hold attention.

But they are heading out in a day.  I think their Texas day jobs are working out well.  They both work for a large contractor.  I think he is doing more hands on superintendent sort of stuff, but not a ton of hours, and she's full time in estimating.  They are still hounding me to move and still scheming feasible plans.

They needn't push.  I plan to visit before the first of the year.  Hopefully I will remain here Christmas.  If I travel I hope for October.  I'll see what's what.  I have some schemes worked out.

Lately I have had more work, mostly fixing the damage and chaos created and left at the place by our esteemed guests.  The resort home at, in, and around which I do various things, but to say I am a handiman or housekeeper or window washer would all be false, and true.   If things remain as is for awhile, I can save enough to replace this car with another Forester of more recent year, and fewer miles.  I narrowly missed one that was really nice and a price I could have paid, but felt it.  Still, way less than I paid the first time.  But that one was nearly new, like this one was.  Now, 272,000 + miles.

I'd probably keep this car as the work car, with tools and mess.  The other would be the road car.  Then one of those lightweight camper trailers which include some comfort but not some other things. I could actually probably hack it.  I am actually keeping an eye out for both the vehicle and the camper.    It fits in to one interesting possibility in Tx.

Then again, I just don't know.  I guess a good idea would be to visit, and see.   Maybe see if I can cope with the heat or not.  I was raised in heat.  Miami.  Geez, they even named the basketball team heat.  What's that tell you?  (that's rhetorical, you needn't respond)

So, I expected the drunk part to screw it all up.  Could have gone either way, but being outside, it worked out.  Also a large contingent of not drunk people were outside.  They liked the music, and they liked avoiding being confined in a building with the perpetually drunk.

The fact that I used to be a drunk person doesn't prevent me from acknowledging the totally obnoxious and annoying nature of most drunks.  There is the variety which is like insistent insanity.  No win.  Win meaning peace. Unmolested personal peace.

I recognized the majority of the non drunk people.  And some on the edge of alcohol doing a real number on them.

So, I have gone to nearly mixing it up with a worthless baby boomer, about my age, one night, to inspired playing with almost millennials and a crowd that could be rowdy without the sort of rude nonsense I witnessed at the Belly up.  Places that run the way that place does rake it in, but they really offer no real customer service, just alcohol and some token food. Maybe good burgers.  Who knows.  No way I wanted to navigate that zoo.

All those people packed standing in the open place in front of the stage.  It is a large area.  The majority of people were packed in that area. All standing.  And pushing against the sitdown people around the edge.  In some universes the fire code would not allow this sort of bulk people packing,    If there had been any sort of fire or panic causing event, requiring evacuation, some people would get hurt.  No doubt.  Creepy baby boomers, I hope.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Never Again

I like Los Lonely Boys, so I went to see them at a local venue that for some reason books a lot of great bands for a night as they travel wherever.  Belly Up Tavern.

Band yes.  That venue, no.  A big mix on age.  The most obnoxious contingent, of course, being drunk baby boomers.  The place is really an insult.

They pack people in, mostly standing and being obnoxious in what would be a dance floor area.  Tall people to the front.  Embarrassing.  

I used to drink, and I guess I forgot about places like that.  They bring in good bands, and have a drunk sort of crowd.  That is life to many.  I almost got in a fight with a guy.  And I was thinking psychotic.  If he had gone for the assault he promised, I had decided how to best disable him, maybe bust ear drums or put out eyes.  I settled for saying keep off of me and f*** off.  He said something else and I said F*** you f***ing moron.  He was a bully.  I know the kind, taller than most, and just big enough to intimidate the uninformed.  But they only push it where resistance is low.  Cowards and creeps.  Baby boomers.  The creepiest generation.  And I had to be born in it.

So the guy eventually disappeared, reappeared, then vanished.  The setup of the venue is one that you can only take advantage of if you know the score.  Wait in line for the doors to open, hoping to get a seat at one of the side semi bleacher sort of seats with bench table.  But chances are the people who bought separate tickets for the happy hour, hours earlier, also had show tickets and scooped up all the tables.  The rest are just serving as shills to bolster the pride in idiocy that characterizes a lot of pop culture, and maybe all culture.

Interestingly the people around us in line were really nice, entertaining people.  They knew more what they were in for and how they liked to approach it.   Really it was a series of unfortunate events that made the event disaster for me.  Not so much for my friend M, but to some extent, that may say it all.  That is good if she had a fine time.  It was mostly payback for helping me do some work at home.

I should be grateful, a year or two ago, I could not have risked being stuck somewhere where I might be triggered for one of the pruritus episodes.  So that part is better.  Been trying to get more exercise.  Work is good for that.   I need to take advantage of the sneaky slippers program offered in my insurance.  Go to the gym on the insurance company because you are a feisty senior.  

I have always hated the age terms.  Even in my 30's I wanted to barf listening to TV news blathering about, "Well, the rain didn't dampen the spirits of these feisty seniors, as they make their way to Montana's Beartooth Pass on skateboards!  Yaz, (name of co-anchor or weather person), it just goes to show age is but a number"

Then co-anchor responds, laughingly, " well, I hope I can just walk when I'm that age.  Already, I'm feeling the aches in my bones, trying to get out of bed in the morning.  My hat's off to these sexy seniors."  Hahaha.  Fun is had by all.  Seriously, I do not have the blueprint of the best alternative, but this cannot be the best way for civilization to evolve.  It just doesn't feel right.

But that is probably the definition of how a depressive or other mental case feels.   But is it a trick because we've evolved from co-anchor banter and good idiotic humor, to panels of self proclaimed experts, mostly spouting the same hysteria and drivel, while screaming over one another, especially the designated devil's advocate or caricature of the opposition.

It is strange how all of it so reminds me of the Dade County public schools, that I attended as a confused and dying youth.   It has not changed.  Schools are the biggest bullies since out of control police.  Maybe worse.  In the name of protecting and preventing bullying, they invariably throw the less malleable, yet not malicious, inmates into the collateral damage gutter and go on.   Not born with extra points for their condition of birth.  And not born with money.  But not destitute enough for the state to take over.  Which does have its advantages.

I have very little to say that would be favorable, even though the actual academics were mostly high quality.  The treatment and pretense was peculiar, and Miami kids had a very large percentage of thugs and jerks.  I wonder of many of the failed on purpose so they'd be bigger than their classmates, facilitating their desire to fight but not get hit.  They could extort lunch money, destroy property of others for no reason, force others to give test answers, etc.

I now go to another drunk venue, the American Legion in Alpine.  The plus side is that we will be outside, it is with Valor and Lace.  Chris and Emily.  Resonator/dobro man is in TX and could not make it back this weekend.  So Chris and Em and Richard all live close in TX now, them permanently, Richard temporarily for close to a year.   So it is outside, haven't seen them for while, and all that.  The sad side is the degree of alcoholism there and the sometimes obnoxious character that assumes.  After last night I guess I will be subdued.  Plus I am playing with a Marine scout sniper.  No one will step too far out of line.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Time Flies and Flutters

  IT  has been an interesting month or so.   Some of it highlights my good fortune, considering my compulsive negligence when it comes to nurturing and maintaining my own life and best interests.  This whole forced medical thing can sometimes be worked to some benefit.

Being old and poor but not destitute is a winner in the medical world, for the moment.  I made just enough that they allowed me to elect insurance which gives choice and I can refer myself to a cancer hack or orthopedic doctor.  Since rare diseases get misdiagnosed by the average nitwit, this setup allowed me to skip the fools and get to decent specialists.   I dodged a bullet there.

It was through my own research and long distance consultation with a friend's brother-in-law/hematologist that we got things narrowed down.  Hard to imagine now that showers had become a very painful ordeal, and high humidity could be torture.  I could not let water splash on me and leave it.   Those were rougher times in many ways.

But I got the stuff done.  Expensive stuff.  Mutation tests and other stuff which I will forego in future.  Colonoscopy and endoscopy can be over rated, and they can create problems which were not there.  I will avoid that in future.

Finally I even got a primary care babe.  I swear, in another life, I would have to be married to her.  In my eyes she is perfect.  If I knew her better, who knows.  Anyway, she's good news.

So, I even willingly accepted antibiotics.  They have it down to a five day thing.  I used to not handle them well at all.  Anyway, there may be a reason why they were invented.

I still wonder if I should just embrace the vagabond life, score one of those mini campers, like the egg shaped ones.  The very back is like an outdoor, covered kitchen, and the inside is mostly bed.  There are different shapes and kinds of lightweight campers out there.

It is a thought.  Sometimes you can get a gig doing part time work at a campground in exchange for free hook up and such.  There are entire websites devoted to the working camper community.  They migrate sometimes.  Sometimes stay for awhile at one spot.

My friend the ex math teacher, marine, resonator player, ex drummer, has a gig like that in Texas.  He has a fifth wheel set up, so his trailer has as much space as my cabin just about.  I have higher ceilings.  I must say, I have become hooked on high ceilings.  Had that in Memphis too.  The resonator is planning to stick with his gig for a year and cone back to SD because of family/grandkids.   Makes sense to me.

Finally broke down and got a 5 x 8 storage space in Alpine.  It is up some stairs but a good place.  Already, just from tools that need sorting, mostly, the floor space is mostly taken.  Some things get stacked.  I plan to organize it all in the next month, getting rid of what does not in any way bring joy.

I finally dumped the last souvenirs from New Zealand.  It is a great country and all that, but in the context of my personal visit and experiences related to the place, but not the fault of the place, there is nothing about it that gives me joy.  So, I donated jacket and other textiles geared toward jingoistic New Zealanders and tourists.   They only brought a dark wish for selective amnesia, and a sense of self loathing.  No joy.  No joy,  then it must go.

Got that from the cute Japanese girl's book about tidying up and her experiences with hopeless people, who must not be that hopeless, because they can afford to hire her.  Anyway she has done well with her hobby and compulsion to clean up.  I have made much progress, even at this late stage of life.  Much of life life has been spent rejecting my true nature, which is not chaotic and self destructive.  Even though it seems so.  That is reactive.  Reactive depression or just reaction.

People only harass or try to criticize others for things that aren't theirs to critique, when they can get away with it.  Hi, I'm your friend, your life sucks, your writing sucks, you should do so much better.  I only say this because I am a friend, and friends don't let friends under achieve.  Really?

That is the rationale of one whose concept of personal boundaries has been bastardized under veil of some altruistic sounding rationalizations.   End result is, the critic wields some kind of power as long as you sit still for it; "You should...blablabla"  Critic dictating down to you.  It is an ego trip.  Worst thing is, such people get furious at your reluctance to be harangued over that which is not anyone else's business.  Unbelievable, but a sign of the times.  Everyone loves excuses which give them license to judge, control, and critique the lives of others.

Like drugs were used to kill the 4th amendment, smoking was perfect for giving people the excuse to exercise power over others.  Certainly there was some element of legitimacy.  You don't smoke in confined areas forcing others to put up with your smoke.   But then it became a thing of fanatics making a big show of coughing and bitching when you were outdoors and downwind of them.

Then public officials start involving themselves in your diet, your obesity, your sugar intake, etc.   Public health costs is the rationale, yet most of those officials are bloated and over indulgent, themselves.  Ridiculous that people go right along.  Any excuse to push into the lives and business of others, while taking money from them at gunpoint.

So, obviously, whatever that school of thought is that says, "it's OK for friends to demean and judge friends in the name of their higher good", is not a school of thought to which I adhere.  Never liked it.  I think it is where politicians, mostly democrats, but repubs, too, as well as public schools, made me sick to my stomach.  They love that soviet style of intrusive propaganda and use of force to make you go along with it.

Work is too weird to describe.  One minute I expect to be fired, the next, I am in demand to solve problems.  The manager almost never listens.  His solutions are the craziest things I have ever heard.  I do my best to present things to him in such a way that he is not encouraged to give a point of view or solution.  I won't try to recall a good example.  It is often some impossible suggestion or is actually what we suggested originally but he nixed it, and now he is suggesting it like it is a new brilliant thought.  OK.

The best thing is that my Texas pals will be back to play a gig in Alpine on Sat.  I am their harp guy, so I will be playing.  They will be trying to figure out how to get me to move to their area in the Austin area.  I hear Austin is not what it was.  It is getting a little obnoxious, as far as the music scene.

But outlying areas in TX are going full guns if you are country, and probably being a badass Marine scout sniper doesn't hurt.

I refuse to give in to whatever "it" is; depression, psychosis, neurosis, fatigue, chronic conundrum, etc.   I do give in but not entirely.  I am not giving up.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

A Long Lost Friend, Gone for the Duration

My friend, Pat, from back in when I last lived in Miami kicked the damned bucket.  I only found out because I had an impulse to, once again, see if I could find him from online search.  That search had been futile in the past.

This time the search pulled up his obituary.   It went into very little detail.  At least survivors were listed. It said he died in a particular hospital in GA., but did not give cause or illness.  Nothing.  Very strange.  No idea when they moved to Georgia.

He was a real estate broker turned lawn maintenance entrepreneur in the late 80's, early 90's.  My first full time job after quitting drinking.  One of my favorite of all time.  We did a lot of large condo complexes and such.  He would always vary where we started and such until he hit the optimal plan, often cutting a day, or half a day off the 2 or 3 day job.  It did not seem like it would make a difference, but it did.

I only left that job because I was getting migraines and couldn't handle the sun.  And I kind of felt under-employed when I considered how others must view me.  (One or more girlfriends looked down on it, I could tell--always ignore snobby chicks or status fools) In reality I thoroughly enjoyed the hard work, being in shape, and Pat's ever present humor and wisdom.  The kindness and friendship he showed were big influences on my life at that time.

It never ceases to amaze me how slow I am to catch on to things with people.  Anyway, you would have had to be there to see how he ran things differently from any lawn operation I'd seen.  We were like the Florida A & M Rattlers band and the competition was like a normal high school marching band.

I had no idea running a weed eater could be such an art, and that you could literally run with it once you became good.  I had no idea of any of it.  I thought I was in fair shape the first day.  I was addressing some kind of block long hedge in a sidewalk.  Either I was to use the weed whacker to shape the hedge or to edge, or both--don't recall.  I remember him laughing at my first efforts, showing me how you do it.  How he discovered this is beyond me.  I was heavily winded all day.  Soon, I was an ace, not winded, but always drenched in sweat. Miami.

He got out of the real estate brokering for a developer gig because he'd burned out, and likely alcohol didn't help.  He enjoyed the lawn business, especially getting commercial accounts.  And in Miami he said it was like shooting fish in a barrel.  I never tried that but I hear it is easy.

I remember him saying, as we were hanging out at place where you achieve and maintain sobriety, if you can, "You know anyone looking for a job?".  I said I was.  He couldn't believe I would do such work.  He had no idea how lost and frazzled I was, I guess.  Anyway, he really did like my contribution to the success of his company.

I'm sure he had little idea how much I admired him.  I do think his wife considered anyone from the getting sober world a bit below her.  She also seemed to think the landscape biz was below her too.  I get it.  Especially in Miami I always felt that kind of attitude; ridiculing and status bullying.   But Pat seemed to love it.  In the few cases where we did residences, Pat spent more time with his ubiquituous cup of coffee and cigarette, schmoozing the owners, than he did working.  But our job was to make him and his business look good.  It turns out most of the residential clients had bought their houses from him.

As much as I try to pretend I would never be ashamed of honest work, I often felt I was hitting rock bottom and was somehow sabotaging myself into humiliation of under employment, and blablabla.  Nonsense though it is, I used that to torture my mind I guess.  Pat was a good lesson.  He had a nice house, boat, family, cold though his wife seemed, stability.  Never have I had that for any length of time.  He was only a few years older than I am.   Maybe lung cancer, or melanoma from the Miami sun, got him.

Another of those amazing teachers in life, gone.  I lost contact long ago, and tried now and then to reconnect.  Of course, it has often been tough for others to find me.  Odd, since I am all over the danged interweaving.

You had it more together than I realized.  It has taken me a lifetime to even begin to get what is really important.   Thank you, friend, for all of it.   You were the real deal.

dear joel, re-read, there will be a reading comprehension test---fail it again and you'll have to repeat a grade

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Well, it's five six seven eight, open up the Pearly Gates..

Here we go again, in so many ways.  Syria, schmyria, that is what I say.  But not when I am in Syria.   Or even when confined in a room with Syrians.  Could happen.

I am almost sure the bombing was the wrong thing to do.  I base that purely upon the favorable press the move garnered from both repub and demos.  If they agree, then it is probably a thing of deception and evil. Just is.

Then there is all the false flag speculation. Maybe one of the theories of inside job will be accurate. One says that Putin staged it all so that Trump could look good like he was standing up to Russia.  Seems to be a stretch, but that hasn't stopped the ongoing press for the last three months.  Relentless and often transparently biased but very lame in the attacks.  You run out of ammo if you never take your finger off the trigger and you are wielding an automatic.

I get the same feeling as when Clinton bombed weird stuff and found Bosnia worth going to war over.  I still think that may be debatable.  Anyway, democrats love war.  Yet they successfully claim to be the outfit of peace.  Like how Vietnam worked.   I take it back.  They only love wars that never end and which give them a chance to harass those fighting.  Rules of engagement, second guessing why a terrorist got shot.  In a war zone.  I do not know how the military manages to take orders from these nitwits and narcissists.  Two in a row.  But one at least likes them.  Still.  I couldn't do it under the circumstances, even though  I'm beginning to understand those who do.

And there's discussion that this is a proxy war between the Saudi allies and the Iranian allies.  The Shite Muslims vs the other ones. (I know. It is my prejudice coming through. At least I added the e.)

All I can say is I wish I would have gone into sales for one of the companies who make million dollar bullets.  I handle Tomahawk missile sales.  I always hope they miss the first time, so they have to buy more.  Rumors that my company creates fake targets to deceive our troops into deploying various expensive rockets and missiles and such are totally untrue.

I understand the chemical attack was sadistic and barbaric.  Not sure there is or isn't proof of origin. However we haven't bombed N. Korea, even though that little clown fed his own uncle to hungry dogs.  And has done quite a number on his people.  We did not stop China from murdering millions over the years.  On and on.  I am not buying the story.  But I do not have an alternative.

I do not know what is true, or what our ultimate objectives actually are in foreign policy, but this ain't it.  This just seems contrived.  But that is what I said about Gulf War one.  At least that looked like a quick in and gone operation.  Does seem to have resulted in lasting peace and prosperity except for the arms and bullet salesmen.

It is a relief to see a slight lull in some of the ridiculous, rabid onslaught of anti-Trump press and relentless propaganda.  Ever hear of overkill?  Over the top?   Scary damn people.  Scarier than the people they are screaming about, and I admit there are some scary people in power.  Most people in power do not have the strength of character not to abuse it.  Just look and condo and home owner associations.  Petty power and they go crazy.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Fear Itself

Every once in awhile, if things feel totally out of my control, in certain contexts, I experience a bit of fear.  Odd physical manifestations can do that, as well as governmental presence, whether they are there to help or punish.  Governmental entities and practices probably generate more fear than most other things in life.  Seriously.

A friend of mine was on the streets for well over a decade.  He is intelligent, and everyone likes him.   A Viet Nam vet.   But that is not actually what landed him on the street.  He had a rather creative wife who managed to mangle finances and else prior to divorce.  Then there came tax issues.

Somehow my friend ended up in a catch 22 sort of thing.  If he earned anything on the books, the IRS and his wife took it all, except less than a hundred a month, or something close.  Eventually, he said screw it.  He went to the black market economy trading in black market commodities which left him more spending money.

He finally became a drunk and druggie, eventually becoming a hard core homeless type.  Vestiges of what war does to people, especially the crazy ass way they conducted that war, certainly affected him.  But the real point is that without a workable way to appease that criminal government agency, this guy could no longer cope.

As big a jerk as my father may have seemed, the IRS really did a number on him in his final years.  I find it next to criminal that somehow, maybe 8 years after he died, they decided they'd raped him for close to $100K in excess of what even they thought they were due.  So, they refunded to his re-married widow.  Some reached my brother and I through a technicality.  Nothing she could do about it  

I think it is sick that they reduced him to a miserable existence and then refund the excess after he died.  He was no angel and lacked any sort of tact or diplomatic savvy, but that does not excuse their actions.  He was right to tell that auditor he was "a slimy little man in a slimy little job".  Not a wise utterance but true.  I've met tax auditors and I cannot say I ever met one I respected or liked.  They are vicious and hate the public.

Anyway, my only main fear is if I died before things were in good enough order.  Getting there.  I don't think my music friends realize how it is sometimes very tricky getting to, and through, gigs sometimes.  Overall, I have improved over the past year, but once in awhile I get caught off guard and feel less than well.

I don't even read the MPN updates all the time.  Even though that is my best source of info re treatments, what others experience, doctors  of note, etc.  Great resource, but I can only indulge so much.  It is the complete life of several patients; researching and being involved with all that the condition entails.  Even running around the town to make money for MPN research, whatever it is called.  

I think maybe the MPN non profits are too new and too tied in with patients to be the big scam that most things like Cancer Society and other medical charities are.   They are out of business if major breakthroughs or cures come to fruition.

Fatigue and nausea can be very sneaky.  You cannot rest your way out of fatigue.  Movement, and exercise are the best things to reduce the feeling that your legs are rubber.   Very tough to just ignore the wobbly fatigue feeling and do what needs doing.   Not impossible.

I sometimes have energy.  It is probably the manic cycle.  It does help if I can get myself moving so that the mania kind of picks me up and counters the exhaustion.  

The fact that I am less plagued by the itching attacks and that mess, and am able to do more in some ways, indicates that maybe I am reducing this stuff to whatever its minimal condition is.
Babbling I guess.  Well, if I kick any time, this will be of some interest.  What is annoying is the shooting sensations that hit my legs or feet or arms and hands often at night.  Maybe it is what they mean by bone pain.  It is not like you can touch it and have any influence.  It is deeper or something.


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Will Los Lonely Boys Hire Me?

Well, they should, if you ask me.

Big if.  Finally I decided to get tickets for Los Lonelys. They will be at a relatively small venue for them, I think.  Belly Up Tavern in Solana beach.  Very near where I work. I've never been there, and I rarely go to any sort of concert.  Especially if it costs money, involves a lot of people, parking, and other hoopla most people handle as if it is normal.

Now I'm thinking, what if by some stroke you managed to jam with them.  ?   Then I thought, you wouldn't even be prepared.  Better check it out. Sure enough, Heaven is in F#, a key I manage to avoid generally.  I have F# among my practice harps, but I do not have a B which is the cross position harp for F#.  Cross is always five above, counting sharps and flats, or I think music nits call it a fourth above.  Musselwhite and I count five.  Learned it in his book.

I went ahead and pulled up a video of a live performance of Heaven, used my F#, and concluded I could hang using either key harp, and not feel bad about it.  I have to say, to jam with them would be something, I think.   Much of their music just hits me right.

Maybe my friend M, who will be tagging along, will somehow let Henry of LLB know they should waste some time and money on a harp player exactly like me.  She is not shy and also a fan.  Could happen.  I am such a putz and coward, women always run interference for me.  I must be shameless because I feel no remorse over this.

The first time I played in public sober was in Jamaica.  That time E. was responsible for initiating that deal.  It was a staff-guest talent show at a resort.  House band was reggae, with a keyboard playing music director who really had it going on.  Seems it was mostly keyboard, bass, and drums.

Anyway, we jammed off a riff and it was amazing.  The point is, I am now a New England Patriots fan for life as a result, and it is a clear case of a woman facilitating my progress in ways I never would have done on my own.

Women taught me most of what I know, or at least made it possible.  Men instinctively wanted to kill me for most of life, while pretending not.  It is too bad.  I did not notice all these things until way too late, and not that long ago.

Anyway, you never know.

I could use my gig harps and play along with LLB using a B harp, but I don't do that.  I'd have to walk across the room, and I prefer to reserve 1st string harps for rehearsals and shows.  Remind me--I should get a new A minor harp.  And a new B minor, maybe.

If you see those guys, let them know I could be hired cheap and will jam for free.  Lucky them.


That Contract Sanction is Still On

Some time ago, I believe I tried to arrange a hit on myself.  I probably should have gone to Murder Inc. dot com.  If there is such a site; afraid to check.

Anyway, the new fee is $2000.00.  I have no idea how the collection arrangements should be made. No way I pay in advance and get ripped off.  No, you have to off me first.

You could maybe stipulated that I have it on me, then you just take it when done.  But what if you prefer to the far away sniper method?  That changes things.

Oh well.  Still on, and the money is there.  You just have to figure out how to do the job and collect.

It is a gray Wednesday, and after a brief period of relief, I am again plagued by my perennial angst over wasting a perfectly good life, and by some standards, good mind, body and dozens of friendships.

No wonder it is as it is.  Now I am too tired to fix it.  Oh well.  Got at least two gigs this weekend, plus stuff with veterans' music therapy stuff, plus I don't know what else music-wise.  

The thing is, I am getting really sick of playing, sick of music, and totally sick of whatever opinions and causes lame nobody musicians, and their famous cousins, embrace.  Show people are the biggest dumbasses when it comes to how the world should be organized and operate.  Really the proud idiocy often overshadows and eclipses any value their talent may bring.

A perfect example is one of my favorite guitar players running around in a big Che T-shirt grinning like a freshly lobotomized zombie.  What a moron.  Great player but dumb as a rock.  Sorry, Carlos S., I do mean you.

You can know things, see things, understand things, yet still be so personally conflicted or in grief that you cannot do anything much worthwhile.  Even though you may not be doing bad stuff.  Just nothing, mostly.  It is no fun.  You cannot pretend to believe what the sheep around you pretend to believe.  You set yourself up for ridicule and torment.  Why?  Casting pearls before swine in the classic sense. You know they are dumb but you assume they mean well.

Assumptions are often wrong.  Lately, most of my assumptions are wrong.  But I still hate that nonsense about when you assume you make an ass out of u and me.  Nonsense!  Assumption is a reasonable part of trying to make sense of life and keep from getting eaten alive.  I assume that running into a pack of wolves yelling "bad dog" would be a mistake.

Hell with it.  One shot, one kill.  That is the USA Marine sniper's credo.   Let it apply here, should you accept this mission.  How to actually collect the money is still not totally settled.  Just tell them I said so, and use password "nincompoop".   Some survivor is bound to pay if you use the password.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Crooked As Norm Is Not New

In the year 2000 I was in Greensboro, NC working at the airport.  Night shift when possible.  Good times and dark times.  What's new?  Except--even in the most nonsensical paralyzing depression, I have never felt as far gone in the old pit of despair since moving out west.

The location is only incidental.  It was held up as the motive and reason in itself, but the truth was I needed major reset.  Not like that Hillary button either.  To a grand degree it worked but learning not to be an ultra depressed or otherwise defective idiot takes time.  It can be done.

The story, though is set at Greensboro airport in the year 2000.  A young girl left a purse at the gate.  I think she was maybe 11 or so.  She was gone, flight was gone, last of the day had come in.   The other agents there wanted to take the money.  Can you believe that?  There was ID, and I was able to discover destination and arranged to ship it out on flights that would return it to her within a day.

But the crazy thing is that I was odd man out, or at least in the minority for not being a heartless petty thief.  But I remember a few years before that, in Miami the "edgy" action news reporter, actually ridiculed a guy who found like 50K and turned it in.  She called him a schmuck.  Precursor to news source for most of America being comedy shows and roasts.

The point is, people have been dirtbags, and celebrating that fact, for a long time.  The up side is that this dirtbaggery is not some new facet of the evolution of the species.  In some quadrants it is declining.  The problem is, dirtbags multiply at an exponentially higher rate than non dirt bags.  So the planet is getting overloaded with lunatics, zealots, ultra creeps.   Violent ones.

With luck they kill one another off. That again beings me to abortion.  Most people want nothing to do with it.  But the ones who are really thrilled with it, and use ending pregnancy, to avoid childbirth, are best off not multiplying in most cases.  If they kill themselves and one another, it is the only way decent people, who leave others to live their lives in peace and liberty, can thrive.

Well, one way they can thrive.

I am still stunned by that little airport incident, even though the crew in Memphis, when I moved there, was the thievingest, back stabbing, sorry, crooked, lazy conniving bunch of snakes I've ever had the pleasure to work with.  There were a few good agents.  Out of about 18, I think maybe 3 or 4 weren't a total waste or major thief.

The fact that I remain stunned indicates that I remain a bit naive.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Thanks for the Subsidies

Kind of like thanks for the memories.  Except I don't much like my memories.

I just tend to think that rather than demand that America cover my healthcare and pittance of a pension (social security), I feel it more appropriate to thank those who pay for this.  If the world weren't insane, none of this would be as it is.

People are mean and crazy and mostly not given to logic and reason, with no internal    checks and balances on greed and jealousy.

So we run around the block to cure diseases, funding the middleman charity which has a vested interest in the disease being perpetually treated, not cured.

Things slowly move along when it comes to personal freedom, disease cure or more effective treatment. They do progress though, in spite of all.  Eventually.

I do not want life to be brutal.  My choices and defects have made me vulnerable to such things.  And the odd illness just about guarantees trouble if I don't take certain measures.  But none of that is anyone else's fault.  I can't in good conscience go scream and yell at rich people to "pay their fair share".  I am sure they pay plenty.  Many hire people and they pay, too.  I pay.  But I take, too.

It was the law.  Now, I don't know but I have already been domesticated.  So throwing me into the world to fend for myself is probably going to be more unpleasant for me than if you keep me on the dole.

But I wouldn't blame you.  I'd figure something out.  Or else I wouldn't.  60-40 in favor of would.

I think maybe the whole thing is a game.  Not sure.  Either it is an elaborate plan to enact a clandestine form of euthanasia, or else it is just another opportunity, like ACA1, to reward certain entities in a bill so convoluted, only the beneficiaries know for sure.  Maybe different cronies this time.  And people will be freaking that they will lose what they have.  I suspect some last minute trickery so that little changes.  What I have heard seems bizarre.  Another "savings account"?  Like social security?  Best kill off the boomers for that to be useful.

What a racket.  And what a shame that people are all being ugly.  Don't bite the hands that feeds you. And don't be screwing with the kitchen help--or no telling what you'll get fed.
That's reality.  It doesn't mean it is all morally right.  It really is not. Moral corruption is what has caused the world to be poor and miserable, for the most part.  If that needs explaining, just forget I ever said it.

So, anyway.  I am skeptical of the sustainability, and ultimate quality and availability of healthcare under proposed system or the present one.  However I am ever in your debt for what subsidies you've provided. Unfortunately, I think insurance is still way ahead of the game, and your subsidies may be pure profit to them.  That's a twist.  Couldn't afford it without you, yet even with a rare disease, I am paying as much as I am using, and you are just paying.

True, though, all that could change instantly if I progressed to other med.  Then you be paying like 100k a year for stuff that seems like it ought be a bit cheaper. Who knows. FDA probably accounts for a lot of that.  Some of this stuff has minor side effects. Or few people suffer those.  At least up to a point.  Right now, your forced subsidies to me provide some vague peace of mind in case it goes south. But I suspect they will try to mouse me if it gets expensive.

The sicker you are, the more games they play trying to not pay up or cover the logical treatments/medications.   You get too fatigued to navigate the mess and play advocate for yourself.  So you die, is what I think they count on.  Otherwise why deny the obvious and typical treatments?

It happens.

Thanks.  Love and kisses.  Keep it up.  I will endeavor to make you proud.  Especially those of you who did not yell or throw bottles at horses while stopping traffic.

Monday, March 13, 2017

I Haven't A Clue, and Maybe I'm Not Alone

Flash back awhile; Nancy said, "We have to pass it to see what is in it!", or words to that effect.  So, by hook or by crook they passed the Affordable healthcare act.  Obamacare.  I still do not know what was in the bill.  Not really.

I knew I had to have insurance by a certain time or I'd be banished to the desert.  So, my friend the broker finagled some high subsidized deal that allowed me choice.  The part we faked is saying I made slightly more than I did.  If you were poorer, they forbade you from paying the extra for a plan with enough choice and freedom that you don't die waiting for competent dx.

So, that was lucky.  Because I had gone out of pocket before the insurance time, and that may be considered proof of pre-existing condition, I guess I benefitted from the law.  I honestly do not know.

But now, the repeal and replace bit seems potentially problematic and not well considered.  Or well considered but unaffected by collateral damage.  Calculated collateral damage.

It could be just me, I don't avail myself of the news much lately.  But I haven't heard much description of specifically is wrong with what is there now, and what specifically is replacing it.  And why.  I haven't heard a lot of what do you do when you already encouraged the dependence of some on whatever care options.  Some of those people are not going to do well if there is sudden change.'

People forget that disabled people and people in pain do not find it easy to do all the admin work it takes to survive broke and in need of medical goods and services.  So changing it and requiring new hoops to jump may be a waste.  I am not much of a fan of this system but that is pretty much how it will go.  Now to find ways to limit decision powers of the official decision makers over medical activities.

I often think it is all a play.  I've never been fond of the democratic party.  Not at all.  But, in modern times,  the republicans go out of their way to be complete caricatures of weirdos, I think, in effort to make the dems look sane.

I was unable to really read the obamacare bill, though I skimmed it.  Convoluted and went on for thousands of pages. Just the outline is nuts.  It takes a robot to read it.  Pelosi bluffed.  They passed it--we don't really know what's in it.

And this new one, no idea, really.  I hear people panicked and people saying it will do this or that.  They always do that with bills.  They claim effects but not specifics of how.  It'll do all these things...

So even if they pass it, all I will know is if I am one who gets the rug pulled out from under.   I can accept it if I am.  America is paying.  But I would rather not see it happen to some other people I know who may not be so fatalistic.

I have a feeling that any bill passed would be pretty much what we have now.  I find the whole thing hotly discussed but very poorly articulated; the whole thing about what is wrong, what they plan to do, and how will it then be better.  And is it within the power of the fed gov in the first place?

Oh well.  I have no idea what is what.  Too many people are actually hostile, emotionally invested, and convinced they are doomed.  The last point makes addressing the previous ones impossible.   But Unless I am sure, I can't try to convince anyone that they aren't doomed.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

A Confederacy of Conspiracy? Or Else...

When I step back, and try my best to look at things without my usual, natural bias regarding certain cultures, which I find obnoxious, annoying, or repulsive, and while suspending my usual disdain of centralized authority and government organizations which give power to people like those in administration at S Miami Jr High, many years ago, it tends to pique my skepticism of current news information and governmental activity rather than relieve it.  It is very hard to suspend resentment and dislike for the Mr. Bobo people of the world and of government.  He is the one who informed me and my mother that I was tone deaf at age twelve.  Jerk.  Public school.  Conformist camp.  Idiots reign supreme.
I had no idea what he was asking and told him so.

Just part of my glitch, but no one got it.  He was so unbelievably wrong.  Public schools.  We are supposed to believe they are healthy swell outfits.  I'd say the system is highly flawed.  Just look at the windowless new schools they put up. Huge institutions that look and behave like prisons.  Usually too large to operate well.  Criminal how it works.  And now cops all over the place.  That should not be the norm in schools.

Turns out I am far from tone deaf.  But that is a very good example of how self important academics and people in power can promote lies and get by with it due to their credentials.  "Scientists say!..blablabla"  Who are these scientists?

Once upon a time all the cool stuff mostly came out of Bell Labs.  Now anyone titled "scientist"  is on a government payroll doing whatever keeps the money coming.  In the world of government funding, that means not stepping on the wrong toes, and often is of no value to anyone.

That is all well and good.

My questioning of the entire big picture stuff troubles me.  That is because it makes no sense.   I still think republicans play foil for democrats and couldn't survive without them.  They pretend to be the resistance.  But then they get all gung ho about laws that serve no real benefit as if that is the most pressing problem there is.

I hate to say it, but if you aren't my wife, and I don't know you, I do not care if you carry your babies to term.  If anyone is really honest, you know damned well you wish some of the aberrant wacko, violent, ignorant people around would fail to multiply.  And no way are you happy to see them preggers.  In any case, it is not a crisis.  The crisis is trying populate the earth with incompetent idiots who can't take care of anyone or any thing.

Again, that is beside the point.  It is a case in which the pretend resistance--not neo progressive BS resistance movement, but the pretend republican resistance to the Left's totalitarian dreams--goes off on a tangent so that the bipartisan stage play, cronyism and graft can go on without any real trouble.  A decoy cause that people fall for. Because they cannot figure out what government ought to do.

My trouble is that I find heavy duty religious ritual to be abhorrent, particularly islamic craziness, and I have no doubt that we have aided terrorists abroad or created fertile ground for trouble.  No idea why.  I have never approved of our mideast strategy, but perhaps I am too stupid to appreciate it.  What I am not too stupid to do is to think how someone could wreak havoc on a budget, if they really wanted to do that.
In reality, about 75% of personnel at border patrol are Mexican descent.  The ones I have seen at interior checkpoints.   

But it is not happening.  Airport security, border patrol agents a hundred miles from the border, the homeland security nonsense, none of this would stop the easy things I know one could do.  I will not describe these things because it does no good to put things out there.  Someone might do it.

My question is whether the threat is misrepresented; why, and how.  I only wonder because if they are as nimble, numerous, and determined as represented, why have there not been worse disasters?
It is a strange thing.  My only conclusion is that these people are not as suicidal as it seems.  They just draft the fools and mentally challenged for that.  Maybe.  It is puzzling.  Maybe they figure if the push it too much people would say hell with it and raze mosques in the US or something.

In any case, I do not think the truth is anywhere near the surface.  And I am not sure where it is.  I watch people bury themselves in all the progressive talking points on facebook.  No way they can be promoting all that and doing any double checking.  But when it is mentioned, they freak out and throw another bushel of half truths at you.

 It will wear you down if you actually go for reason.   I think it is because people are driven to feel like part of a dedicated crowd, and they are too lazy to really look at the holes in the stories and the slant, and too motivated to be embraced by their peer group to go against the grain.  Cowards in a sense.  They know they haven't any really reliable info, quite often, but it feels good for their image and alleged viewpoint so they ride along.

What has happened is that we have accepted a system in which we have to trust all to proper authorities.  We give up rights, are asked for our papers or why we are driving down the street.  I cannot drive to Texas or AZ or back into CA without checkpoint stops by border patrol asking me where I am going and why, if I am a citizen, etc.  And some of these are many miles from the border, and on roads that never ever cross a national border.  It is nuts.  So, to those agents, NO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.  (what You call service--I call it legal bullying and worse)
In the military, your oath is to protect the constitution.  I imagine that word is forbidden to these "public servants" and those with homeland security.  You think even half know what the 4th amendment is?  Of course, elected officials are equally disinterested in the rights and freedoms of others.  This is life by government approval.  And there are many Mr Bobo types in positions to approve or deny.  

If anyone really wants to make trouble they can.  Gangs and violent criminals in the US are a bigger problem,  Our solution---harass normal citizens who mind their own business and want to exercise a bit of freedom, while hurting no one.  So they have put a damper on the bulk of the population, doing nada to eradicate the obvious problems.  It is absolutely bizarre ad makes one wonder WTF?

I think we have been elaborately duped in so many ways.  It is nuts.  Ever wonder what our objective really is in most of the places where we consume bullets and bombs?  I believe the bullet sales people are quite pleased with the endless gravy train.  Comes down to people love to make other people do what they want and money.  But don't underestimate that vicarious power greed.  Those are the ones who say, "If you got nothing to hide, then nothing to worry about".  Life by permission, and those idiots imagine themsleves as part of the judgement and approval process. Pricks

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Feb 28 Was Rare Disease Day

Nothing says parrtayy! like a day devoted to rare diseases, I always say.

Here's how I know.  A message, wrapped around a rock thrown at my window.  It missed and bounced off the cottage shingles.

Dear John0   
Today is Rare Disease Day! We know from speaking to people around the world that Myeloproliferative Neoplasms (MPNs) touch so many more lives than we realize. Many people are only a few degrees of separation from someone living with PV, ET and MF, but don't know it. 

They go on talking for awhile.  No idea what they said but I believe they end with a pitch for donations; worthy cause, save lives, blablablablabla.

Something about how charities and public education do things, and the way they use the language that grates on me.  Greatly.

So run around a rare block and let all your friends see you running around the block in your effort to cure MPNs and all other cancer and poverty and whatnot.  It will surely do the trick.

In my case, I often think I am getting better, and often think it could go south at any moment.   I find myself becoming grouchy and frustrated.  In no mood to hear about politics too much.  Especially don't want to hear how someone has to be an awful person to support politics you hate, etc.

I understand your reasoning but you are wrong.  It is because you do not realize that your wayward ex-friend does not agree to the premises upon which you base your argument.   You aren't a thief if you support more taxes, unless you hold to the premise that money taken by force by government (taxes) constitutes armed robbery.

See?  It's like saying that anyone who could support a white supremacist, misogynist ( i want equal time for misandrists), racist president is no friend of mine. Awful, deplorable, despicable you.

The problem is that most of those supporting your nightmare politician do not agree to the charges leveled, above.  But if it is said over and over in all your talking points, and the machinations of those controlling the conversation and trying to mold your opinion, you can forget to consider that perhaps your lost friends disagree with all that list of adjectives attached to your representative.

I notice that a lot of this is out there, where the dubious premises are stated like agreed upon facts.  Like "settled science" to use another political propaganda tool and a nonsensical statement.

Rare Disease Day 2017 MPN Researcher Spotlight — Dr. Robert Kralovics from MPN Research on Vimeo.
As long as both sides look out the window and say things like, "Oh my God, it is hotter than ever; proof that the earth is heating up like crazy and it is cause by humans", or "Look at all that snow!  More than ever.  Show me your global warming now!", we are doomed.

Can't help but think of the antics of government when the term "rare disease" is mentioned.

No matter whether you consider the climate to have been radically changed by man or not, that is not how it works.  Also, if you think any trend in your lifetime is significant enough to make a judgement about future climate, or even present, you have an inflated view of your place and time.

The old climate argument is a brilliant and probably evil, PR coup.  The real argument is not scientific, it is political.  What is presented as the whole picture ignores the fact that one can agree with the hockey stick graph, or any other thing like that, but not agree with a political solution in the form of taxes and nefarious global shenanigans.

By vaguely associating the anti government approach with holocaust deniers is a nice touch,  And, like they are doing with the current president's supporters, they are advocating suspension of your rights to be heard, and a sick legal license to behave in a hateful manner toward their foes.  That is the way of organized mobs.

And the Left has made the bold move to become one big hate filled mob, beating people up in the name of love and humanity.  I honestly am not sure what is up with the Right, except they are sick of the behavior of the left.

But all these racist, xenophobic, blablabla descriptions have zero to do with how this election came out or how people view themselves and their motives for rejecting the Clinton/Obama era Left.

Never has it been clearer that both parties are scammers, and both put on a play that people seem to believe is real.  It becomes real whenever you have mobs about.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Inflammatory Opinion Re Pope, Religion and WTF

Let's all breathe easy.  The Papa, he say there is no such thing as Islamic terrorism.  Nothing to lose your head over, that's for sure.

I could never be Catholic I guess.  Francis is not the first Pope I found to be obnoxious and, in my biased view, a phony busy body.  Like first spouses, I have long felt that holy men, and/or women, ought to butt out of politics.  Especially politics in places where you do not live, vote or possess citizenship.

First spouses ought to just be seen rarely and heard almost never.  I have never voted for the first lady.  They are just accessories, there to make the candidate look stable and family friendly.

Back to the Pope.  Why do I know what he thinks about Islamic terrorism, or anything else?  I don't know.  We are still in feudal times; kings, priests and thieves all band together to bully the people.

Here's another one; I think mother Theresa was a lunatic and not at all a saint.   Shoot me.  You put the Pope into politics and I will offer my views, too.   Probably I could get the Donald to back me up on MT's lunacy and lack of saintly deserts.

Sorry.  That is what it has come to.  I no longer think the Pope speaks for God or anyone else with any sense.

This brings me to award shows.  Can you name a more nonsensical bit of manipulation?   OK, you probably can, but the Academy Awards show is up there.   It is a show about people in a business awarding themselves for their splendid efforts while promoting themselves and their industry, shamelessly, as some sort of super human force for good.  Just ask them--they are they world's shining beacon of hope.

The Oscars are so important that news about how it will be conducted is considered news..  News about how various professional pretenders will use their moment in the spotlight to babble about politics is apparently important and noteworthy.

The only people who rival performing arts for telling us how much we need them and how great they are would be public school teachers and administrators.  The stuff they put on facebook about their greatness is nauseating. And a lie if you were on the receiving end of their unfair bias and ignorance.

Anyway. If the Pope says it, it must be true. No islamic terror  Someone made it all up.   He's no more credible than your garden variety snake handler.

As far as happenings in DC go, I think it is business as usual, but someone pulled back the curtain.  Lots of people liked the pretend version better.  I did not.  Although I am not too keen on this version either.  I just love the instant hypocrisy it brings out; so obvious yet they try to pretend that away too.

I think Trump would have made a better pope.  You can be bat sh** crazy and people think you are wonderful. Crazy enough and you may make saint.


Moving from Effect to Cause: a birthday miracle?

Southern California has been experiencing more rain than usual.  Any rain is more than usual, but this rain is once again the storm of the century.  We've had several since I moved out here.  Storms like no other. At least since the last one.

The number one symptom that sent me to doctors and medical wonderland was triggered by rain, moisture, high humidity, especially when combined with any physical exertion.  That was the one they call pruritus.  Fancy word for itch. But to me it is a little different than normal itch.  It is like ants running around biting.  It moves erratically at lightning speed.

The important thing is that dodging the pruritus attacks controlled my life to a great extent.  It is even more a symptom of the next stage of MPN disease than what they labeled me.  What is interesting is how that symptom has faded away, more and more over the last year or six months.

It is really remarkable, and not what I tend to read about on forums.  There are a couple of useful ones that come in email; one for the aquagenic pruritus--itch generated from water, moisture, perspiration, etc., and one which deals with all myeloproliferative neoplasms. (MPN in the lingo).  The latter is more comprehensive and focussed.

The one dealing only with the itch is a much looser forum. People with no known or detectable blood disorder get this, and I think it is a symptom of other things, too.  Some people have it forever.  Some take themselves out; fashion their own cement shoes.

My ability to function better than I could one or two years ago is encouraging.  It makes one think the progression of the disease is going the way they usually do not go.  It is regressing, maybe.  That would be swell O

Which of the measures I have taken are responsible for this health coup?  That is what I don't know.  I have employed some orthodox, and some unorthodox measures.  But I had been taking the hydrea for awhile before I made it a point to get regular input of cbd oil.  It is not cheap, but I do think it is beneficial and has helped. I could be wrong.  But my personal tests indicate I may be correct to credit cbd with this better quality of life.  One that that being in CA makes a bit easier.

I'm not sure what is responsible fior the near disappearance of that symptom.   It is quite an uncomfortable thing. The degree of limitation on my life was many times higher in the past couple of years.  If I really am improving, it is quite a deal.

Then again, I told you so.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Remembering The LA "we clean your toilets" Mayor; while contemplating privilege

So, there I was, cleaning toilets at a resort home owned by a black billionaire and often used by black and white, alike.  I think someone should ask why Latinos (stupid word, I think, but there you have it) are not better represented among the guests who visit this home.  As I worked I recall the ex LA mayor screaming, "We clean your toilets!", in efforts to justify illegal immigrant labor.

Has anyone yet figured out that an immigrant, and and illegal immigrant are two different animals?  It does not sound that way from the rhetoric around various protests and general nonsensical victim babble going on.  That does not change the hardships many good people endure etc.  But ignoring the distinction is dishonest, naive, and clearly a ploy to get some desired nefarious outcome--like an easily manipulated voting bloc, and fuel to ensure your related government agencies get continued funding.

Anyway, I thought, "No, Senor Villagrosomierdeman, (or however you spell your changed name to sound more Mexican), I clean Your toilets, you ingrate and bigot!!

You have no idea how effective the usual propaganda can be.  They have California Mexicans, and a huge percentage of Black Americans believing that White people are born to luxury, great treatment by authorities of all kinds, and a healthy bank account.  They are wrong.  Probably my privilege showing.

So, I was thinking, I bet the mayor never cleaned anything for anyone.  So shut up.  Why is my privilege failing me?   I do menial tasks for the downtrodden (if we see everything through the lens of race and ethnicity) and hope they are pleased and don't fire me or thoughtlessly create hardship through their lack of consideration and tendency to create messes, break things and hide the evidence, etc.  By "they", I mean the various guests, in general, no specific group.  The classic was when someone knocked the shutters to pieces with a basketball in a guest room, and never said a word.  They even left the ball in there on the floor.  Poor downtrodden souls.

That I would even notice such things screams PRIVILEGE like crazy.

Here's the other side of it.  The Black employer pays better than any White folks I know.  And it is a good gig in the realm of part time, flexible jobs.  No benefits, though.  Of course it was a white lady that hired me when she was overseeing the place.  Before I had a chance to try to replace her when she left, a guy from the main Chicago office of the owner had it locked up.  And now we have him down here.  Also white, and privileged.  And possibly mentally or intellectually challenged.

It comes in waves, but I often wonder if he is serious or just testing.  I fear he's serious.  A sincere actor in the theater of the absurd.  Often it just defies words and logic what he does or does not do.  I am convinced he has no clue what I and my co-worker do.

I'd explain but I don't even know how to start. Strange.  Nice people though, even if crazy and challenged. But do not put the mentally challenged ones in charge of cerebrally dependent agendas.  The trick is do not ask if you should do this or that.  Invariably he nixes what ought to be done then wants a two week project done in half a day.  Concepts like it takes time for paint to dry do not compute.  "can't more people make it go quicker?'  Not always.

Such nonsense is promoted so people will support those who want your resources and control of your labor.  And it works.  Who can resist being a victim?   We are the ones who clean your toilets!!

Seriously, cleaning a toilet in a fancy mansion is not that bad at all.  Especially if the pay is right.  Two days work plus a little and rent is paid.  OK.  But we both know I should be the one with the major bucks and great company paying others to do stuff.  But I am not, and this is OK.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Study Shows: public intellectually and in deed imitate famous comics

Therefore, comedians should be approved by appropriate committees.  Like FDA but for comedian kings. Or not.

I am so used to people being lost before the title is up.   The political feel of everything lately is driving me nuts.  And it is all self righteous abuse.

My reasons for pulling for the Pats was apolitical= not political, for the rabid who may have missed that point.  Then I see some clip of Bill Maher playing all holy by not being for New England because of times when those people associated with Trump.  All funny.  This new black list is nuts.

You want to fix the world?
Fix these things; average stupidity, petty greed--whether for money, attention, power, and fix the rampant and contagious condition of being incapable of critical thinking.  I'm serious.

People who are addicted to self righteous anger and outrage will probably never let the rest of us get any sleep, if they have their way.  

And people get hooked on hating someone famous.  The other party supplies that.  So do sports figures.

It reflects well on Tom that various teammates seemed somewhat motivated by what it  meant to him. And said so.

Bill is such a sleaze.  He just smeared and stereotyped people based upon their super bowl pick.  A certain type of progressivism really is a mental disease.  No fear of a monopoly there.   The implication of ridicule, and not being cool if you don't do like Bill., are enough that 90% seek the peer approval.  The kind of bandwagon shunning they are orchestrating is a bit unnerving.

When people go to comics for their in depth political research, and for what to think, we may be in trouble.  That's the conscientious people. The others got no idea what we/re talking about.

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