Monday, July 19, 2010

Changeling Gypsy

The more I attempt not to try to fit molds that just don't work, the more I find some of my choices and attitudes toward what I want shifting. It is not easy to explain exactly what that means, probably because I don't care to divulge every detail.

For some reason, I have spent a lifetime confused over how to fit myself into polite and 'normal' society. What is craziest about that is that I usually get along with people, enjoy more trust and affection in ways than I would ever expect. Yet, I'm inwardly more confused about the way of things than seems reasonable.

What is cool about the last few years is that I'm finding it easier to accept where I am and what I am, even though I still don't know what. It is that feeling that I need to justify my existence and choices which is fading. Some things stay constant, and some don't.

How this relates to the Texas tour is unknown. Oh, just brought that up out of nowhere. It is only a feeling, but I think there is a connection there. I'm becoming increasingly excited about the prospects of a road trip. It takes money so I am determined to find a way to earn enough as quickly as possible.

At first I thought I had great opportunity to earn a lot in the next few weeks but it seems that some projects I was ready to do did not resonate well with the house manager when I mentioned them, on the phone just minutes ago. There is still work, but the specifics are not as thought, or so it seems.

Can't worry about that. A few nights on the gigolo circuit ought to make up for that. I'm seeking blind clientele who aren't too good with seeing with their fingers. Bound to be a ton of women in that category who have tons of money and an indiscriminate libido which is only active if they are paying top dollar. Yes, I know that makes me a bit whorish, but what the heck. It is all a part of liberating the sexes.

One thing has not changed--I still think air conditioning is one of the best inventions ever, even though I do not have it here on Ballistic Mountain, and restrain from using it most of the time in the car--saving fuel.

Believe it or not, I do remain silent at times

Just now something came to my attention and I had plenty to say. But I didn't comment. Let sleeping dogs lie. Or lying dogs sleep. There was no lying involved in this instance. Just ghosts.

It is not easy to play like you are with it when you know you have never been. Maybe it comes from that ringing in the ears. That has been there so long I don't ever recall not having it. The main time it is a bother is when they do advertisements designed to make you notice it, and when I am outside in a woodsy setting or on Ballistic Mountain. It is tough to tell if there are an abundance of crickets chirping or if it is just the usual noise produced internally.

I want to ride thermals in some sort of hang glider that would keep climbing indefinitely. I wonder how high I could go before passing out. And if I did lose consciousness, what would happen next? Probably wake up as I approached land or hit a mountain or tree. It's would be worth finding out.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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