Thursday, February 5, 2015

I'm But a Childish Miami Redneck

Not sayin' that's a bad thing.  However, I am not sayin' it's a good thing neither.

It was a blast at the conference with the army of skin specialists.  Some new faces this time.  The thing that blows me away is the willingness of the guy from Coronado to oversee my path to quick and reasonable trouble shooting and resolution.  He arranged for me to again do the conference thing because he's so booked up and he can do it for free and have several others weigh in.  It was an act of kindness, trust me.

Ha!!! I don't even know for sure who you are, yet I encourage you to trust me.  That ought to raise a red flag.  Anytime the "trust me" thing gets thrown out there, when it doesn't stand scrutiny, one should move with extreme caution.

But trust me anyway, this time.

He had a whole plan of action and how to get competent and cooperative vampires on board.  I think we can have everything narrowed down by April, if I can be sane and patient.  I yelled at the smarmy stranger on the phone yesterday, but I actually think this is going to work out better.

I stopped in where people were playing music at a coffee house, but only stayed for awhile.  Kind of a way station between derma conference and home.

I'm going to send the arrogant doc's office staff a note apologizing for inappropriate language, even though the victim of my wrath has the PR skills of a porcupine.  Maybe.  It was irresponsible of them to know they were on the list yet they did not remove themselves, which one can do.

They have every right to refuse whatever form of payment doesn't suit them.  I don't blame them.  There are too many hoops to jump through, sometimes.  It is not always worth it.  They've taken the fun out of playing doctor.  I can't condone that at all.

I too often forget how well people treat me when it matters.  Back to a goof plan and people to help see it get done.  Fortunate twist of fate.

I think our last practice, last night, had some of the best moments we've had, gigs included.  It was much better, I thought.  It was nice to listen to everyone else while it seemed I was just hearing myself play, like hearing one of them.   Whatever the deal, our sound was the best ever, as were the dynamics and nature of the parts.  That is fun to do and a nice escape sometimes. Most times.

I'm not even going to comment on national events aka government follies.  WTF nation.

Arrogant Bastards

Long before the government began dancing with the insurance companies and lawyers to totally screw up and add cost to the medical industry's activities, doctors were trying to place themselves above all others in the minds of innocent people.  Serious ego issues rivaling even those of fighter pilots.  And those are some hefty egos.

So, now in the time of bureaucratic madness, all for our own good, we still encounter the arrogant unhelpful attitudes.

One of the most key people I need to see neglected to remove himself from the list of doctors covered under my insurance.  Last update was Jan. 28, and I am sure I called when I got this stupid insurance, removing me from the ranks of insurance outlaws.  They are on it.

So now we've done all this other stuff and need this specialist, or someone like him, in the loop.  I paid cash the first appointment and felt like the guy thought I was just trivial riffraff, lucky to not be beheaded for having the nerve to seek audience with his highness.  I left there with absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do next.  Other doctors were less guarded regarding a plan of action.

When you feel you have nothing to lose, and you are tired, and a little tense due to your body going to hell in a handbasket, one's patience can run less than thin.  I realize that I am more than capable of losing my temper and shouting at the smarmy office dude on the phone.

First they call to confirm the appointment.  Then they call later to ask about insurance, a conversation I once had weeks ago. The smarmy guy is so cheerful telling me they won't take my insurance, offering no alternatives or anything.

His lack of empathy must have tripped the trigger.  I was in disbelief.  My insurance lady and I purposely set me up on this plan because this jerk was listed.   Son of a bitch!!

You won't like my response:  ""Geesuss F****ing Keereyeste, what in f***ing hell am I expected to do with this?"  etc.  I hung up. Then called back and cancelled.
I'm screwed.  I do not seem to get on well with one of the best hematology /oncology outfits in the county. I'm angry and I'm not thinking all thins is getting better.

I am about to say screw it and just go plow through my savings, hang gliding and maybe learning to base jump, hoping to die before I'm 100% flat broke.  Trouble is I could be flat broke rather quickly.  But I am so f'ing angry I don't care about the rational thing, or even the right thing.  I hate arrogant pricks like are found in medicine, government, and anywhere they can mess with your life.  They are no smarter than I am or than many other people are.  This I know, and can prove it need be.

But I was depending on him./  So that makes it my fault.

Right now, despite my loving, cuddly exterior, I hate everyone and everything.

Oh well.  The dermatologists want to have another conference with me at center since all that aspect is changing and acting differently than before.  

I do not blame anyone for not taking any sort of insurance they don't like.  They could just say they don't want to do business with me. Fine.  But I was mislead and then treated as a totally unimportant useless waste of life.  I may think it, but I'll kick your ass if you want to treat me that way.

I feel like doing something radical like get rid of almost all but clothes on my back and car, leave this place and go-I do not know where--just go until I stop.  Middle of nowhere, somewhere in the west, I guess.  Or maybe fly to some Caribbean island. Get a little boat, sail around and finally sink.  My legacy will be an irrational F*** You to no one in particular, and everyone and everything in general.

Goddam idiot human race really blew it by letting officialdom evolve the way it has.  Government, authority loving fools.  I'm in the wrong place, wrong time, maybe wrong species.  I blew it.


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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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