Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Austin; not just for weird Texans

Other than a case of insomnia, I can't imagine a better first day in Austin.   Two little two year old girls and one four year old will cure almost anything.   At least when the parents are good and smart and don't raise up junk.

So, this was a good day.  The hard part is for me to refuse to let my inner thoughts focus on what a failure I am, and use the success of my brother and both his sons as proof.  I failed on purpose, it could be argued.  Certainly my actions, decisions, delusions, etc. are responsible for where I am, what I am, and what I am not.

Many influences my have been in play, but that does not change it.  And it is unfair to not enjoy such company and hospitality because you think they aren't as tormented and miserable as yourself.  Really, that is underhanded and selfish.  And, whatever else I may be, I do not have to be that selfish and unkind.

So, putting my own demons away ensures a much more pleasant time.  Let's hope I can do that for the duration here.

This cold snap has been perfect for me---helps stave off any weird attacks of pruritus and the thermal heebie jeebies.  Maybe it is a Christmas miracle and I am being healed.  Sometimes I think so.  It is trying anyway.  I made the trip without extreme discomfort, embarrassment, or forcing the plane to land to get me out.  Huge deal.  I do not think it would have been possible a year or even six months ago.

I am learning. And we have become better at balancing dope and blood and what have ya.

Looks like I'll be playing with Valor and Lace for a new year party at Chris' family's barn north of here on Thursday.  We shall see.

I saw myself walk away from, and destroy my shot at, this level of life a long time ago.  And to this day I do not know why.  Blaming alcohol or any of that doesn't truly fly.  That was only the symptom of something far deeper.  I have destroyed a lot since then, and still no idea why.  Not much left to blame except a defective view of life and the living, and myself.

The craziest thing is that I wonder if this means Bolsheviks are right.  Some of the crew is way deep in the statist, Obama-is-swell camp.  I do not discuss it other than to express my dismay at these lefty lunatics in our midst.  But they are so nice and straight dealing in person.  They would never tell their friends what to do with their resources.  But on the grand scale they have no prob with the state encroaching everywhere.

So, I broke the ice by giving the main Obamabot a golf tee which was carried around by the big O himself, along with other AF1 souvenirs with the presidential seal and signature.  A big hit.  I loved it.

Friday, December 25, 2015

One Day and Outta Here

I am not ready, but I better manage to be ready before noon Sunday, because that is when the flight leaves for Austin (via San Francisco).  I'd explain the pressure and apprehension, but I won't.  T^here is no explanation because all that is self induced and free floating to a large degree.

None of that changes the force of it.  It may be a healthy thing.  So much is needed in the getting organized and right as rain department.  It may not be that hard to fix.  I almost have to.  Here I am falling apart and people are all over it trying to make me feel real and worthwhile.  It is touching and sad at once. But it makes me think I need to get on top of things so I won't be a needy friend.

Tomorrow is work and try to unclutter and prepare for trip, tons of laundry, etc.  I'll stay with Pt Loma friends and leave my car on their street.  It is how you do it there.  That is cool.   Everything feels weird lately, like I am in a foggy bubble.  There but not there.  That is better than melting depression, even though it is probably a manifestation of depression.

It is a trying time.  It will be OK.  It will be OK.  Pay the Man.  Fix the clutter.  Exercise and be of good cheer.  That's the hope of a plan.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Let's Examine the History of Dimwiticisms in One's Life

Ha!  No way am I going to specifically enumerate and elaborate upon my forays into the dark world of "what an idiot" endeavors.  However, I can say that I often thought things like, "Oh my God!!  I'm 35 and have to start life all over again.  I'm too old to ever...blablabla".

I have been reasoning that way since I was 25.  One way or another.  And I have been stuck in a certain way, under certain conditions (common conditions) for all that time.   So, if I now say, "I am too old" or "I am too sick with rare and exotic ills", I will never get anywhere.

I will yet prove to the world that I am somewhat strong and hard core.  Wait.  That is a lie.  I may yet prove that to myself.  The world is oblivious to such things for the most part.

Certain aspects of life are similar.  Sort of like how the typical human has two arms, eyes, and such.  How well those items serve a person varies a great deal.  Check your buff bod privilege. You know who you are.

The point is:  things are confusing, dismal, neglected, cluttered and confusing again in my life.   Facing it all in an organized fashion is probably what has to be done.  I freeze.  And I have been known to tell myself that it is too late for any sort of stability and domestic bliss.

I have told myself it would be unfair to let anyone in close because I have only pain to offer.  I decided that because of my rare but probably manageable disease.  But I had other versions of the same thing running in years past.  The point is that I copped out.  We are here.  We exist.  We live and life is a very bizarre circumstance.  Really.  I never would have dreamt it up.  Existence itself is really beyond the scope of your highly intellectual forums, like The View, and other authoritative bodies.

So, the point is probably not what people tell you who send others to war, or even the media stuff.  There is that grubby sort of greed.  Lately, people nail it on the "one percent" but I don't buy it.  I have seen what the workplace does to normally moral people of integrity.  They will go against all values in the name of "just doing my job", and for no big salary at that.  Really, what people will do.  The dishonesty, which is a pillar of many institutions and firms, expected of employees is deplorable. Many times the customer service rep is used as a shield while skulduggery is afoot in all the upper levels of management directing policy and behavior of the reps.  They get hung out to dry and rather than face their own truth or yours, they find themselves lying.  Or enforcing policies, as directed,  in ways that make no sense.

That is neither here nor there.  Unfreezing and losing the martyr routine and other nonsense, would make me so much happier, and probably healthier, too.

Playing VFW tomorrow--a Christmas party.  That's about it.  Had great practice over at Sande's.  I just happen to really like her songs.  I think the right arrangement is the ticket.  We should be recording before too long.  Even if the arrangement curbs my participation, I am all for the best move for the tune.  And I like to see good things get their just due.

If I do this even half way right, it will be a miracle and make life vastly better.  What is wrong with someone who has such a hard time doing what is best?  Anyone can claim fatigue, etc.  Exercise is the best hedge against fatigue and mitigator of chronic fatigue.  It can become such a habit that one may react as if he were in the throes of exhaustion when in fact he was in the throes of a behavior rut.

I had some pain free hours and some brief peace of mind. So, it is possible.  And probably within reach.

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Bottom Line. At The End of The Day

When all is said and done,  the real trick is to hang on long enough to find the wherewithal to start living like a sane person; to quit being nuts.
That is the whole battle in a nutshell.   A person can be so isolated, and crave company so much, that he ends up losing all skills necessary to obtain those goals,

If you don't think that sucks, then you probably have a good life since it is clear you've never been there.  Do you and yours a favor--never go there.  Bless you and good day.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Odd But Welcome

Tonight was one of those times, characterized by the absence of pain and overwhelming fatigue.  Just feeling alright.  It feels like being healed.   It doesn't often last long but long enough to help me visualize my goal of how I want this to be.

I was thinking; even though I have sounded like the worst deal ever from a mate point of view, the reality is that I am probably a better bet than ever.  Under certain circumstances.  Never mind what they may be.

The sudden reprieve from a certain pain is pretty cool.   I had some energy.  Just dawned on me.  Today was not too bad.  Different.  Let's hope that is a good sign.  The last thing I need is more smothering sad blues.  Depression is used for that but I do not like the word when it has to do with me.  Those people get depressed.  People like me get the blues.

Even though I don't read back, I am glad I have it written down that I felt OK for several hours.
This may happen more often.  I would be OK with that.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Did I Already Cover This?

I don't recall writing about the Mt Helix sing-a-long.  But I may have.  Too lazy to go back and check.

I will let it go for now.  Now that I think of it, the major deal is that I am not at this moment overwhelmed with the blues.  Going to the coffee house was a good move.  I brought my stuff but did not plan on playing.  I was able to just listen to people. Pretty much it is just musicians playing for musicians.  But it is in no way off-putting or an inhospitable environment.  Quite the opposite.

That is why I am glad I went.  Very warm reception, and I left without playing, but I felt much better than I did earlier.  I've kind of been in pain I guess.  On and off. It throws you off.  But I am figuring out the hard truth.  And that is, too much rest is a bad thing. You will feel less pain by pushing past the fatigue and all that. It is just recognizing the hump and pushing past it.

Not unlike when you get up real early every day for a job. You stumble out the door and hope cruise control will guide the car.

More playing ahead.  First, on Sunday there is some annual party for the local music newspaper, the Troubadour.  They hold it different places every year.  Last year was a fantastic place, but I understand that this year it is in a dump.  Not like I never played anything lest than 5 stars.

In practice I try never to go below 1 star.

Then, on Wed., 23rd, I play with Valor and Lace for the VFW Christmas party in Lakeside.  If you have money that VFW is fairly welcoming to anyone.  Within reason.  Anyway that will be interesting.  The sound from Chris and Emily's P.A. board/system overall has been better each time since he got the new board.  It is so crazy that the whole group will be just outside of Austin while I am there from 27th and leave the 1st.  I may be able to play with the group on the 31st.

It would be in a barn set up for the purpose.  And Valor and Lace would play and there would be a bunch of Texans, I guess.   I hope I can make it.  I'd love to meet the family and all that.  E's kids are going with them, which is really cool.  Both from the standpoint of how cool road trips are for children, but how much I would enjoy seeing them in that environment.  They are a real joy.

Monday, December 14, 2015

This Is a Roller Coaster Time of Year and Life

Many times I have wondered out loud at the situations in which I find myself.  Last night I was part of a Christmas sing-along atop Mt. Helix in La Mesa.  La Mesa is really just El Cajon west, in my book.  I don't know where one stops and the other starts.

The view of the city and surrounding area is spectacular.  Kind of an uppity neighborhood, even though the part at the top is a park.  It is a large amphitheater.

The band, with my ex-marine pal Chris, and Emily, and Nam vet Richard, which is called Valor and Lace somehow pulled me into this event.  It was organized by the head of the West Coast Country Music association, James.  I think that is what it is called.  James has his own band and I think they do well playing country covers.

Like Enter the Blue Sky, V and L play a lot of originals.  Not nearly as many, or as much material overall, but Chris and Emily have been adding stuff at an impressive rate.  They have been improving at an impressive rate.

It is my belief that some people have an intangible quality that draws people in and makes them special performers.  I do not think it can be taught.  Chris has that.  And Emily is rather a treat for the eyes as well.  She also has good singing potential.  Even so, and even with Richard's killer dobro, myself on harmonica, Chris is the guy you want up front.  Plus Richard and I are way older.

I tend to need these things to fight what I suppose is out of control depression or maybe the mind muddling that goes with MPNs and the pill I take to combat it.   Whatever it is, it is physically gripping and mentally paralyzing.  We have been down that road a million times.

This Christmas thing was very disorganized.  Other than Chris three other frontmen were involved. Two of them mostly play one man acts.  They are very good, but not so in tune with playing with others and being good back up.  Chris has probably not even a tenth of their experience but he came off as more the professional in my mind.

Richard and I were off to one side with a bass player, just watching as those guys dropped the ball when they weren't the front--kind of tossing one another under the bus, as near as we could tell.

Somehow it managed to work out in the end.  People had song books and sang along, and the rain we feared waited until we were gone.

What turned things around and saved the day was when someone had the idea of inviting all the kids on stage to join in. There were tons of them.  A couple of ladies had a barely walking toddler and one maybe four years old.  I gave the lady with the littlest one my mic and coaxed the kid into making some noise, once he tired of licking the mic.  The other kid wanted no part of it.

It changed my mood.  I was barely fit to be in public when the thing started, but left a temporarily upbeat person by the end.

We had no practice.  Only one meeting in which the front men seemed to vie for dominance.

I have to say, I have become far more impressed with Marines than I ever was.  I am not fond of military things, or never was. But here I am, in the thick of Wounded Warriors and who knows what.  And their kindness to me when it counts is somewhat touching.

They understand I have been playing with Sande's group and have loyalty there.  Sande is a little nervous I think.  That is nice to be sought after, but the fact is we are not doing my songs and I am there to make them sound good, and keep out of trouble.  So, it is hard to just not play with anyone other.

There was some Christmas song that included a solo being thrown my way.  I had it nailed and seeing the look of pride on Chris' and Emily's faces was heartwarming.  Some of the other front guys just let the backing chords almost die out, but I was on it enough that it did not throw me off.  Oh, yea, and some people in the audience gave me applause.  That was cool.  No other leads or solos got that in mid song. See?  I have an ego, too.  But I don't take that stuff too seriously.  I just love affirmation, praise, and love.  I'm inwardly a basket case and I hope to fix that before I die.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

To Clarify

There are a number of cultures and groups that I don't really like.   That does not mean that I would go out of my way to persecute or mistreat individuals in those groups, but I would not give them special treatment either.  And if I find certain behaviors and mannerisms trigger mistrust in me, then so be it.  I am well aware that seriously mistaken actions can occur if one is not careful.

That is why governments ought to adhere to the idea that one is innocent until proven guilty.  It is is easy to jump to conclusions which result in unfair condemnation.

That being said, I think there are groups and people who play the government and guilt ridden people of this country in order to serve their own ends.  Ultimately, those guilt ridden people are denied their own culture and customs due to the sway some groups have in making the majority accommodate their prejudices and customs.  I may find that a bit much in many cases.

Quote of Day

From John Irving novel, Avenue of Mysteries; " it was seemingly nitpicking scrutiny of a subject that eluded any concrete description."

Referring to a book which analyzes someone else's take on someone else's work.

It struck me as funny and a perfect description.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Privilege? Un be friggin lievable!!!

Everything now is privilege.  White privilege. Because you are white, you suck.,  You have no bills, are ushered to the front of every line, and people give you unlimited credit without so much as asking if you have a source of income.

And now, on facebook--of course--I see talk of male privilege.  It had to do with some man--possibly fictitious--who was upset, at a college party, that the hostess had placed tampons and pads in a basket in the bathroom, in plain sight.  The guy supposedly complained saying that guys don't want to see that.  So, the person writing about this event calls this "male privilege", and further claims that this is why she still needs to be a feminist.

Feminist by it's very meaning is somewhat exclusive.  And combative.  A masculinist would be a dolt.  What kind of clown would really go for that?   Oh. Maybe the shari'a law people.  OK.  I guess my point is gone. Wasted.  That must be my male privilege.  Or is one the flipside of the other.?  Cut from the same cloth.  I hope not.  I think these things vary, person to person.

I don't know about male privilege.  Maybe I should talk about my special purpose...

So, as long as there are "jerks like this" she will be in her for-and-about-women-only armor.  There is no mention of crazy, rude, inconsiderate, male abusing women.  But, in reality, it is always the male who needs training according to those who create political correctness and terms like "white privilege", etc.  I need to find a way to throw in the words, "empower" and "robust", and that will put me right in the mainstream of the cliched concerned activist who just wants what is best for you.  And wishes you to have just that whether you want it or not.

Male privilege.  Come on people.  Say what you are thinking.  "I hate white men!!" ( Unless they grovel and claim that they, too hate white men.)  Being gay helps because it almost erases your "whiteness" and your privilege..

There used to be female privilege, but that is rapidly dying.   For whatever reason that women want to be in combat, they are setting the stage for girls to have to register with selective service, too.  What a name--Selective Service.  No service to it.  The DRAFT.   I don't think people have any idea how awful it is to have the draft hanging over you.  You are in high school trying to get by and maybe you do not want to be required to serve for a war with no clear defensive purpose.

I hope the active draft never returns.  But if it does, I will be very sad if women, too, get drafted.  Gays screwed up, too, in a way.  Now you can't get out of the draft that way.  Under don't ask don't tell you could bail on the military by coming out.  In a situation of being drafted for a bogus war, avoiding the draft is not hurting your country.  The draft and the bogus war are.  Same to me either way. You go girls and all that tripe.  That must be my male privilege rearing its head.

I loved the draft.  Being a slave of the state is just cool as can be.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

OK. No More News for Awhile

Really.  I did not think we could do worse for attorney general than Eric Holder.  I was wrong.  Loretta Lynch is either nuts or purely evil.  Holy smoke.  Her reaction to San Bernardino?   Better watch your anti-muslim rhetoric.  If she deems it hateful you can be investigated and charged with some kind of hate crime.

In light of this, I must clarify what I meant when I said I didn't like Islam and that I found imams who crossed my path to be jerks.  What that actually meant was that I find islam to be the most lovely, peaceful, fun loving religion ever, and I find the stonings and other acts of religious correction to be beautiful expressions of love.   And I meant that the holy men of that faith are wonderfully fair, respectful of all people, and above all, peaceful.

I think this is the biggest worry we have---people not loving islam and people not wanting muslims in their neighborhoods.  That is what we need to watch out for.  What they mean by "see something, say something" is that if you see or hear anything that may possibly indicate that someone doesn't like islam and may not be welcoming to muslims, you should report them.

But let's be clear.  I love all of them, especially women who cover up except for little eye slits.  Showing more skin than that is scandalous and how can a man be blamed if he attacks?  Geez.  Get with it.  We are lucky our astute attorney general understands this stuff and also understands the constitutional limits intended on the authority of our government.  Yay for us.

Holy sh**.  Really.  Did the USSR look like an attractive model?  Cuba?  I guess I am just too stupid to get it.  I was thinking maybe little terrorist groups operating under the idea that they serve some god by killing innocent people was a worry.  I see now that the real worry is that someone might have an unfavorable or biased view of the beautiful world of the islamic faith and culture.  My bad.

Cherry Koolaid, I Guess

Some of my favorite relatives are the most koolaid drinking statists I know.  That is tough.  I wonder how bright people can really think that governmental operations and constructs are the most altruistic and moral and just avenues for the betterment and welfare of the human race.

It's about as reasonable as leaving your keys in the car with a wad of money on the seat, in the middle of a mall parking lot, in Memphis, and expecting it to be there when you come back to your car tomorrow.  Just doesn't work out.

Why is there so much corruption connected with governments?  Because the corrupt do their best to convince you you need government involved in every facet of life. They build the institution. That's why.  They hate the limits a good constitution places on the state.  They do their best, successfully it appears, to convince people that rights are really privileges granted by the authority of the state.

But my relatives are right in their on the cutting edge of progressive nonsense.  Mostly out of disdain for republicans and all that, I think.  They pretty much believe the second hand reports of what alleged right wingers say and do. Much of that info is false.  Just like the conservative pundits can be spouting propaganda as well.  I just find the progressive efforts more harmful because their goals ultimately lead toward totalitarian rule.

What do I know?  I am letting you pay most of my medical bills.  Thanks.  Suckers.  In a perfect world it would all be far different.  As it is, problems are generated by the same people who claim to solve them.  They sap you to the point you have little choice sometimes.

Please, help me keep my mouth shut during my visit to see family on the 27th.  Amen.

God I hope I don't have to listen to talk of "common sense" gun laws.  I see that phrase over and over. WTF does it even mean?  We did better before gunfree zones, but the actual murder rate by guns is down by a huge percent in the last few decades.  All in how you package info.  Obama is wrong in many respects.  It does happen in other countries, and we are number four or six--depending upon the parameters for per capita deaths from mass shootings.  And treating San Bernadino as a case of anything other than a terror attack is BS.  Comparing it to lunatics going nuts is also BS.  Blaming the NRA is so far off the mark, it is criminal.

How can smart people be so completely wrong?

I think it has to do with peer pressure, greedy desire to have an excuse to vent hatred, jealousy and who knows what.  Freedom actually takes a kind of discipline most people refuse to cultivate.  Letting others live how they choose and not how you would choose for them is tough.

My own damn relatives!!  Freaky.  Maybe they are right. They certainly have been more successful.  But no, they are wrong on this.  Or just not that fond of individual freedom and natural rights.
Oh well.  Nice people can be Bolsheviks I guess.  And you wonder how the whole nazi thing ever got a foothold.  People go along.  Sad.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Logic, Schmogic; We Must DO Something!!

  It really stuns me how hatred of republicans and religion tends to send die hard progressives into lockstep insanity.    Republicans irk me quite often because of the dumb way they have of opposing things that I oppose.  They will twist it so that the reasoning is no longer based on what I see as the germane  principles involved.  They will say things like hold a silver dollar between your knees to prevent teen pregnancy, and other nonsense.  This gives the opponents open season to push all sorts of statist nonsense.  Makes me want to go on a slap binge, smacking them all.

That does not change the fact that for some reason progressive talking points have long been at odds with natural rights, the Constitution, choice in all matters except abortion, and meritocracy in any form.   I have no idea why this is.

It is scary that I can pretty much tell just by the body language and facial expression of a woman whether she is so politically lockstepped and addicted to anger that it would be dangerous to even say something that hints at my lack of faith in government and the vision of statists.  Or to point out that to champion someone like the late Ted Kennedy is to champion an abusive misogynist, elitist, and exploiter of the under dog.   No way that conversation will happen.

So now we have an attack by an islamic terrorist cell, and the news wants to know if planned parenthood is OK,  One is an organized planned event.  The PP episodes are lunatic idiots who are not backed by any religion or philosophy.  Anti-abortion people do not like places to get public funding if they do abortions.  They are labelled domestic terrorists and that is nuts.  Really.  I don't want any outfit to get tax money, abortion or no.  But that is a pipe dream and I am aware of that.

But what we have is a whole culture of people who are so programmed that they just react as they are conditioned to do, regardless of fact.   Generally any self labelled Christian person, idea or organization receives immediate scorn no matter what.  Then in light of recent attacks and past ones, beheadings, stonings, etc., they jump to defend Islam and raise hell about Christians, as if one is tied to the other.  I have no idea why the pretense regarding the world of muslims is a cause.

I can see not wanting to label them all as terrorists, but there is a tendency to pretend.  One minute religion is stupid, the next poor islam deserves our protection and apologies for nothing.  My experience with holy men of most religions has led me to unfavorable opinions in most cases.  Not in the case of rabbis, though.  Imams are the biggest jerks I have ever encountered, priests-50/50, pastors 50/50.  I have never experienced such disdain from others, as the disdain the holy islamist shows toward a random infidel like myself.   You get them in a situation where they think because you are someone's employee that they have free reign, oh boy.  But being one on one, they have no proof I offered to beat them to a pulp--another story, another time.  Maddening people, and I dealt with them on several occasions.

Interesting that my encounters with Jewish holy men has always been an interaction of the highest respect and decency.  They apparently do not equate non-jews with pig dung.  I have no question that most imams do.  It is quite obvious.

Sorry, I really dislike that religion and its holy men.  That is the way it goes.  But from a governmental point, I do not believe in rounding them up or any of that.  But do not deny that muslims are the kings of terrorist acts and using women and children for shields, because they are.   Equating domestic lunatics with religious jihadists and mass murderers is a lie.

Why not equate the the 15 or 20 killed in the 'hood by the 'hood in cities like Chicago during a good weekend with terrorist attacks by ISIS?   Can't mention that because we can't invoke our hatred of christians and white people that way.  Of course the invokers are generally self hating whites or filthy rich whites who are either consumed with guilt or fear that the minority people will beat them up, or unmask their true elitism and belief in their superiority...and lack of coolness.  Same result; nauseating pandering, a la Quentin Teratino.   What a phony.  I wish the black panthers would see through him and rough him up a little, driving him out of the limelight.

Self hating whites and Americans annoy me.  Really.  It is an illness, and as much as I am defective, I am grateful I do not suffer from that need to pretend to hate my race and country.  If people understood the uniqueness of our original form of government and effort toward freedom, they would quit with the absurd, out of context drivel.  But to do that they'd have to admit that the world has been made bloody by tyrants, shamans and priests, and other thieves who masquerade as friends of humanity (again I cite Kennedy as an example).

So, the kool aid is flowing.  Terrorists attack.  They do so in a gun free zone. (Damn near a gun free state). So, the problem is lack of gun legislation, and the head of the NRA is labeled a terrorist.  We Must DO SOMETHING!!!  Enough is enough!!!

Just like airports after 911, people felt better being groped even though it would not have prevented those attacks.  NOT DONE A THING TO STOP IT!  But gee, I sure am glad you guys are on the job to take my nail clippers.

I wish republicans, especially evangelists like Huckabee would insist on gun laws and praise islam because then the compulsive progressives would immediately call him an idiot and push the opposite view.  They would because they do not reason.  They ridicule and think that is the same as reason.,

I have a dream.  A dream that one day all propagandists, idiots, compulsive statists, and authoritarians would all jump on the same band wagon and roll over a very high cliff.

Why would any sane person think that disarming the public and leaving control of arms in the hands of people like Hillary, Huckabee, and other lunatic politicians is a better bet?


Thursday, December 3, 2015

Only An Idiot!!!

If you asked me, "Who would allow themselves to engage on facebook in some contentious thread relating to shootings and such, which included such original phrases as "common sense gun legislation".   Common sense?

Believe me, people in this government who make such statements tend to stay where I work,  I'm here to tell you they wouldn't know sense and logic, common or any other kind, if it bit them in the ass.  Seriously.  If you engaged in any way with these people, you would know that "common sense" is as foreign to them as getting a real job.

But  to answer the original question; only an idiot!   You may ask how I know.  Or not.  I have been such an idiot is how I know.

Really.  Some chick is hassling another chick for being too simplistic and not original.  Then she turns around and basically copies and pastes the usual stuff off of koolaid sites about "common sense" gun laws.  If these latest people are of the Allahu Akbar variety--I doubt I spelled it right.  I hope this is not as bad as drawing a picture of you-know-who, peace be upon him (pbuh).

Maybe I should go back and read more.  The common sense chick is bound to use the word "robust" any second now.  We need common sense legislation to create a body of robust gun regulation in this country.  Never mind that this is about as worthwhile as harassing the public after 9-11 when none of the present day search and grope and shoes on and off would have stopped the attack on the trade center.  Profiling, and alerting the crews to the intelligence that they sat on would have helped.  They knew suicide attacks were possible.  Crews were trained to be compliant and acquiesce.  Had crews been aware of the intelligence that the government had, they would have played differently, no doubt.

Don't know if it would have prevented anything or not.  But none of the screening we deal with would have done the trick. Only profiling known lunatics and people learning to fly jets but not land them.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

It Is All A Mystery to Me

Yes. It is.   I hid a well written post that I had up for a day.  It was too controversial in many ways relating to my relatives.  It was more like a therapy session with the reader being the shrink.  But I don't trust the reader to honor the patient doctor confidence.  Readers will blab it all over and get the facts wrong and then you have a big mess.  Kudos to them for being able to read, though, and for reading something I wrote.

Largely an imaginary world--the world in which I have numerous, nameless, unknown readers.  It is a good world and one toward which we should all direct our efforts.  As it is, there are a few super geniuses who do read this blog.  I have a very small readership but the most brilliant readership of anyone.  Geniuses all.  Ahead of their time.

So, I am stumbling along trying to keep my socialist insurance.  I almost had to lie to do it.  If you don't earn enough, you cannot even opt for the plan which has very low copays.  You have to opt for the completely free (allegedly, but not in reality) plan which offers few, if any, choices.

As near as I can tell, it is fine if you break your arm cleanly or something of that nature.  If you have rare blood disease or cancer of some kind, things like that, the system appears top be designed to ensure your rapid demise.  Seriously, you need to be energetic, have an abundance of time and patience, and have no time sensitive physical issue like ten times more platelets in your blood than is advisable.  By the time you get through all the hoops and hooplah, if you are healthy enough to do so,  you will probably already have had strokes and such, and may be a vegetable or dead.

Do not fall for the lies.  No politician cares at all if you have access to medical help.   It is a money maker and an easy way to buy votes.  The free stuff is not so free.  You will pay.  One way or another.

Even with some choices, I am shocked at the insanity that has crept into the medical world.  It is as nuts as all other governmental nonsense.  Insurance companies are apparently the devil.  At least some of them.  They write the laws that they pretend regulates their industry.  It is nuts.  The whole game.  I still think it is bizarre that you have to have permission to take medicines and drugs which you may feel you need.  Doctors are not God.  Many tend to prescribe what won't get them in trouble and which pharmaceutical companies push.

They seem to enjoy leaving people in pain if they come under any pressure.  I think it contributed to the death of my friend and coworker, Lynn.  Pretending to be worried about people getting hooked, or "abusing" pain killers, the state subsidized health outfit cut way back on what chronic pain sufferers could get.  In CA they can also get marijuana, but that only helps so much.  It does help many people.  So many strains and sativa this, indica that, etc.  that many conditions can be addressed without hugely stoning out the patient.

Lynn was in a lot of pain for various reasons.  And she was generally doing OK.  Then came the crunch and it was affecting her a lot.  Some withdrawal, and some was just how her maladies affected her when she could not avail herself of modern concoctions that allow people to function who otherwise couldn't due to friggin pain.  She was hurting but really trying to be OK.  I knew she was fatigued and not feeling well the night before her heart attack.  I cannot prove the medical world and the whims of socialized medicine in CA are to blame.  I do believe they played a role though.  In any case, I think they were saving money.

And people should realize that they are fine with you dying rather than costing money.  They only pretend to really want to give you free stuff so you will vote for the free stuff candidates.  In reality, you vote, you sign up for mandatory insurance and if you are highly subsidized based on income, you die.  That is how they set it up.  I swear.  They may not kill you outright, but they are not going to go out of their way to prevent your death if that involves much money or hassle.

Here I am, the guy who never wanted to be on any socialist government program.  Any government program at all, for that matter.  And I am finding ways, up to this point, to avail myself of subsidized insurance.  Just a little bit beyond free so I can have choices.  Not on the HMO model.  I have yet to find a primary care physician, ever since Dr. K sold his veterinarian practice.  He would not have been on my insurance anyway.  Still vets make good GPs if you want a reliable family doctor.

I'm having to claim I made a bit more than I may have made playing music.  It may be right, but probably not.  I didn't make that much at the resort.  Not a lot of hours really.  All I can handle right now.  Still, while I am working, I am generally not thinking about all that depresses me beyond belief.  Or, like today, I spend hours trying to cope with bouts of pruritus, not giving in right away, trying to prevent the acute attack.

 Eventually, if it doesn't get too over the top, it will subside somewhat.  I still had to do the scalding shower before I left.  That is not a normal way to live, I don't think.

Played with Valor and Lace at Lakeside VFW for awhile.  6:30 to 8:00.  More of a rehearsal than anything,

The whole game is to quit convincing myself I am worthless and that I criminally wasted my life and shouldn't even be alive because there is nothing to live for, etc.  Sounds very stupid and foolish right now.  But mostly I have to quit promoting that train of thought.  Hard to shut off.  The thing that saves it is trying to bring something worthwhile to people who play music with me.

And in dreading my trip to Austin to see family, if I can hope to bring something to that table that benefits them in some way, maybe it will get my mind off of how outside and less-than I feel.  I am probably angry, too.  Because I know my brother considers people like me--troubled youth, no kids, no permanent career--to be non-productive wastes.   He has said so, just not directly referring to me.  Anyway, I am not in my best, strongest frame of mind and body.  But I am hanging in pretty good in most ways.

OK.  I can do this.  Austin.  Besides, there are people on the edge of town who want me to play on New Year's eve.  This should be interesting.

This Friday--winter wonder jam festival at Cuyamaca College. With Enter the Blue Sky-Sande.  It is not a jam. It is a show. A minor production.  A line up of original groups or artists, with us being the hotshots, or so it seems to me.  Everyone had to audition to get a slot.  We have a good selection of songs.  On;y playing thirty minutes or so, but if it goes as planned we will get them moving, make them cry, then spontaneously combust with our last one.  I get to freak out in B minor.

Saturday afternoon,  Julian station with Valor and Lace, then that evening Pine House Cafe in Mt Laguna with Valor and Lace.  Out in the beautiful mountain country of east county.  That is where I go when I want to get some 6000 ft altitude.  Valor and Lace doesn't require me to let loose that much so O2 won't be an issue.  My mood is helped by altitude. Since I can remember I liked higher altitudes.

This is incredibly long I bet.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Maybe A Minute or Two of Good Cheer

Is living in pain really worth it?  I wonder.  It is appalling to me that officialdom has decided what relief is OK, and when people can have it.  And how much.  Imagine telling grown people, no you will just have to endure it.  I do not get that at all.  Better to be crippled with unrelenting pain than to be dependent upon substances which relieve the pain.  Really?

What are they going to do--protest?  They can hardly leave the house and are in no mood to organize or even talk to people when pain is bad enough.  But it works OK for most people and the greater good, blablabla.  The majority is fine. That is all that counts.  People are really screwed up when it comes to regulating life, and all else.

I think I may have cheered up for a couple of days.  I won't go back through whatever I wrote because that would likely bring on nausea and make it all worse.  I am not cheerful now.  I am more or less miserable, while maintaining full awareness that it could be exponentially worse.  It being my life.   Still, I can hardly do it any more.

Dec. 27 flight to Austin.  Jan 1 return.  How can I do it?  I would cancel if no money were involved. Nothing against others.  I just don't like gazing into any fragment of the mirror, and family is a fragment of the mirror.  I cannot accept who I am, how I got here, and what I am not.  Simply cannot accept it.  But apparently can't change it either.  And I am tired of this horrid isolation, even though I am often playing music here and there.

I do not even like music much.  And I am usually in pain of some kind.  So sick of that.  It is scary.  I wasted the most incredible thing anyone can experience, life.  Existence.

I won't write the two biggest mistakes that put me here.  No one really knows I guess, and few would care.  The problem is what to do and how at this point.  I'm still leaning toward the parasail.  No idea how to change everything all over again.

But I did have a glimmer of cheer for a few days.  That is something.

If one can truly believe in religion and the super natural, he has it made.  Any belief I may have must be weak because I feel no conviction.  If only I could have developed unshakeable faith before I dabbled in the dark arts of cynicism.

I see the value now.   Good place to find chicks but if you are uncomfortable around the overly religious, especially if they like to talk about it then religion is not the best place for you to find stability and refuge.

In life, those brewing and serving the koolaid are remembered, and those drinking it are just part of the body count.  Not remembered   But blind faith is bliss, and no one would know Jim Jones without the anonymous people who drank the koolaid and made it all possible.   They made him famous, so their faith and obedience were not for nothing. .

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Matters of State; of mind

It is strange how the political scene can swallow your mind like a drug.  There have been times when I felt it necessary to follow it all closely, even tossing $10 here and there for one campaign or another.   I even felt a little guilty for not doing more; felt I was honor bound to stand with the true freedom fighters.  [Hint: Che was not a freedom fighter]

Lately I have backed off considerably.  Enough to know that stuff is being debated with very little good information.  Also enough to know that once you pull away, the narcotic effect of the political game wears off and you wonder how you ever were affected by it. It seems foreign, unattractive and mostly fictitious once you step back.  I guess it is no surprise that it seems to be all those things, because that is what it is.

Political matters are important because that is the process creeps use to create a police state.  It is a pandering type of a game.  Even so, I can barely stand to even acknowledge the existence of such an intrusive amoral entity.   It has not always been so vile, I don't think, and I am sure it does not have to be like this.

But seriously, I cannot teach people to quit riding the bumper of the car in front.  How do I expect to influence the way they conduct wars and such?   Or make them give up power over almost everything.

I confess, I would feel better if there was someone worth voting for who would garner more than just my vote.  I don't know of a candidate who meets both those conditions.   The Republicans have to try to make Hilary look good.  They are doing it.  Here she is getting caught in one dirty trick after another yet the repubs look like the bad guys just because they are nuts.  And because they actually do play into the media's hands.  Bias is obvious, but the pattern of complaints is not useful.  They make themselves look stupid and goofy quite often.   I'm not sure why.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Shoot the Bird, and I sure do Play on Stage A Lot

So, I worked early today. Crack of dawn stuff.  But it was easy since I hedged my bet by getting it all done yesterday, so all I had to do was take care of minor odds and ends and help Jeanine if she needed it today.  I used to do it all the day people arrive.

The frequency, severity and discomfort of the bouts of pruritus(mad itch--sort of) taught me to take more days to ensure I wouldn't be caught having to short the quality of the job.  Yesterday I actually had some issue but I was under no pressure so I was able to experiment.  I did have to just chill for about an hour and a half, but I also just pushed at one point, telling myself that the pin pricks and racing itching thing were just lies, and that my body did not need to be feeling that because it was a false alarm; a complaint about something not there.

At any rate it is not like I have to take action on the pain or something will kill or maim me.  This may make no sense.  I just wanted to see if I could keep moving and wait out the attack.  I paced the activity so that I dod not force it to come on too hard.  It wasn't very hot out so the cooler weather helped.  It was rather wicked for awhile.  I was sure I was going to have to hit the scalding shower.

I did take two tylenol.  For some reason tylenol helps mitigate the intensity of these bouts for some people.  I am one, thankfully.   Like all this stuff, no one apparently knows why this helps.

Also what happens is these rap[id mini chills.  It is like a chill coming over me that doesn't quite make it. So it is like a chile beginning then fading then beginning again.  This cycles super rapidly.  So many similarities to what I remember of migraines as far as the way my body feels.  It is a kind of dissociative sensation.

I'M OFF TOPIC.  Ok.  So my experiment worked.  After a little over an hour of fighting it while I got some work done which involved light but consistent labor, the attack faded out.

It surfaces many times on days like today but without hitting any worrisome level of intensity.

I left there, then did rehearsal with Enter The Blue Sky, then I went to the Lakeside VFW to play their Wednesday night Thanksgiving Dinner with Valor and Lace.  This was a very enjoyable show.  Relaxed, informal and Richard Resonator was playing.  That makes it worthwhile right there.  Chris, the ex marine, was in great form and he and Emily were clearly having fun.

People seemed to like it.  It was just a fine night.  We only played from 6 to 8 with a healthy break so they could make announcements and such.

Now there is talk of a possibility of going to GITMO to play.  Ride on a military plane.  Ha!!  Can you friggin' believe it?  There is a 50/50 chance we'll play Cuba sometime next year.  Of course, there is a 50/50 chance it won't happen, too.  That would be incredible.  I know my friends would be cracking up and shaking their heads.  Me and Cuba.  It's a thing that seems inescapable. I really should own that Island.  I'd exile the Castros to Syria.

But first I have to play Hard Rock, downtown on Monday, then on the 4th it is the Cuyamaca College winter fest with Sande-Enter the Blue Sky, then the 5th I play the Pine House cafe in MT Laguna with Valor and Lace (Chris, Emily, Richard Resonator and JRod on bass).  I love Mt Laguna.  Can't wait to see this.  Then on the 13th, or is it the 17th? some kind of thing on Mt Helix.  So, I am playing  enough to possibly keep me out of trouble.  I feel like I should be more and use my mind blablabla.  But this is where I am .

I feel bad that both music groups get that look whenever the subject of the other group comes up.   I feel like a polygamist.   As a matter of fact, I have a whole new respect and understanding of polygamy now.  These are two very different styles of music.  Way different.   And each group offers a different sort of freedom.  I would gladly travel with either one if it paid.  But I'll do Cuba for free.  At least all else would be paid.  Wait.  What if it is a trick to lock me up as some imaginary threat.  I'd be stuck with those lunatics in there.  I guess I'll demand a koran and a special diet and a prayer rug.

I can't believe they are trying to trick me by holding up playing Cuba as bait.  Boy oh boy.  And they are all in on it!   Oh, yeah.  That was all a what-if.  First we have to get the gig.  Time to re-up the passport.  It expired.  When Richard said he was working on it and would I go, it was as if, for the first time in awhile, I had a reason to look forward to the future and something to strive for.  A reason to live.  It is good to have as many reasons to live as you can.  Some may drop out and having extras is helpful.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Oh No, Not the Turkey

Besides the twist to make Europeans out to be the spoilers of humanity, destroyers of the innocent, pristine perfect world, and defilers of the human spirit,  is that turkey thing.  Both of these annoy me greatly.

The annual presidential pardon for the turkey is upon us.  I barf more this year than I did last so I am ready.  It is the most un-American tradition ever.  It smacks of monarchy, totalitarianism, and just pure obnoxious nonsense.

Oh giver and taker of lives, please free this mutant bird who can't even walk because it is basically just a frame for growing meat.  Master of all, show mercy. And make it funny so news hacks can banter with their ethnically and sexually correct colleagues.   Haha, looks like that turkey is safe!  hahahahaha.

Looks like that turkey was grown in a research lab where they grow tissue for burn patients or skin grafts.
Fun times.  People have no idea how much they are manipulated.  None.  Just as they don't feel weird or not cool or normal.  All most people want is to fit in.

I can only hope I miss the event.  What a ridiculous bunch of nonsense.  I have to wonder how it started and why, and why we still do it.  The effect is a bigger image of omniscience.   And I think that is the goal, either consciously or subconsciously.  These are smart people, they know. They have to know.

People go right along, news creeps banter, then next thing you know they have a story about "seniors" cutting the grass or something.  The condescending tone and drippy condescending attitude ought to be legal grounds for beating them silly with suitable blunt instruments. Or just casting them off seaside cliffs into the pounding surf.   Their babbling could not be heard over the roar of the sea, which makes this a desirable spot, because he can think a bit, uninterrupted, here.

CMC; why abortion should be legal up to age 25 years

CMC is the abbreviation of some college near L.A..  Clare-MacLunacy College or something close to that.  Lucky me, I watched their student protest video for awhile.

The shutoff point for me was the guy in the Che T-shirt demanding that they make people get schooled in what constitutes islamaphobia, and how harmful it is, etc.  He wears the likeness of a mass murderer and he complains about people who think of islam as the religion of beheadings, rape,
stonings, draconian dress code, honor killing, suicide vests, indiscriminate murder, etc.

Some people think it has to do with the religion.  And some say no, those people hijacked the religion and the yelling of islamic slogans right when death occurs is just an example of it.  Not a thing you find much of.  Unless that figure of one in four muslims approving of the activities of terrorists who claim to be serving islam is correct.

I never believe that protestors wearing Che shirts have a clue about compassion, peace, rights or anything but force.  The protests going on are made up grievances for the most part.  Address the number of violent crimes blacks commit against everyone if you are going to play that race game. We know the numbers look bad if you actually find them.

But the truth is that everyone is and is not a victim.  You can over do the effort to find offences and end up persecuting innocent people.  When you introduce a false premise and then throw out everything that does not fit it, trouble will follow.  You have convinced a large number of people that they are oppressed victims and it is time to stand up.  That mentality then thinks any retaliation, violent or not is OK.  And lying cheating and stealing are also OK for the cause and because the oppressor or people who look like the imaginary oppressor deserves whatever they get.

Really.  These people are serious.  It is theater of the absurd once again..WTF nation.

Of color.  What does that mean?  Where do you draw the line?  If you are not of color, what are you of?  Students of transparency.  Has a ring to it; almost like Sons of Anarchy.

Momma don't take my monochrome away

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Whoa. These People Are Running; it is not just a sitcom

It is so hard for me not to be able to argue when I hear a progressive deriding republicans for something they probably never did.  But the republicans do so many really stupid, pandering things that I can't defend them.  It makes it look like the fascist progressives win.

Note how unbiased my writing is?  So did I.  Pandering is pandering.

Remember Bill Richardson, ex governor of New Mexico, when he was running in the democratic field?  Probably 2008 election.  He said he'd cure breast cancer in five years if he were to be elected.  He said it more than once.   The good old days when democrats gathered in packs and competed insanely, just like republicans are doing this year.
Ever since I saw him in that "cure cancer" debate, he has been the poster child, in my mind, of political pandering and an implied view that we are all hopeless nincompoops

Not all of them, actually, but enough.   While we have people pandering to snake handlers, tongue speakers, and potential neck tie party participants on the repub side, the democrats have managed to make Hillary look like a voice of reason and pillar of integrity.  And Bernie comes of as the no-nonsense even better voice of reason.

Hillary tries to buy votes as cheaply as possible.  Bernie doesn't care.  He throws out extravagant promises of cash.  All your loans forgiven. Free university for all.  Plenty of dough to raise a family for all.  Whatever.

I couldn't even retain some of the Huckabee notions among others.  The ones I can, I just don't want to repeat because dems will use it as evidence they are right.  But they aren't.  It's just that some crazy people disagree with them for wrong reasons.  The rest of us do because they'll create even more of a totalitarian state than we have.   And they adhere to economic theories that won't even work if we jump to the quantum level.

So they got upset about warning a caravan of truck drivers before bombing their trucks.  Now I do not know if our people suffered as a result.   If not, and it is true that the had reason to think the drivers were civilian and not active ISIS then fine.  But then I wonder, if they are hired to drive trucks with stolen ISIS oil to wherever the islamic state wants it to go,. then I would think isis already vetted them, force converted or whatever.  So, on one hand, it seemed a reasonable, humaintarian thing to do.  On the other it seems foolish.

Which hand is right?
or correct, I mean.  My right hand is right, of course, and left is left.

A World of Questions and Curiosities

One question is, I wonder what I posted below this.  I think the point may have been skewed or mistaken.  Maybe not.

I have no idea, really, what the essential facts are in the whole refugee deal. The basics appear to be being dodged.  Why no real info on demographics, ons and outs of options and reasons for choosing one over another, etc.

All that is to say, I do not know what's what so how can I even have much of an opinion on the matter?  I have my gut feelings and knee jerk reactions but based on almost zero real info.  So that is unreliable.

Here's what is very bizarre, if you consider it; ANONYMOUS.  How did they settle on the look and the logo?  Or even the mask?  What if they had adopted Frankenstein masks?   No way that would be cooler.  I think they did well, personally--the whole Guy Fawkes deal.  I believe they can do a lot to digitally cripple the insane state.  Let's hope our government can avoid sabotaging all efforts to contain the enemy.

Who would have dreamed that organizations which seem like something out of a comic book would actually be powerful, potentially dangerous entities?  Anonymous is just that.  It seems like there are other examples of real live comic book villains and heroes but none come immediately to mind.

Comic book not to be mistaken for cartoonish.  Almost all the self-titled "public servants" and "leaders" in local through national government are cartoonish.  That's different.

What if Anonymous is actually the brain child of the CIA, or other clandestine spook outfit?   And maybe they figured out how to make it a loose sort of hive, with all kinds of brilliant hacksters.  My word I guess.

That would be an interesting twist.   A way of leveraging power without a trail or record, and without the need for agency and other constraints.  Not saying I approve, but I could see devising such a plan if I were in the position to do so.  I understand that sort of thing.  Also, I would expect it to be done so that the President is unable to hijack it.  A way of wielding power when necessary, and it is out of the reach of most.  And most of the time the power is not wrongly aimed.  But I do think it can and will happen.

I have now talked myself into half believing I know who secretly controls anonymous.  But I don't know that I care.  I do like it that they are publicly calling out isis, and that after the islamic state called them idiots they destroyed something like 5500 isis member accounts of various types; mostly ones used for propaganda like twitter and facebook.  

Geez. Twitter.  Tweets.  Facebook.  We do live in a comic book world.

So, I guess I am a member of two musical groups.  One is country. Sort of Texas Country.  The practice room has a big Texas flag at the end.  To me, that was ten points for the group right there.

And the other group is hard to class.   We are somehow classed as Americana.  Maybe that is my fault. I could think of no others category.  I think that may be a bit off.  Anyway, this group plays just about all original music and I don't know what it is.  I like playing it.  No Texas flag but there is a connection to Tennessee since Sande's mother lives outside of Memphis and she plays there when she visits, which she did a couple of weeks ago.  Got paid to do two or three hours on her own.

A vietnam war vet was telling me how the psychological help has improved.; "yea tyhey quit doing this shit about how my childhood and my parents are to blame for my problems.  Hell, my f'ing parents didn't send my ass to VietNam.  My parents didn't do it!  What am I angry at?  The US government!"  Or words to that effect.

I am convinced that dishonest wars exact a much higher toll on service people's psyches.  If the goal and purpose of the fight is hazy, that has got to be tension generating.

Man, Richard Resonator returned form Nashville for some song writing veteran thing.  I knew that rubbing shoulders with some professional song writers and number one artists would probabl;y make him jump his playing up a notch just from the confidence boost.  I wasn't wrong.

Not that he wasn't already good.  Just a little better.  Or else I am.  Or both.

I'm pulling slowly up out of the hopeless sadness depression confusion.  Not a place you go if you are looking for fun.   Anyway, I can feel it.  It is somewhat of a relief.

I believe there were a couple of times last night, when I played in a way that surprised even me.

Oh, we played the Alpine VFW.  My old friend "the cowgirl up the hill" works there part time managing the bar and got us the gig.  I put her on to Sande but maybe I had something to do with it.

Individually, I think maybe some of us have played better, but as a group, we did better than ever,  And there was something happened on a song where I let loose pretty much all through it, something and then I saw the cowgirl and another girl go wow --reading lips now.  It surprised me too.  Can't describe what it was but it was pretty rad.

Alpine VFW is high up just north of I-8.  The view out the back deck is fantastic.  You can see the mountains and hills just that side of my place.

Then today, I played a place called Julian Station---outside historic, touristy Julian---with Valor and Lace (country).  This is different than playing with Sande.  Of course, it should be.  It was good to have Richard there playing.  It makes me better I think.  He's an intuitive and communicative player. Makes all the difference in the world.

I think the women in each band view the other band with suspicion.  However, they know they have to hide any negative attitude.  Sick as it is, and I definitely avoid feeding any insecurities and such, but I do like that they feel a little possessive.

Friday, November 20, 2015

The Truth About The Syrian Refugee Controversy

That's the automatic title if you share this to blogger direct from youtube.  I don't know if it is all true or mostly true or what.  So -- not really my claim that you see there in the title.

The figures may or may not be accurate.  I have little doubt that the relative values are probably in line.  All he is really saying is that it is cheaper and kinder to relocate refugees in the Middle East where culture, language and many other factors represent a better fit.  And we are talking cheaper on the order of only a tenth the cost of bringing them here, and that doesn't take into account many factors.

I am not real firm regarding who comes and goes, except I do not get carting people across the globe just so we can strain the infra structure and resources of the lucky cities and towns involved.

Positions reversed, I would want to be located in a culture which is as close as possible to my own, and nearby so I can plot possible return to my home or overthrowing the riffraff.  But let's say the Chinese decide they want to show compassion by shipping me into China, where I do not know squat.  That would be bizarro, and I would not like it.

So what is the game here?  Lots of talk of widows and orphans but what is the actual demographic, and why is the US the destination?   I honestly do not know.  I don't mind immigrants in general.  I do mind people who come here, then bitch because we don't meet their expectations and demands.

I remember a Cuban lady in a store in Miami, in the 1970's, telling a middle aged American woman (known as "anglo" in local lingo), "You better learn Spanish if you want get by in OUR city!"[accent and intonation not shown]  Because the angla did not speak the refugee's language.  I cannot imagine being taken in, given refuge and more by a country, and then bitching at them, even if they were a jerk country.

But we encourage this, and people who question what is happening are painted as lacking empathy.   I understand that there are some distasteful reactions going on; suggestions that don't hit the root of the issue.  Or make good Constitutional sense or demonstrate intelligent foresight.

Simple questions ought to be answered, I would think,  Why not settle people there?  The Mid East is a large place.  North Africa is a big chunk of land.

I do disagree with the reasoning that the problem is that there could be terrorists among the multitude of immigrants.  (Even though I have no doubt this is a highway for blood thirsty lunatics as presently designed)  My thinking is that this should be a moot point, at least until we know, "why here?'.  That is not a lack of compassion.

But be careful about that "there could be a trouble maker hidden in that group of X many".  The reason I say it is that it can be turned on you.   It can be turned so we have to prove innocence more than we already do.  And that is a recipe for some people running rough shod over others, legally.

And it diverts attention form the real matter at hand; why are they seeking refuge?  Where is the closest place they can go?  How are they getting there?  What is the demographic mix here; men, women, children, families, etc.?  Approach it like any problem.  And then look rationally at moral imperative and least damaging solutions.

Some Americans are old enough to remember when we were extraordinarily hospitable to refugee groups, at great cost and sacrifice to the community.  Having those immigrants or self hating Americans claim we are lacking compassion, and that we are horrible, ignorant bigots, is not acceptable.   It is a lie and that is that.  Especially when you look at the relative scale of hospitality to refugees and riffraff alike over the decades compared to the rest of the planet.   It's a bitch relocating to most countries.  They discriminate like crazy and make it tough.  But they all find room for money.

We've been so benevolent.   I know people who graduated in certain aspects of computer science, at just the wrong time, to find themselves without opportunity.  In many cases companies hired Indians and others with plenty of experience for far less than our experienced people were getting paid, and they have a special type of work visa they get.  It is a form of corporate welfare, even though some may see it differently.  In certain a specialized IT related fields this drastically reduced the market for entry level personnel.

Not sure how I think on that particular wrinkle, however, those who prefer to feel compassionate rather than to actually be compassionate,  maybe will like that.  To them jobs and wealth are all on a seesaw. They don't quite get it, but that's OK.

The point is, what is the dang deal?  Even this stuff of checking religion and all that is nothing but smokescreen, playing on emotion and not answering the initial why questions.  I have no idea who gains by doing it how the administration wants to do it, or what is being gained.  You can be sure, though, that when a thing like this gets railroaded on appeals to everything but simple reason, a scam is afloat and the collateral damage in annoyance and costs of every ilk-monetary, emotional, moral, survival, etc.-will make waves for some time.

It may not be like huge disaster and all that.  But still, why?

Maybe I am half a veteran

I thought no one ever bothered with my blog any more so I just ended up writing long meandering introspective, disjointed posts.  It is the sadness that chases me, and the whole depression experience that has been a worry lately.

But then someone put a sort of ad out.  A link to this lovely life story, written between and beside the lines.  Now I feel pressure.

I started to write about the strangeness of playing music with PTSD recovering Marine vets who came out of the music therapy program.  It is a new thing, and it works wonders.  Why I seem more shell shocked than they do, I don't know.  I was a reservist.  At one point, a man without a base.

That last part is a long story, but the cool part was that they encouraged me to find a base and, in the event of an emergency, report to the post office.  I guess the post office would then ship me to some Air Force outpost.  Never happened, and one day I received an honorable discharge in the mail.

All that was post Vietnam and pre Mideast build ups and televised, video-game looking assaults.  My one item of gratitude in all that is that there is no draft.  The Draft was a horrible thing.  If you had an unlucky number, your life choices, at an age when you have no idea what they should be, are drastically narrowed.  I am blown away that people volunteer, considering the quality of people who direct where they will be deployed.

But in Vietnam thousands upon thousands of slave soldiers died.  Other injuries and collateral damage is incalculable.  And they were treated poorly by many of the same hypocrites who now blubber and fawn every time they see a person in uniform.  I don't get it.  I think it just makes some of the real deal, like the ex sniper who I back up musically, feel more isolated and apart.  I don't know, but I don't really thank anyone.  I don't send anyone to fight where I would never go, either.

My policy would likely be slightly different than what we have done in the Mideast for many decades.  I wish I better understood the motives because nothing I hear rings true from top to bottom.

Guys like my friend fight to protect their brothers and sisters in arms.  What else is there when the big picture is not all that clear and they are in lands peopled by insane and hysterical populations?

Anyway, back when I was discharged, reservists got zip for their six year obligation in the way of benefits.  I wonder if they make some of it retroactive now.  I know they did decide to give benefits since they have misused the guard units and such, sending them abroad (guard was supposed to be the modern day militia whose job is to protect the domestic side of things. DEFENSE).  Sick.  Really sick.

The good thing is that we don't have 100,000 dead from our excursions to win the hearts and minds of the heartless and mindless lunatics in various hell holes over there.   That doesn't do much for those who come back in pieces or emotionally shattered.  One day in that part of the world, wearing a uniform, and I'd be a basket case.  Or I think I would.

I did it again--rambled and made it too long.  If I think anyone really reads this, I will do better.  It will help me cure the blues which have made me wonder if I lost control of my mind a time or two.  I think I am getting a grip again though.  So many people are crazier and way more annoying than I am, so I should not feel like the biggest waste of space since the largest part of the city of Memphis, and Graceland.  Graceland is a serious ripoff and disappointment.  Sun Studios is the tour you want. Little hole in the wall and the best tourist thing in Memphis.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

They Say It Is Never Too Late, but are they right?

Slogans and short little catchy phrases have been the staple of modern logic and philosophy for a long time.  "Where there's smoke there's fire!!".   That means if you get accused of something then you must be guilty.

As many people may have noticed, sometimes smoke can be present, but fire does not happen.  Ignore that though, because we need these non truths in order to do whatever it is we do.  "If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem".   That means if you do not do as I say or agree with me, then you are part of the problem and it is OK if we shoot you.

So many more of these gems are being cast over the sea of general nonsense that passes for current affairs, that I can't even keep up.  We actually dance around offensive words like 'THE N-WORD".  Just don't use the word.  I do not like it a bit.  I did not like it when I was working with people who used it.

They were black so that made it cool.  But I told them I did not want to here it and they were playing a racist game with all the "give a nigga a break" talk to one another while I am right there.  But somehow it is twisted into the consciousness that ethnicity is a value and that normal values are different depending upon your condition of birth.

Just like violence is considered impolite, but if you stop traffic with no regard for the health and needs of those strangers, it is OK because you have a "good cause".   If you are part of an angry mob using such force, you are revered as courageous as long as you claim you are in some way a victim.

So, clearly, conventional wisdom  and slogans are not strong philosophical elements which can really stand the test of reason and right.  And that brings me back to suspecting that it really is too late for me.  If it is, what now?  Bring on the parasail and 15000 feet altitude, we'll ad lib the rest.

I want to change this condition and lifestyle.  Drastically.  I did quit smoking and, long before that, I quit drinking.   But I live in a state of fear that I am losing it, and will never de-isolate, find meaning, and do it well.   It is an unknown variable here.

Aside from that, I read a comment somewhere in which the commenter said that the Oxford comma is an insult to the reader.  OK, I thought,  if a reader is insulted by a comma, perhaps he is not someone I am targeting with my writing, so I should just comma away and hope to drive off such pompous dweebs.  Really?

Sometimes English majors, and Music majors can affect the sort of nerdism that will never ever be cool.  They lose the soul of the content by becoming overly enamored with their grasp of the form and esoteric notations and such.   The rules and regulations are necessary and nice but the infatuation with inside knowledge of terms, etc. can be annoying.  Like a cop who has no idea why he is writing a ticket, ignoring the reality of things around him or the needs and condition of his victim.  Sometimes you let it go.

Anyway, comas, punctuation, unusual time signatures, and other nonsense are more important to some than others.  I still hope, that if I am ever read by many people, that I offend those who find particular comma placement insulting.  And I hope they go away and we never meet.  It's probably something to do with the Mr Bobo syndrome.  He said I was tone deaf.  Lots of teachers thought I was an idiot.  They were half right.  They just missed the savant aspect.

Oh, and if you want to annoy people with your culture and beliefs by making it hard for them to ignore you, and you want to make them look bad because you annoy them, just add the suffix "phobic" or "phobia" to whatever your tag is.   That way, if you are being rude and pushy with it, you can just accuse those offended of being ____phobic.  Yay.

Monday, November 16, 2015

No Good Side

Whereas I do believe the incessant self hatred of the progressive political class is at the root of the resurgence in racial hatred, I recognize that there are some real fools in all camps.

Some people sound like they are all ready to ride with the sheriff's posse and go get the bad guys.  "Let's have a neck tie party!", they shout while spinning a lariat rope.   I have to wonder why, if the whereabouts of the IS is known are people only now showing any serious resolve to wipe them out.

Or have they never known what is what and are we flailing in the dark?  I doubt it.  But if not, then something makes no sense.  Why would you wait until this?  Surely a political thing, and that means a person or persons high up is willing to compromise his values.

We Have Been PC Thinking Ourselves Right Over the Edge

Here's the deal.  I don't like funerals very much.  But I do go to those of friends and relatives.
I don't not go to funerals around town just to show solidarinosc and assure them that I do not think my friends and relatives matter more than theirs.

I feel more of a connection with Europe than I do with the MidEast.  Just the way it is. heritage, genealogy, who knows.  Also I tend to expect a lot of blowing up in the mid east. Not sure where that idea came from.

It just works out that I am more upset when Paris gets attacked than I am about cities which have less in common with whatever home is.   That does not mean I am thrilled about any of it.  I have wondered how all the players over there could let this band of lunatics rise to such power.  I suspect we've armed them indirectly.

But to get upset because we tend to mourn our own more intensely than we do the misfortune of strangers is to be searching for yet another excuse to play superior to one's people by vilifying them for their natural compassion.  Hate your own people because they react naturally.  These other places are certainly not as sympathetic toward others as they are their own.

Another of the self hating white people trying to pander so they can be cool and glom on to the victimhood of minorities.   If they do it just right, no one will notice that they are white, or even rich and white.  It is almost an Uncle Tom horse of a different color.  

I mean, why be so race obsessed?  I suspect it is the only way they can sooth their secret angst at their true feelings of superiority. They will lead the poor, ignorant other minorities against the white, Mr. Man devil.   Kind of like musical chairs.  Can't parse it down much further, although the lbgt contingent managed to get some traction there.

If I were famous, I could not say this.  It would be taken wrong in many circles anyway.

You cannot fix racism or oppression with more racism and oppression.  Affirmative action has been a big step in that direction.  The shaping of the culture has encouraged it.  And now we wonder why students consider it peaceful as long as they are in control or the ones being heard.  Never mind all the violations of the rights of others.  In their minds, if you disagree with them, you are evil, and trying to kill them, so any form of retaliation is OK.  Standard victim mentality fare.

It is embarrassing what people say and do.  The upset that Paris got such attention is twisted.  Do you think the Chinese see it as we do?  Probably not.  France is not a big deal to them in that way.  Doesn't mean they are happy about it.  Now, I know the self haters can't say anything bad about China, and it is just human nature for what I said to be true.  So, how can you argue with that?

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Here we go

I deleted the page.  No use even trying to say anything.  The responses people get for saying anything about Paris, other than whining because Europeans and Americans have more interest in Paris than Somalia or Beirut, cause me to thing free speech is a thing of the past and so is reason.

It is a waste to even bother.  It is like trying to reason with a mob.  Doesn't work.  But I wonder

Why are the people leaving Syria not going to nearby Islamic states?  If it is just the small faction who do the violence, then there are closer stops.  And if they come here why would we encourage retaining the culture?  The culture seems conducive to mass mischief which ends poorly.   Maybe I don't get it.

But I do not go other places and try to make them bend to my ways, either.  Most people must do it otherwise

Saturday, November 14, 2015

What Is With The Stubborn Progressive Koolaid Kult?

So, I see lots of French flags now on facebook.   Just like the rainbow thing people did to show solidarinosc with same-same marriage, even though they are not in that condition.  Hate to say it but I think it is nonsense.  But I also don't think it is the job of the federal government to involve itself in marriage other than when contracts are involved.  Marry your car, I do not care.  So, I see it as an intrusion that it ever got to court because I think it is a power overstep.

But my way would require wiping out the majority if not all of the tax code, and plenty else.

Now, I look and we have the French solidarinosc, and I get that, sort of.  These symbolic gestures are dandy, but if you then turn around and ridicule those who suggest the muslim influx and segregated sharia law zones may set the groundwork for trouble, I think you are naive.

I see responses that say things like, yea, ok, pray for Paris, but what about all these people walking a thousand miles and no one wants to let them in?  and on and on. It is nuts, really nuts.  Some progressive spin to ignore the fact that there is a pattern to these events.  It is not just random people.

It is as if they want to ignore the fact that a well orchestrated act of terror and mass murder occurred, and further, to ignore any information regarding the perps.  Just bizarre.  But let someone post a year old pic on facebook, claiming it just now happened on campus--like the fecal swastika--did not even happen in context we been hearing--and oh my god, no talk of Lebanon and Iraq now.

The thing I saw went on and on about how awful it is that people suggest that the flood of islamic immigrants may in any way influence domestic tranquility, as if that was actually a bigger crime than mass murder in the name of alah 'n' 'em.

How bizarre to all of a sudden hijack an undeniably sick, backwards, act of murder and cruelty in order to deride those who most vehemently decry such acts.  How dare they condemn mass murderers and their sanctuaries when babies are suffering in refugee camps?  WTF?

If this were a series of microaggressions rather than full tilt slaughter, I suppose then those koolaid addled progressive, humanity hating types would be a little more upset and sympathetic to the victims and their families.

The writer of this little essay was so upset that Paris received more attention and sympathy on line that bombings in Beirut and Baghdad.  I unapologetically care more about Paris, and Europe, in general, than I do about Lebanon or Iraq.  For one thing, Lebanon and Iraq are pretty much in the thick of the world of islam and its various splinter factions.  We expect them to blow up one another because that is what happens a lot.

Granted, many Lebanese and Iraqis are fine peaceful people who have probably never even participated in a stoning.  Apparently not enough are of that ilk that they create free and peaceful places which do not allow any such activity.  In any case, mourning the fact that the news in the free world is more concerned with Paris than Baghdad is nuts.  Just ridiculously nuts.

I want to go to Beirut and complain about what they find of interest if it doesn't include me.

I'm afraid to set foot on a college campus because I am, no doubt, a walking bundle of micro-aggressions and triggers.  The students would either be in tears or would burn me at the stake.  That is how the victim thing works; any brutality the self proclaimed victims inflict is OK because they got dibs on being the oppressed.

I expect a lot of insanity from stubborn progressives who always start at the point of creating a victim class and a pretend oppressor class that they hate; a class on which they declare open season. Amazing.  So sorry that the opposition is mostly comprised of cartoonish panderers who hurt the cause of sanity, even though they are somewhat saner than the koolaid drinking progressive, lockstep, nazi-like narrow minded misanthropes.

Anything remotely western or european or, God forbid, American seems to trigger a kneejerk reaction of disapproval, hatred, ridicule.  And that is from european-Americans.  The ones who think if they pretend to hate white people that blacks and Mexicans won't beat them up or kill them.  Maybe they'll even accept them as cool if they pretend to hate themselves enough.  Lame idiots.

I'm going to find a safe place where none of my thoughts are challenged, the 1% can't get me, and no one will trigger me or micro assault me.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Social Commentary; the surly bonds of comm device hubris

So, this guy, on the face booking, who has obviously done it right, is visiting his son in Colorado on an idyllic mountainside, in a two or three story wooden, chalet sort of place.  He sees some birds, black with white stripes, and he asks if anyone knows what kind of bird it is.

Just a simple question.  Had I known, I would have left the information in a comment.   Someone left a comment.  I thought, oh good, I will discover the type of bird because I am now curious.

But NO!  This person says, get xyz app.  It is free and it tells you bird types.  WTF?  Do you have the app.?  If so, why do you not look up the bird he posted in the pictures, then share the info.  If you care to you can inform him about the app that has this info.  He may not want to add an app.  And he might.  Would a friend withhold the info just to force him to comply?

I would be ticked if someone gave me "There's an app, go get it" in answer to a question. That is a snarky, annoying answer.  If anyone does this, you have my permission to slap them and kick them to the curb.

No, Education Involving Others is Not a Right

I feel your pain.  Debt sucks, and look at all the privilege and such, and bad viewpoints that need squashing on campus.  Who wouldn't be happier without debt, worry, and hurt feelings?

So, I am with you but wait until I buy some stuff on credit then we can wipe out all debts and give me some free education.

Geez.  How hard is it to realize that anything which requires action from others is NOT A RIGHT?  Education, in the context of this protest, requires people to teach, buildings, maintenance, books, etc. It is not a right if you make them teach you for nothing.  You are trying to enslave others to suit your fancy.  How can that be so tough to see?

Obviously, public education failed, and your parents failed, if you thought taking on thousands and thousands in debt to get a degree in ethnic victimhood, or gender confusion and anger, or almost anything might not leave you wealthy soon after graduating.  

It is unkind to encourage student loans and all that without really shining some light on the downside of gambling.  Just because you think you are going to make tons of money in four years, based upon today's trends, does not mean it is not a serious gamble. Laws, governments, privilege leveling, and any number of unknown factors can queer the deal, and certainly have in the last thirty years.   

When I was that young I was just wanting somewhere to mark time so I borrowed because it was easy.  Took awhile to pay it. Glad I wasn't crazy enough to get into the debt common today. 

No true right demands anything on the part of others except that they don't infringe on your rights.  People try to parse words and pretend that personal boundaries are not implied in the concept of allowing others to live as they choose.  If you choose to live in a way that forces others to hear you or see you with no escape, you are violating rights, not exercising them.  Got no right to force others,  That is how rights work.  

Now, someone or a group may choose to give you an education but you have absolutely no right to demand that they do so free of charge.  Why can't you work free?  You want $15 an hour minimum no matter what.  Hypocrite!!  You want others to provide you with services for free, then you bitch about wanting more pay.  Got to treat them the same as you want to be treated.  The equality thing.

Good to know that baby boomers weren't the only generation that was dumb enough to spout idiocy in public.  I did not like VietNam or the draft, but these idiots were pushing nonsense and calling draftees all sorts of vile names.  The rewrite of history painting protestors as altruistic, informed, highly moral philosophers is a big lie.  They wanted dope and willing young women, and the girls wanted to be seen, and to have an excuse.  Harsh, sexist sounding, but it is true.  People know it, but won't own up to it.

So now, how about forgetting the wasteful loans I took because I am not ready for the workplace and life is confusing?  I wouldn't expect otherwise.  Fun is out of the question because there is too much chance of offending someone.  Or worse yet, what if you have fun and it can be shown that it is only because of your white privilege?  

The truth is that people, and I use the term loosely, tend to get on the victim wagon (and/or the guilt wagon) which suspends all morals, and they claim to be correcting oppression by instituting the very same cruelty they decry. But now they are the oppressors so it is OK.   I thank baby boomers and "the greatest generation" for getting this ball rolling.  The greatest did win the last war that had any definition or apparent goals.  Give them that.  Most were kids who had no clue what was what, but they had learned some about work and roles in life meant something.  It was less confused.

Then they came home and raised brats and spawned confusion.  Fueling that confusion has become a national effort ever since.  It got me.  It won, I lost.  Maybe why I hate the sixties so much.  If I had ignored it, and if my parents from the greatest generation had given me even a clue, life would probably not be so sad.  As it is I took on their sadness and guilt and never got rid of it.  And I am scared to death now.

I find it very hard to interact, in reality.  I fake it some, and just play a little music to be around people.  But I am sinking.  Maybe that is why I find the ptsd military people easy.  They make sense to me and I feel comfortable there.  To a point. 

I may just rent a truck, empty the place out so I can clean it. Drop all at the dump and cash it in.  The external mess is something I have to eliminate first.  

So now we have more confused post high school people being fed lies and being treated like this nonsense makes sense; being told education is a right, that all we have to do is make those meanies who hoard money pay.  They are told that it is unfair if they are white, heterosexual, and not physically or mentally impaired in any way.  It is downright oppressive and you should be punished.  There has been some truly unkind and cruel oppression in history.   Making it cool to then torture others is not a good long term fix.  It just continues the yoyo deal.  So does lying.

Europeans did not invent slavery and Americans weren't the biggest offenders ever.  None of that changes the pain of those who were abused.  But truth is truth.  Irish were enslaved, as were most groups sometime in their history.  Does not speak well of humans that this has happened.  Truth sucks.  Like Ferguson.  No hands up don't shoot scenario ever occurred, but that interferes with the money making anger pandering.   As dumb as people are, I don't think free education will help.  There is an army of dimwits calling the shots in higher education.  How you clear that out, I do not know.  

Maybe if they are forced to teach for free or for minimum wage they will go away.  The ones I know can do some good things but promote the PC nonsense to absurdity, all the while patting themselves on the back publicly for doing such a "high calling".  I like teachers who don't constantly brag about their superior worth in the world.  I don't know any, though.  And I disagree.  I only had few teachers who did not do everything but kill me in some way. I do thank those few.

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Like spring on a summer's day


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