Thursday, April 14, 2011

Questions I Ask Myself-sometimes

Within the context of still being the person that I am, what would be my heaven on earth? What would I change about my daily life?

The crazy thing is that, even when I am deep in the blues, I have a hard time picturing what I would change about my world, probably because most changes I try to think would be good are within my power to influence--if I am brutally honest with myself about it.

I'm not referring to impossible things like, oh I'd have the dream wife and seven kids. That is not too likely to happen and you don't need to be having kids at this age. I mean realistic heaven within the context of my present state of existence. That wouldn't discount the dream mate. No more than I know, and judging from the track record, I wouldn't know the dream mate if she bit me somewhere nice.

If I indulge the common fantasy of winning the big lottery, considering what I'd do with that bundle of money, my first thought is usually how to enhance someone else's life without the cash ruining their perspective and character. People always say they know what they'd do if the money fell on them, but I don't know if they realize it wouldn't make them better all by itself, and it may not be the easy street they think. That is why so many lotto winners wind up worse off than they were after only a few years. No question that financial security is a huge relief compared to being broke.

When I think of myself in that context I realize that to do it right, I'd need to change some habits and behavior. Then it hits me that there is no logical reason why I have to wait for the heavens to drop a chest of gold at the foot of my bed in order to affect those changes. That is how I kid myself. Even though I thought I was beyond it, obviously there are still some "if only x then I would Y" floating around in my mind.

The truth is, if I really wanted to be able to help myself and others monetarily, I could do the work, overcome the fear, and do things which are more likely to bring substantial income. I am not doing my best in that regard.

Perhaps what limits my ability to actually decide how I want things to be, what would make me feel the most fulfilled and worthwhile, is fear of one color or another. That is a tough pill to swallow since it is not hard for the mildly creative to find a million reasons why I am how I am, where I am, and even a victim who could be so much more, if only everything in the world or just this country fell my way. The righteous way.

Changing any pattern of behavior is a bitch. That does not make it impossible.
At least I hope not. The path of least resistance for me is often dysfunctional, and ultimately the path of least contentment, fulfillment and reward.

Not to worry. We shall prevail.

Madness on High/good news-bad news

TSA says, "Recognizing that terrorists are willing to manipulate societal norms to evade detection, TSA has been actively assessing less invasive screening methods for low-risk populations, such as younger passengers, while still maintaining a high level of security."

That is what justifies patting down infants and such. If you let yourself go too far thinking anyone could be a bomber, then all of your neighbors, family, everyone is burdened with proving their innocence. And the thinking carries over to all aspects of life; my partner could be a thief, my wife could be unfaithful, my brother could be a child molester, that boyfriend or girlfriend or first date could be a serial killer--after all, it is always the one you don't suspect. Right?

Best to fear and suspect everyone. That way you are safer. Living free and happy obviously needs to take a back seat. After all the worst could happen.

You could insert DEA, the tobacco, alcohol, firearms people, IRS, or just about any other government agency, in place of the word "terrorists" in the above statement, and the bold part of the phrase would be equally valid. Maybe more so.

That just crossed my mine when I saw it.

I'm still thinking about the big trip. A couple of things are causing me to wonder whether I will do it or not. Most likely, I will hit the road.

In good news: re-connected with old friend and long ago drinking buddy. He blames me for contributing to his success at quitting alcohol 13 years ago. I wasn't even in town at the time. Must have been a phone call and putting him in touch with another friend. This is probably the only friend from high school that I have reason to keep in the loop, and one of my closest friends ever. Lately, the long time friends that were long lost have returned. "The chickens have come home to roost", to paraphrase that Chicago rabble rouser in the holy man suit.

In bad news: I just heard that a friend's adopted son, 26, died of alcohol poisoning. He and another guy were binge drinking with friends, got dropped off at home, and was found dead. Bizarrely, the other guy was also found dead--I guess at his respective dwelling. I knew alcohol could be trouble, but I thought it was hard to stay conscious enough to drink so much that it kills you. I always passed out or ran into something but what do I know?

The bad news above is kind of tough. There had been talk awhile back of a possible conversation on the topic between the deceased and myself. Never happened. I said I was available but someone has to want my opinion or knowledge. Can't force people. It is really bad news when things like this happen. Some of the things that go on are more extreme and self destructive than people think. To say every generation shocks the last, so no big deal, is a half truth. Methods improve and behavior finds further extremes.

What happens is advanced cultures fall under the weight of their addiction to entertainment, excitement, and taking things to the edge. Then in time new civilizations emerge, full of values and a work ethic, then the kids reap the benefits, get complacent, raise spoiled idiots and the whole thing repeats.

The spoiled idiots of our culture, who have ensured the decline, would be the baby boomers. The idiots who created them are the ones mislabeled "the greatest generation". They were not the greatest. Some of them were splendid, but on the whole they queered the deal. They were the last of the tough people, but they had lost the values of those who came before. They were the group who made seeking one's happiness at the expense of vows, family, and others an acceptable outlook. They made it cool. You were hardly a man in many circles if you weren't playing victim to the ex wife or the kids. The result was not good.

They were good soldiers but dumb as hell when it came to knowing when war is sane and when it is not, hence they were all for anything politicians dreamt up, Korea, VietNam, etc. And they accepted the police action mode of warfare, which proved far more brutal and cruel than if they'd just bombed a place into submission. Maybe without a real goal that isn't possible.
Greatest generation? Only if you ignore those who preceded them.

If you had grown up on my street, you'd know that half the men were named Bob, and all of them were jerks who thought nothing of cheating on their wives with Bob's wife, and who thought the only people who shouldn't be allowed to lie were children. On that street, the only people who weren't liars and betrayers actually were kids, but only a couple of them. And maybe one or two women.

That group does not fit my definition of great. They allowed WW1 and WW2 to develop, then got in the fray to clean up the idiotic diplomacy that allowed it. They were as manipulated as we are by elite powers that be whose motives still baffle me. I do believe none of these wars is as represented.

What the hell. It makes as much sense to run six year old American girls through the wringer at the airport as any thing else makes.

Anything except just living life, remembering the people who are close and you love, and recognizing the beauty of the place, doing what makes humans human. All the rest is garbage and nonsense.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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