Sunday, June 30, 2013

Another Idea

If we take the word "lonely" out of the dictionary, then there is no way I can be that.  A lone wolf howlin at the moon.  A romantic notion which is no fun at all.  Highly over rated.

I guess it beats being shacked up with a power hungry psychopath, or pathological liar, or whatsername. Or someone who likes what she thinks I ought to be, or could be, but not so much who I am.

So Hot

Man, I'm sweating like a creepy ass cracka on trial for self defense.   East county is a good 20 deg.F warmer than Pt. Loma on the bay, and the ocean.  And they are most likely freaking out because it is hitting 80.

Speaking of creepy ass crackas, what is that all about?   There are far more definitively racial murders which barely see a minute's time in the media.  The most egregious of these with which I'm familiar unfortunately involve the creepy ass crackas being raped, dismembered, tortured and killed by Blacks.  Even then, I say forget the hate crime, just enforce the laws against the crime. period.

But quit pretending.  And quit appeasing by setting up a de facto double standard which everyone pretends is not there.  That is not the way to mutual and universal respect.  

I can always tell when Mexican related BS is in the political discourse.  People who work at the resort or for landscape, etc. give me the evil eye because I do the work they won't do.  Or, in some cases, the work they think is reserved only for people from their tribe.  I just don't look all that Mexican.  And I don't look undocumented or like I'm a dreamer--whatever that means.

It's a chip on the shoulder thing.  Once they know me they have a hard time being quite so angry at me, but I can see that some of them try.

Maybe those who tell me most people are not very bright are correct.  I doubt I'd like Zimmerman very well, but it seems obvious that the only reason he's in this circus is because Al, Jesse, and others who jump on any trumped up racial bandwagon threatened riots.  It is not a good thing.  At this point it has little to do with reality, only how to pacify extortionists.

  I wasn't there.  Neither were the race professionals.  I don't think they realized George was genetically all kinds of races, with even some African blood, when they first got the lynch mob rolling.  If you haven't lived down there or in cities which include a majority of people that see nothing but race, then you probably buy all the pap you hear, and think anyone who calls them on it is a racist.

The answer is not appeasement and it is not to put more people in prison.  The answer is to make laws apply evenly, be sparing in the writing of those laws, and base it on truth.  We do not have equal enforcement or treatment under our laws.  Depending on the laws, you can be targeted if you are Black, or targeted if White or any other irrelevant factor based on tribe and politically correct non-sense.

And in conclusion, I think that is why we, as Americans, are experiencing a big heat wave, and why I'm sure that it is all the fault of technology.  and creepy ass crackas.

Damned, that phrase just brought images of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Lindsay Graham and some others to my mind.  Got to admit it, there are some creepy ass crackas around.  I do not know how to similarly label creepy ass ??? like Sharpton, Jackson, those guys I stood off pretending a harmonica was a gun in Greensboro,  Louis Farrakhan, etc.  If you be creepy enough, you are probably rich and sucking tax money or extorting normal people through non-universal laws--laws that aim to favor one group over another, explicitly.

The heat wears me down mentally.  I'm liable to just turn myself in to some law agency I despise and tell them I'm about to lose it, and that I'd consider suicide by cop,  except I really do have such a low opinion of the police structure and the vast majority of its employees that I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction.   Really, one huge drawback to suicide by cop is that too many of them might enjoy it, provided they didn't get too hassled in the investigation.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Trudging On In Spite of Anti-Me: Coping Method

This new me phase really is a new ball game.  Although I can feel as blue as night, I am less overwhelmed by things that most people don't find so daunting.  Even when in the doldrums, like lately, I've continued to find projects and do work.

In the midst of doing these things, my mind is occupied with trying to work out better solutions or just getting it done.  The big difference is that I'm not stuck in so much second guessing that it takes me forever to start the task, whatever it may be.

The inexplicable barrier which causes me to almost fear getting started has plagued me for eons.  It could often be a case of over analyzing some simple thing forever.  I'm not sure.  Maybe I worry I don't know what I'm doing, it won't be good enough, or I imagine the task and lose sight of where and how to start and keep going.  Whatever it is, I'm not as much affected by it these days.

Part of it is that I'm doing things that I know the landlord would like to see done.  When all else fails, do something for someone else that neither demands nor expects it.  They are out of town, so having the goal of doing certain things before their return helps.

Then I am able to transfer that ambition, every now and then, to things I know I should want done for myself.  When it comes to my stuff, I do not have the same emotion and drive.  The transfer of momentum works for awhile.  Even though my own matters seem numbing and evoke no passion, switching into that lane while I'm on a roll results in a little progress.

All that may sound silly, but I think it is good to know in case a person has similar glitches and built in barriers to making the most of the ability and resources at hand.  How do you know you are intelligent if you don't use it to any obviously constructive purpose?  So, I put little weight on raw intellect.  It pays not to be dumb as a rock, which some people are.  No intelligence can be mitigated by a good heart, I guess.  Wasted intellect is just a waste, and not a very uplifting condition.

The important thing is probably a combination of process and end product.  Ends rarely justify means.  If the means aren't honorable, that is no good.  If the means involve force against the innocent, no good.  That is why I am opposed to big protests which stop traffic and damage property.  You have no right to impede the mobility of strangers just because you have a cause.

Anyway, there is a lot to be said for enjoying the process whatever the ends.

So, work, both that which pays and that which is done because it needs doing, is a good key to not letting the blues negatively impact your efforts to live.  There is satisfaction in seeing a job completed well, even if it is a small job.  Plus it slides you through time so you don't cuss yourself all day for being you.
Think I'll go play at Lestats on Monday.  I played that once with the Orange Pickers.  This time a friend said he was going with a lady named M**** and that she would like "talented backup".  I found her on his facebook friends list.  I don't think I've ever heard her.  From photos of her on her page I can safely say I'm on board.  What a knock out.  Heck yea I'll back you up.  Is that shallow?

I find that I have no prejudice against pretty people.   I like it that some people are highly attractive.  Some people aren't so attractive and I do not hold that against them.  There are some relatively homely women who become plenty attractive once you get to know them.  But I wouldn't discriminate against beautiful just in case it makes less beautiful feel bad.   When beautiful is not nice or really dull then the looks aren't enough.

That's the way it is; how we've evolved.  I feel I have to give a big explanation and an implied apology for saying someone is stunning to look at.  It does not please me that I've been so conditioned that I'd do such a thing.

This one is probably way too young and not into whatever I am.  I still have some sense.  I talk a big game but rarely act on it, and almost never in a premeditated manner.

What a world. Only one I know.

When it comes down to it, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I vs I

There are times when I'm so blue, I don't know what to do.

But the new me is still alive.  Things get done on a more regular basis and in a more timely fashion.

But there is that Anti-Me that still thrives inside.  That's the one that often gets hold of moods and says, "You got nothing going on, and there is no happy or sad, just the exhausting state of being.  I have an idea!  Why not take a lethal dose of some pleasant opiate and drive off the edge of the Grand Canyon?"

I guess it is like matter and anti-matter.  Or something.

I know that anti-me mostly tells lies, and there are people who would get very angry at its general assessment of me and my life.  It is probably because of how I feel about those people that I continually make the effort to ignore the harsh inner critic and go through the motions of doing something constructive, like sanding things.  I can do mindless work while having a running battle between myself and anti-me.

You're a loser.
So?  You're annoying.
Wonder if you have any fun or pain when you're dead.
I think life is supposed to be both those things.
If you were good enough at it to even know.  You are the lousiest at living life of everyone in your family for maybe six generations.  Or more.
Maybe I'd be better at it if you weren't part of me.  I hate Anti-Me.
Too bad, because I'm never going away.  And I only have one mission--destroy you in any way I can.
You suck.

I don't think throwing out a word like "racist" works when the dispute is in my mind between me and anti-me.

It isn't two personalities.  But it is a battle which involves somehow distorting the truth, or hiding it from myself.  Lots of people do that--lie to themselves and believe the lies.

Could be worse.  I could be someone who is really evil and a waste,  like those irs people, or Harry Reid.

The hell of it is, it is not like I can control how that internal destructor entity makes me feel.  Physically and to a large degree, mentally.  I just tell myself, "OK, you feel like you are trying to walk through quick sand.  You aren't.  Just try to do whatever it is at hand without injuring yourself or others."  Then I drive off or do whatever it is even though I feel like my head has been injected with cotton balls and wet socks.

Eventually it passes.  Unfortunately, so do the times when I experience moments of freedom from that constant weight.  Actually the best temporary fix is some sort of stimulant like amphetamines.  But it is no good long term, so I don't bother.  Besides my primary care physician is a retired veterinarian and they don't prescribe things like that.

No matter what, the organizing gains will not be reversed.  I will not backslide.  It is actually my deep, yet misunderstood, love for friends and family that prevents me from following a path of certain, imminent doom.

People don't get why I don't throw out I love you every ten seconds.  It probably means more to me than to them, but they don't believe that.  Guess that means I have great affection for some true dimwits.

Actions.  I've heard plenty of I love you as the soundtrack to some of my most devastating sorrows, defeats and betrayals in life.

I love you, sorry I can't pull your bleeding body out of the ditch.  Running late, you understand. See ya!  Luv yoo!  XXOO F***  Off

Save it.

An example of the odd detachment that comes with this sort of thing is how I approached dinner tonight.  I knew I should eat but couldn't say if I was hungry or not.  I considered what I had eaten and when, today.  I did eat some kind of breakfast.  I should have been very hungry hours ago.  So, I forced myself to fix something that I would fix if I were happy, hungry and on top of things.  It was good enough---everything I fix is.  But it held no enjoyment.  I can feel that my stomach is full.  I ate because that is probably what people do.  I often copy what it is people allegedly do to stay alive.  Basics, like eat, breathe, seek water.

Those things rarely feel natural.  It would be natural to eat once then have it out of the way forever.  Wash once, etc.  It feels like ritual more than necessity.  But reaon tells me these things are necessities.

And that is the blues.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Generally Speaking, out loud thinking, trust issues

Maybe I am missing something.  I'm sure the minute details of various constructs and rules elude me, and/or cause me to glaze over.  I focus more on what I consider to be principle.  Often the details beg the question of whether a particular entity has right and justification to even address the matter at hand.

I think it was Nancy Pelosi who recently stated that we need to find the balance between privacy and security, indicating that people like her would be the ones suited to decide just how intrusive the state should be.  After all, if you have done nothing wrong, why resent unwarranted surveillance, search, seizure, whatever it takes?

If you are one who buys that line, welcome to the plantation.   You may even work your way up to trustee.  You can help us prevent escapes and make sure everyone does what he is told.  And you are off my Christmas list.   Allah willing, we must draw the line somewhere.

OK, so in order to be safe and secure, we need to accept being monitored for out of the way language, calls to the wrong people, just a general documentation of such things.   Not like a full blown wire tap.  Unless it is deemed useful by whomever is authorized by the state to deem.  Trust the government that is allegedly of the people to do the right thing.

Give them power to be the custodian of your privacy.  But don't tell anyone if you discover they are spying on citizens, political friends and enemies.  Their job is to monitor the public, and no citizens have a right to monitor the activities of the state.

Bottom line; the citizenry is not to be trusted, and they must regularly prove their innocence at road blocks, by the nature of their calls not being considered out of line, and in many other ways, but any part of government, even secret courts and agencies, is to be allowed full discretion over how much they monitor the public.  Public= potential criminals who can't be trusted to conduct their own affairs without state guidance.  Government= trustworthy and always functioning ethically, honorably and with the highest regard for our well-being.

As usual, I think Nancy either has her head up her ass, or is not a person of integrity.  I suspect she has a personal motive.  In the details we find many questionable links between Nancy and what she pushes.  Usually some cronies and family in the mix.  But why go into politics if not to get rich?

 Blaming Bush won't work even though I think Bush 1 and Bush 2 are firmly in the camp of an elite ruling class with way too much involvement in the citizen's life.  And way too much involvement in the affairs of other countries.  The school of thought that America's duty is to bring democracy to the world is a crock in so many ways.

For one thing, we are not a democracy.  It's a fine point but jut plain democracy is a dangerous thing.  It subjects the individual to the whims of the majority.  Washington warned of the error of getting entangled in the affairs of other nations, particularly in the matter of involving ourselves and taking sides in their disputes.  No one is really dumb enough, who has the power, to believe that spreading democracy bunk.  But they'll say it anyway because it sounds better than singing the praises of chaos, fear, and subjugation.

It's a trip keeping abreast of some things.  It reminds me of a woman who was caught cheating, and then went on the offensive claiming the person pointing out the facts had a sick mind.  That's the show these days.  It so obviously is not working, but people are still clinging to their team the best they can.  Ignoring the obvious is tough to do forever.

Clearly, I do not trust every time they claim some intrusive measure is for national security.  Arm people, then fight them, then arm someone else and wonder why armed lunatics are haunting you, Oh yea, be sure to only arm full tilt psycho nutjobs.

Perhaps I'm a sucker for edgy soap operas.  Like the British version (original) of Shameless.  The writing of that show is phenomenal sometimes.  They have different writers, all good, but I have a couple of favorites.   I have to go back and find her name.  She wrote some episodes that were as good as anything ever.

We've got some demented writers scripting the "big picture" these days.  It makes for a roller coaster of a soap sometimes, like these times.

Current events bring to mind one phrase from a lengthier passage in a Shakespearean play. Mid Summer's Night Dream, I think/ Probably wrong.  They line ends with "...a tale told by an idiot."  That says it all.   Forget making sense of it.  Just appreciate it and enjoy life.  And women should all be easy and go for old guys who have no money.

Well W brought back the jeans I loaned her due to unusual circumstances at a party full of rednecks and psycho banshee-women a couple of weeks ago.   I have no idea why I like her, but I do a little.  I don't like how she handles a lot of things, she has more of a victim outlook on life than makes sense.

Some people think life is some sadistic master.  Life happens to you, according to that school of thought.  I think life just is, and since I'm alive I'm part of life.  Pain is not inflicted upon me by life.  True, I wouldn't feel it if I weren't alive.

It really is surprising how long it can take to come to certain realizations.  I imagine there are those, like my nephews, who achieve that kind of awareness fairly early in life.  It has taken me quite a bit more time.  But that is my nature.  Some things I'm on top of and way ahead of the game, but some things perpetually elude my understanding though they be basic and simple.


Sunday, June 23, 2013

BallisticTour's Day Off

For the first tine in awhile I hit the saturday open mic.  Cliff was there and it worked out well.  I'm still fond of the Suzuki Pro Master C harp I discovered in a recently unpacked box.  Maybe it was the one with the one black shoe and a router table.

Much of the time I don't have my eyes open so I don't see what people are doing and how they react.  I've started looking around more.  Narcissist that I am,  I kind of like it when I see people holding up their phones, video recording.  Or when they just take your picture.  I always wonder where it ends up.

Maybe some of them are domestic spies or private investigators.  They obviously are not Hollywood scouts or I'd be in a beach front mansion by now, wearing a smoking jacket and an ascot out on the veranda, smoking some sort of cigarette in a long cigarette holder.  But no.  I've heard nothing.

So, I guess those people are government spooks, messing with the enemy--people who mind their own business and don't want anything from them.

We did not play as long as I would have liked, but it felt good.  Whether I was as free and on it as it seemed is doubtful, but you never know.  PR-wise, this was probably a good thing.  Don't satiate them if they like you. Leave them wanting a little more.

It may be time to shop the studios.  A number of musicians have wondered why I haven't already done that.  Wasn't in the mood.  Am now the new me, by accident I think. Wasn't playing that well.  Lazy.

Actually, I'm reluctant to involve myself in any effort which requires dealing with overly groovy, hip people and music people in general.  Playing in settings in which there are no expectations is one thing, actually trying to work with musicians in most project oriented situations, like recording, is another.

Lately I'm more interested in other pursuits and ideas.  Of course, life and playing music are not mutually exclusive.  At least in theory.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Soooo Sorry, It'll Never Happen Again; mea culpa fad & sandpaper

The apologies aren't even entertaining any more.   Last one I heard almost sent me over the edge.

Over the edge, in this case, would entail hooking up amplifiers, cranked to 11, pointing it outside and screaming every word that is never said, but indicated by referring to it as "the [letter] word."

"F word F word F word!  N word N word N word! C word C word C word! R word R word R word!" etc., I'd scream.  And if I had the guts, I'd refuse to apologize.  If I was famous, it would be a good way to get air tine; apologize dramatically, yet unconvincingly.  The game is played such that everyone pretends to believe some and not others, and not based on anything tangible, like believability of the apology.   For now, I refuse to say I'm sorry for uttering forbidden words or thoughts.

Can't even allow myself to formulate an expression of thoughts when it comes to the ruling structure, key players, and various attitudes around the country.  Can't go there.

I do want an apology from 3M because their sandpaper, which they claim lasts 7x longer! than 'conventional' sandpaper, is a pain to remove from a sander.

It sure sticks to the unit's pad 7x longer.  Maybe 700x.  I've been using the sanding dust collected in the little bag attached to the power tool to rub on the sander pad and the back of the sandpaper.  It helps, but is no guarantee that pieces won't stick and tear off when you try to remove the paper from the sander.  3M made S-word sandpaper--Sticky.  There I said it.  The S word!

The 3m paper is fine for hand sanding, but the sticky aspect is hardly a factor, or a help like they claim.  It is a nice thickness and all that but I find it no better for hand sanding than the stuff they made when they called it Norton, and it didn't stick to the sander and make trouble.

I miss Norton, but they claimed to be only 2 or 3x longer lasting.  I think this stuff is 3.5 x and the old stuff is 3x longer lasting. 7x is a stretch, good as it is.  Must be Jack Lalanne's wife writing the copy.  "Clean up is just a snap!"  The woman is not prone to tell the truth as it appears in reality.  Nice enough juicer, that Jack Lalanne one, but clean up is no snap.

Another helpful tip: wearing a dust mask and ear plugs is something you won't regret when sanding a bunch of wooden things with a power sander.

My good reviews of Milwaukee's random orbital sander, and Rigid's finish sander still stand.  Both of these items have stood the test of many hours.  I must admit,  I have two identical finish sanders.  I bought the Rigid sanders when I was using a helper at the other place.

We'll call this place Tesla-land, since the owner owns a Tesla, and the other place should be called O-land.  Since he knows the O word person.

The way all this new behavior and organization of surroundings is affecting me, I may actually start some other enterprises to earn income which involve less boredom and labor.  I guess I don't mind labor when it isn't boring.  Mindless activity is only good in moderate to small doses. In excess, it becomes a mental torture trying to do the mindless thing without going nuts.

I've had more than my share of practice at that since I was very young.  Lately I find myself doing things, or starting things, with much less internal roadblock and hesitation than I recall experiencing maybe ever.  Certainly most of my life I have had an internal block of some kind that made it nearly impossible to function well.  It is better than it was. All of a sudden.

I feel left out not apologizing, so please call me on the carpet for using the S word so I can try my hand at thespian remorse.  I'm thinking a Shakespearean twist.  Maybe an "out, out damned spot" sort of thing. (MacBeth--the lady was pissed at her dog, Spot.)  I'll read up on Hamlet.  I think someone told him not to be a borrower or lender.  I can express my regret and remorse while hinting blame on ghosts. 


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Itinerant Work Tips and Product review

Most importantly, even though it is rather weak, and not suitable for the needy cases, Behr cleaner/brightener is being helpful when they suggest wearing rubber gloves.  If you don't, your fingers will look like they do when you've been in the water for an extended period of time.  They will look like that for a week, and will feel like leather.  Not the soft, pleasant kind.

Another tip:  If you have a big piece of sandpaper and want to tear it into quarters, fold it with the paper side out.  Crease it well, then fold it the other way.  If you do it with paper side in, it is much tougher to get the grit bed to break up so that the tear is straight.

That new stuff 3M makes that Home Depot sells is good as far as performance, but this new backing that is non-slip sticks to the pad of the sander and is hell to get off.  I think the backing is heat activated or responds to friction.  I've tried rubbing it in dust first, wiping it with alcohol, rubbing in on cement.

What possessed them to screw with their great Canadian made sandpaper is a mystery.  It is not like people don't buy the job packs with power tools in mind.  Still made in Canada by Minnesota Mining and Mystifying.  Still in the same sort of box with slightly different writing on it.  Only now it doesn't also say, NORTON, which denies me the excuse to imagine Jackie Gleason barking at his pal, Naughton! in my mind.

If it relates to a visual, one can say, "in my mind's eye...".  I've never heard that expression altered for aural applications.  "In my mind's ear...".  Maybe it works.  I used to grab the box, see the word Norton, and simultaneously Jackie Gleason would shout, Naughton!

The product does perform well.  There is a huge difference in different brands of sandpaper.  But this sticky bit has got to go.  I hardly works if you are hand sanding, which is its purpose.  But on the sander, it is clingier than clingy.

Oh.  I picked up a pack of two things called Helping Hand at CVS.  They are a plastic tool which holds a single edge razor for scraping paint and such.  When not in use you can reverse the blade so that the dull rounded back edge is exposed.  Works great.  I recommend it.  I'm glad they had a warning which warned that the blade is razor sharp.  It's a razor blade.

You Are My Sunshine

Trouble in Paradise?  Bromance hitting a bumpy patch?
P: How about we arm wrestle--winner take all!
O: Let's just go to Dublin for lunch with Bono and Michele
P:  The Russian people will make too much complaint if I do this.  Arm wrestle, they understand
O: you suck
P: oh no, you suck
O: racist

P: So, it is settled. 
You arm band of lunatics in Syria and surrounding nations we will call gang A.  We arm band of lunatics, gang B.  Sparks fly, we have some vodka and dance like Cossacks. 
O: Yes, of course.  Stay the course, I say.  Arm them, then fight them. Can I invite JayZ and Beyonce?  
P: is that an open marriage?  I will arm wrestle this Jay See for a night with the nightingale 

P: You are racist!
O: nope.  Rule is I can't be a racist.  Only people who disagree with me are, by definition, racist.
P: weenie punk.  
O; racist
P: arm wrestle to settle this!
O: whoever has the most celebrity phone numbers and emails wins.  
P: but you have everyone's numbers and emails 
O: no, those stories never happened, but I can't prove it because it is secret.
P: we arm wrestle in secret, or maybe box.  bare knuckle
O: Racist

Monday, June 17, 2013

Rules for Radicals with Respect for Rights of Others

Rule #[pick a number]  It is very low, classless and uncool to find hated opponents' addresses, then bring mobs to their residences.

 I would think that would be self evident.  That is a bully tactic.  You think because Mr/and/orMs X is evil in your book that you have the right to disturb the peace in their neighborhood, intimidate with a mob of people, frighten children and family members, maybe give an invalid next door a heart attack with your bullhorn madness?

It is wrong to go about it like that.  And nine times out of ten your group is running on half truth, give or take.  Rarely the whole truth, because there are those who love an excuse to bully and play sadist, all while loudly claiming justification, "But he/she did bla blabla".  I guess if you cannot reason and have no moral compass the next best thing is to use force, but claim it isn't.

Freedom of speech does not mean you have a right to harass people at home and annoy people for miles with your bullhorn BS.  "can you say neo bolshevik?" and the crowd repeats it.  They could say anything and the crowd will repeat it.
sunset cliffs--w. side of pt loma

Maybe I'll try that. I'll go to one of those things and be all into it, then get the little parrot chant thing going, then I'll say things like,  "[censored--too out there to even hint]".   Then again, maybe not.

Nothing is worse than being stalked by a mob.  If a individual does harasses you like that, you can get a restraining order to slow her down.  If a mob does it, it is a demonstration, etc.   Tactics like mobbing a residence contribute to my general lack of support for most unions.   That kind of statement irks a lot of people.  I just go by observation and experience.

Ah, it's like Harley Davidson shirt syndrome---people would fight to death just to defend the name from verbal abuse.  Unions are like that.  There is no room for reason, facts, or logic in the discussion unless they coincide with their usual rants and chants.

Bizarre that the justification for such harassment is the same justification that hostile stalkers use.   It is generally unacceptable in the one case but not the other.   They are lucky their opponents don't use similar tactics and aren't equally willing to make it a gang fight.

out my front door--east border of the front area/driveway. etc

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Out My Front Door

Finally replaced the molding around the front door casing.  The place is looking spiffy.

Some people wonder why a tenant would put out such effort on a place he is renting.  Here is how I look at it:
I searched for a place upon arriving here in south SoCal based upon a few specific parameters.  I wanted a free standing cottage, guest house, or similar structure.  Big apartment complexes were out, and I hoped to find something which was handled by the owner, not a management firm.  In all but one case in my vast rental history, owner operator has been a better tenant experience.
never posted the view along the right hand, east side, facing north, of the cabin. Should have done a wider view.  Just off frame to the right is a huge boulder that provides shade, and then the terrain rises with some shrubbery.

Also, by being a tenant who fixed his own problems, I received glowing recommendations from the previous owner-landlord;  "Oh, we miss having him here.".   So, if I have to hit the road, these people might say the same.  I did charge them the materials and a few dollars.  Not much, but they paid a little extra.  Still just a fraction of what even illegals--err, undocumented--workers would have charged.  And my overall work and clean up is better.  I do the jobs they won't do.  Backwards from what you hear.

OK.  So I discovered that I could find more prospective abodes on craigslist than anywhere else.  I began my search targeting the Pt Loma, Ocean Beach area.  Another condition was that I hoped to avoid a noisy hole in the wall cramped in with lots of other people everywhere.  Due to price, etc., I kept widening my search area.
those are roses of some kind wrapping the posts of the entrance.  we're top drawer here in ballisticland.

I did not find suitable places until I expanded the search pretty far east.  I was a little skeptical when I had to drive a mile up a winding, rather vertical dirt road.  But as soon as I entered the place I all but begged to rent it.  And it was the best price.  Nothing else was half as cool as this.  I fear I like it too much, but I am used to picking up and moving should they kick me out for whatever reason.

By doing things they don't have much time to do, I help them value having me here, plus I get a sense of satisfaction and am a baby step closer to luring hot chicks to ballisticMountain.  Heck, maybe even the right one will show up.  Could be that happened and I was unprepared and someone might give it another go.  Who knows.
such a deceptive front face. The place is bigger inside, and has plenty of window area--two large picture windows and a screen door in back, but I've shown the view out the back in previous posts.  Few care--this is personal therapy.

I really do good work.  They had a company spray paint the front of the door and I cleaned and sanded and painted all the white stuff plus painting the shed door blue and painting all the white stuff over there.  The molding fits like a champ.  Heck of a job, ...

I say all this because I make the effort to face and appreciate my surroundings when I'm cycling into something dark.  It doesn't fool me, but it has a lot of power over my mood and my attempts to be constructive.  I step outside myself and say what I would if I wasn't me, "Look, you idiot--I word, if you prefer--you're in exactly the circumstances you wanted.  Let go of the sadness and idea that you shouldn't exist.  Work on the things you thought could be done in such a setting."

Hoping that some great woman will "get" me is futile.  I don't get me.  One than can handle it and likes me in spite of myself and who doesn't have ultra rigid likes and dislikes to the point of dogma and hard judgement may exist.  Maybe I'll make some effort to find such a dame as my surroundings become more sociable, logical, and of use.  (can one still use the word "dame" without some sort of reprisal?)

*******JT in NC sent this, and although I wonder if such a contest really to place, I find the definition better than anything I can dream up.
There's an annual contest at the Griffith University, Australia, calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.
This year's term was "political correctness".
The winning student wrote: "Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by a mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end."

Monday, June 10, 2013

Unbelievable, and I Think He Did The Right Thing

So, the feds want to start a criminal investigation on the guy who exposed their secret criminal activity.  That's rich.

The unbelievable part is not that government agencies play favorites, harass select people and groups, or that they overstep their bounds in collecting private info on average citizens without probable cause.

What is unbelievable is that the same people who decried the stretch of such power under Bush now defend Obama, who has taken things where Bush left off and expanded the scope of such skullduggery.

I do not equate Manning and Snowden because I don't think Manning personally reviewed everything and he may have put lives at risk.  Whether Manning did the right thing or not, I don't know at this time.  Snowden, however disclosed crimes against the Constitution and the People.  Domestic spying is over the line.  Those who say you have nothing to worry about if you've done nothing wrong are either morons or they lack hindsight, life experience, or they stand to benefit.

The really crazy thing is to realize that a secret court, with secret judges, makes secret rulings on secret projects that may involve collecting the private information of citizens without their knowledge.  And there is no way to legally combat it in the courts because it is all f'ng SECRET!

But, surprised, I am not.  People have considered me a fringe thinker, and paranoid forever because I have suggested that extreme and massive control of individuals by the state is the direction we've been headed for a very long time.

I'm stunned that Obama worshippers are so afraid their little bubble will be burst if they face the truth; he's another in a long line of puppets that won't put an end to this kind of abuse of power.  To them it is all about party and Obama.  To me it is not.

It is about the erosion of principles, and the foolishness of expanding the scope of the state's power rather than seeking to maintain and reinforce the checks on its power.

It is a lie that every member of congress was briefed on such activities.  Only certain committees and a couple of high ranking posts in house and senate.   And they were sworn to secrecy, because it is all SECRET.

So they couldn't very well go campaign against what was going on because it was a secret they had to keep or face consequences--and none had the cajones to face consequences; although I think there were a couple who tried to hint that there was trouble in River City.  At least one was a democrat.  The fact that there are not sufficient, if any, restrictions on what government, and government agencies can do is not a thing of one of the two bogus parties.

Ignore the grandstanding.  It isn't like republicans had nothing to do with this evolution of the collective monster.

Despite the insulting spin, white house double talk, and the complacency and ignorance of the public, I'm somewhat enthused to see these things come to light in a way that only a hopeless codependent could ignore.

Played a Little Last Saturday

A guy took a lot of photos of people, many of which were excellent.  I won't show you them since you don't know them and I don't want to.
Several people sat in with us, and how it sounded, I don't know.  If the sound matches how it felt, we're on to something.  In any case it was the most fun playing I've had in some time. Pays to lay out a week or two.

Playing that Suzuki pro-master C harp I found in the router box.  Like new but has to be over a decade old.  Fanatstic harp.  First time played in public.

(for critics and purists--yes I hold it wrong. and I use left hand for the effects rather than right hand. it works for me and feels right, so that is how it goes)

 Cliff is one of those people who is the part--the look is not an affectation.  It was an interesting little session.  We did thirty minutes.  He played a song I wrote--Mr. Sleazy.  He came up with the music.  I wrote it in Memphis and got into a big blowout with that guitar player because I didn't like they way he wanted to do it, and the fact he was kind of hijacking the thing.  Cliff is a different story.  He came up with several versions before I gave in.  Surprisingly, it was a big crowd favorite.  But when Cliff is performing, he has that air about him that makes people of all ilks want to like it, and they usually do.

So, I'm still in life improvement mode.  More to sort, but no backsliding, and working like crazy this week over in Rancho Trophy Spouse.  And changes is how I approach basic life are still manifesting.  I'm much less frozen and negligent.  

Out My Back Door

The pic of the front of the place got lost, and then it was too dark to take another shot.

We do have the view if you were standing on the west side facing north, and a shot of the white door on the shed that I painted blue, and the unpainted, and paint flaking off trim around the door which I painted white.

I do not know what any of the stuff outside the shed is, it is not mine.

Again a Gruncle

The youngest of my two rabbit nephews has produced a girl child, with some help from his wife.  His brother has one in the oven which is due to be fully baked sometime in July.  I guess if my wife had been willing when I was, I would have cranked out something.

As it is, I think the perfect Darwinian outcome has been achieved--the better part of the Ballistic gene pool is marching on, while the less suited for long term thriving is weeding itself out of the mix.  That is just fact; not good or bad or poor me.

It is up to me to do the things the better adjusted kin can't wisely chance.  That means following what I feel is the most beneficial.

In the mean time I have a ton of work over in bizarro land, where money is not related to brains or sanity, but the people have more money than they can carry.

Friday, June 7, 2013

The New Me

Ever since M and K came over--3 times, I think, to help me get rolling with organizing and culling, I've felt an internal pressure to maintain and not live like a sad and lonely man.  Well, I still live the life of a sad and lonely guy, but I don't allow some of the trappings.

It spilled over into other parts of my life which I've neglected.  And all of a sudden, I have tons of work.   Hopefully, it will last.  That is my intention.  There is plenty yet to do, but at least I know how and things aren't going backwards.

I can't even leave a dirty pan after I cook.  Right after.  The food waits until everything is cleaned and put away.  I'm getting that down to a quick process.  If stuff is stuck to that pan that needs soaking, then I'll leave it to soak.  When the plate is done, then it all gets handled.

That sounds silly and basic.  To me it is rocket science.

The landlady asked me to paint the wood railing out front and a door to what she calls the bunkhouse.  I think of it as a shed with a nice door.  One of those with 10 windows.  If you see a door like that, and the paint is all flaky and gnarly, don't go out of your way to paint it.  It will take plenty of scraping, then sanding, then sanding some more, and that is just to arrive at the point where you can do an adequate job.

Actually, I enjoyed it.  One side had to be blue and the other white.  That is trickier than it sounds with all the windows.

When she asked, she said they'd pay me to do it.  I never asked how much.  Now she wants to know what they owe.  I'm so glad for how they deal with me, leave me alone yet make every effort to accommodate me, that I can't charge them much more than materials I bought for some of the projects.  I'm also replacing the molding around my front door.

It is some kind of therapy.  Didn't see it coming.

I'm looking at the stone box.  It hasn't always been appreciated, but I see now that it should have.  One friend remembers it and it made a favorable impact.  That is a big deal.  I was quite proud of it when I built it, but I was casting pearls before swine.

I think I tried to give it to more than one girl over the years.  Maybe the box can be my test for The New Mrs Me.  If she digs the box then she's in the running.  If not, I no what the end result of our time will be so I have the choice of hitting the road now or later; either way it is inevitable.

Forgot my original train of thought. Amost none of the foregoing was it.  Old Me and New Me have a lot in common.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Cop Motto

"Protect and Serve" is painted on the doors of police cars in many places.  I guess it is San Diego city that has that.  I don't know about the others or what is on highway patrol.

But how many times when I encountered or observed police were they protecting, or serving?  Not often.  I usually see them hiding, trying catch someone on a traffic violation so they write tickets.   At times they do protect people.  Those are generally the same instances in which their behavior qualifies as serving, I think.

A more accurate motto would be, "Mop Up and Disturb".  Most of the time, when you deal with a cop, it is after a crime was committed, violent or otherwise.  They are mopping up the mess.  Or they are disturbing you, maybe at a roadblock, or when you are minding your own business at an overlook on Sunrise Highway.

Just another example of how we accept language that is way off the mark.

Thank You, whatever you are, etc.

I thought I'd start of with a nod of thanks to whoever and/or whatever has looked after me all this time.  By rights I could be unhealthy, dead, dead more than a few other times, or homeless on the street in any of the listed conditions.  Unhealthy and dead are about all that I listed.  Still, I think I get a lot of milage out of the little bit of constructive effort I exert, and the few good decisions I make.

It really is my own fault that I don't have more to show for my time here on this planet that seems to need saving.  It seems that way to lots of people, but I never would have thought in terms of the planet needing saving--not in those words.

I was writing down ideas for all kinds of recycling products long before Hollywood geniuses were suggesting we use only one square of toilet paper per visit.  Long before they were experts on renewable energy and the evils of exhaling CO2.

That is partially why I believe good engineering and clever business would naturally gravitate toward things that don't require fishing new resources out of the ground as much, and would be cheaper.  It is how the honest inventor thinks, provided his God is not government and public money.  That is how I thought before I found out how it work and went into a decade of pure shock and grief.

I understand the need for certain regulation, to a point, but that does not change the fact that people are, and been, suckered.  Some of it may be the natural flow of things--not conspiracy, not planned, just the result of allowing the system to evolve as it has.  The point is, government influencing industry through subsidies, grants, etc., and over regulating--with chosen members of "the business community sitting in and advising--slows true beneficial progress, and even kills it sometimes.  No way to see that from the outside because the casualties rarely get that far.

Thugs are thugs, whether they be in business or government.   Odd how the thugs of business tend to be in bed with the thugs of government.  Even the good guy who got where they are without that biblical knowledge of politicians and other officials, tend to eventually join the club.

Why do you think that is?  I don't think it is to promote an environment which would give rise to a Steve Jobs or Bill Gates in that industry.

Checking out Huffington Post.  Man, they are so wound up in Democrat vs Republican land they lose sight of why anything is there at all.  Their latest contribution to divisive politics is a poll about who would want to see in Congress.

At first I thought it was a quiz on how much you'd love to see me there, or Batman, or some particular person.  No, it was about what condition of birth would you like to see the members possess.  Seriously?  I would like to see more semi-anarchists, highly libertarian leaning people there.  What does that have to do with women or men?  I'll take all Asian women if that is how they think.

Huffpo tends to group people by ethnicity and sex, then pretend you don't really belong to that group unless you think a certain way.  The way they think; which means when considering what you want from the group that wields power over things some prefer they not, in many cases, first thing you consider is tribal ID, based on race and whether they are male, female, or other.  Huffpo readers would like to see more women there.

I would like to see more restraint, and generally more running things the way I prefer it.  If that unlikely fantasy group turns out to be women, fine. If it is 100% White men, fine, 100% Black men, fine.  The point is, I don't care what they look like.  I care about what they do.  And I'm not even sensitive to the feeling of ethnic groups.  But I am apparently less racist and sexist than a big chunk of the population, and less so that Huffington Post.

Sorry, it was on my mind.

Lots of work for this little period of time.  Work here at behest of landlord.  Work elsewhere because of I don't know what.  And the new me project is still moving toward the goal of neat, tidy, organized, and seductive.  The good things is that I haven't allowed any backsliding on the progress that has been made.  Habits are improving.

Unlike many people, I can change certain habits.  Some are tougher than others.  My advantage is that I have never been anywhere too long, and never tied myself to anything or anyone to the point that I can be all that set in my ways, even if I want to.  That has an obvious downside, but I'm mining the silver lining here.

That fits in with my thought that as much as I'd like to own this cabin, I think I'm better off not owning anything out here.  Too many things trap people in this area and then they almost have no choice but to stay.  There is always a choice.  Just not always a pleasing choice.

That is another thing that blows me away;  we live in a time when ownership of much is punished in many ways, yet the many of owners in this nation tend to support self-punishment.    I'm really not a nut.  People have always pointed at differing viewpoints and labeled the nutcases, often finding in the long run that the nutcase was right.

You'll see that I am right, if you live long enough.  It may take awhile.  Already I'm seeing comments about how insane the idea of getting rid of the IRS and this tax code is.  Some ignorant stuff about how that is putting us back pre-Constitution to the Articles of Confederation.  Hey, there was no income tax for a long time, and they had to ramrod an amendment to the Constitution to get it done.   There are other ways which do not involve abuse, confusion, corruption, and prejudice.

You would not believe how great it feels to walk into this place in the evening or afternoon.  Cool, calm, inviting.  It is like entering another dimension.  From the front, there's no way you'd guess what it is like inside and out back.  The impact is far greater with 90% less clutter than there was.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Next In Line, The "I" Word

What passes as sensitivity to narrow groups, and as a hedge against ignorant troublemakers, is pretty much political gaming and power grabbing.  Whatever you call it, free speech is fading fast.

Oh, yes, you can say whatever you want as long as no identifiable voting bloc finds it offensive.  We've got the N word, which is OK for some to say, but not others.  We have a whole host of F words.  Now fag or faggot is the F word.  Looks like we are headed toward the H word with Homo.

Considering these very groups use the words frequently, and some even berate "breeders", again it is OK for some to say it, but a crime for others.

I'm not anti-gay or anti-[insert ethic description here].  I am anti-use-my-condition-of-birth-as-a -weapon-to-enhance-my-victim-status, and get some special treatment.  Just the power of forcing an apology must be irresistibly exhilarating.  These things become absurd.   Nine times out of ten the offended party is not really that offended, and in no way harmed.

But apologies abound.  Condemnations fit for a serial murderer flourish, people lose jobs, people are branded for life.

There may be a business in that--writing and/or delivering apologies for celebrities.  Maybe they were drunk, maybe it was a case of accidentally blurting out a slur in a foreign language.  They don't even have to know it is a slur or a word, like the macaca guy.

Besides, I thought a fag was a British cigarette.  The proper term when applied to a gay male is "fagunia" anyway, however it is rarely uttered anywhere.  Ever.  I'm very politically correct and all about zero tolerance.  I'd have put that kid with toy gun the size of a quarter away for life.

And if he said the H,N,C,F,Q,R,S,T, I, A, etc. word, off with is head!!!  Oh, geez, that was supposed to be absurdly far fetched, but there is a lot of that going on these days.  I heard it may be illegal to express one's islamaphobia on line.  Hurts the civil rights of those who haven't blown themselves up or anyone else.
****more on that at end****

Zero means ZERO!!  And tolerance, well, that depends upon who is expected show tolerance toward whom.  It has become quite a fluid and fickle word.

I don't go around saying N this and that, or homo fag swish, etc. anyway.  I'm not geared toward matters which do not affect me, like your ethnicity or where and how you diddle.   However, I do believe it is a right to say whatever you want about whomever, within the bounds short of slander.  It is your right to call me names, dislike me, like me, and express that how you see fit.

But it has become hate speech if selected groups are the focus of your disdain.  Hate speech is code for "we are buying votes by making you feel powerful as we rip away rights of your detractors".

I think they are fostering racism by playing selectively sensitive, and I hate to see it.  Partly because neither my philosophy nor my trust and faith in a person are in any proportion to what ethnic group, sexual preference situation you are in.  You are either trusted, respected and a friend, or you are something other.  Overall, this trend has set race relations way back.  Every kind of relations; men-women, breeders-fags, black-white, idiot-moron, etc.

So, I am thinking it hurts my feelings when people use the term "IDIOT" in a derogatory fashion.  It hurts my self esteem, and I think it marginalizes a huge portion of the population.  I want it listed as hate speech, and whoever says idiot has to write things a thousand times on the board, and has to mop the sidewalk from here to San Diego.

Idiots are people too you know.  I suggest we be clever and instead of using the word "idiot", we just say, "The I Word", in a lowered voice of course.  Almost a whisper.  And furtively look around for idiots as you say it.

I'd say, "idiots of the world Unite!", but I'm not sure they haven't already done that.

****if I belonged to a religion, and people were continually using that religion as an excuse to be as big a pain the ass to the rest of humanity as possible, I'd change religions.  If I were Catholic and clerics and zealots were shouting "In the Name of Jesus!" as they stoned a woman, or blew up random strangers in public places, and it was a long term trend which showed little sign of changing, I either start a sect called, "Catholics who are not psychopathic homicidal lunatics", or I'd cut myself off from them and not claim that faith.  I wouldn't go, "oh, look at me, I'm so nice, and you are so mean to think we Catholics are a pain in the ass."  I wouldn't just pretend it isn't a problem.

But then, I am no fan of our foreign policy which has enriched weirdo rulers and holy men, been very vague on true purpose, and shown little worthwhile, that I know of, for the effort.

Anyway, I'm a bit skittish about most religions, if they don't have well thought out, hospitable fertility rites.  I'm particularly wary of those faiths which do their best to annoy those to whom they know it is strange, then play all indignant and condemning.  Especially when they are the newcomers to an area.  Talk about lack of sensitivity.  You jump with both feet, forcing customs, people see you as a pain in the ass.

It is annoying any time anyone from outside your country, or other tribal ID, moves in and then starts telling you how to behave, what to change, and how to treat them.  Anyway, I'm a little skittish of a few groups, mostly ones with initials, both churches and not,  

But believing a person or group to be aberrant, misguided, or an unfortunate result of genetic mutation is not the same as expecting to, or even wanting to, limit their natural rights.  The whole conflict comes into play because they don't see anything wrong in forcing others to do as they wish.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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