Monday, April 6, 2015

I Told Them The Epicenter Was Right Here

It may take hours I do not have to just down a bowl of oatmeal.  This is the annoying thing about doctors.  They ignore the truth when it comes from the subject(patient).  In their mind you are a subject, there to pay them and let them pronounce easy labels for your ills, despite loose ends that leaves.

I told them this is not really as much a case concurrent, unrelated conditions as it seems.  I said the center of all this is right here, pointing to sternum-diaphram region.

If only I knew for sure what sets it off.  I know that all night long and still into today, it is hard to even get water to go down. It just sits there on top of what feels like a brain freeze, except in the middle of my chest.  It is no good at all. It sits there and I have to spit it out and try agin. Eventually it goes down.  But the feeling of something stuck there, like maybe a flap of something they hooked with the endoscopy rig got pulled inside out in that region.

If I die from this, at least it is here.  I told the guy weeks ago there was a problem. I called on two occasions.  I was so pissed that his reaction was, "well we did not see anything", that I gave up at that time.  Now this is interfering with me performing simple house sitting for friends who depend on me.

Stupid twit, if you ripped things up while removing the cam, I doubt you saw it. What insulting bastards. It is all a CYA thing.  I am not looking for a lawsuit, just relief.  He seems to think I don't know how I feel.  His nurse had the look of knowing this is real.

People do not get how I am operating.  It takes me at least a day or two of easy rest to go perform for two hours somewhere.  And I might be feeling great, but I pay later for some reason.  Fatigue or this damned lump below my throat feeling debilitates me.  It is painful, nauseating, and no good.

Such a hassle to deal with the bureaucratic doctor mess that I try to avoid it.  Plus it is far away.  I do not know how I am going to get this week worked out, or our future obligations to play music.

All I want is to get my house made right. Get rid of clutter so the landlord won't be burdened further with it in the shed, and then I will be OK.  All has to be cleaned sanitized made holy.

Then I can be OK.  I do not think this is a situation which will improve, long term.  The problem is more here than in the bone marrow, even it that is screwed too.  I'm out of warranty.  I have to never again agree to do favors when I have doubts, even if it seems like I am being a jerk. Now we are all in a lurch.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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