Thursday, June 27, 2013

Trudging On In Spite of Anti-Me: Coping Method

This new me phase really is a new ball game.  Although I can feel as blue as night, I am less overwhelmed by things that most people don't find so daunting.  Even when in the doldrums, like lately, I've continued to find projects and do work.

In the midst of doing these things, my mind is occupied with trying to work out better solutions or just getting it done.  The big difference is that I'm not stuck in so much second guessing that it takes me forever to start the task, whatever it may be.

The inexplicable barrier which causes me to almost fear getting started has plagued me for eons.  It could often be a case of over analyzing some simple thing forever.  I'm not sure.  Maybe I worry I don't know what I'm doing, it won't be good enough, or I imagine the task and lose sight of where and how to start and keep going.  Whatever it is, I'm not as much affected by it these days.

Part of it is that I'm doing things that I know the landlord would like to see done.  When all else fails, do something for someone else that neither demands nor expects it.  They are out of town, so having the goal of doing certain things before their return helps.

Then I am able to transfer that ambition, every now and then, to things I know I should want done for myself.  When it comes to my stuff, I do not have the same emotion and drive.  The transfer of momentum works for awhile.  Even though my own matters seem numbing and evoke no passion, switching into that lane while I'm on a roll results in a little progress.

All that may sound silly, but I think it is good to know in case a person has similar glitches and built in barriers to making the most of the ability and resources at hand.  How do you know you are intelligent if you don't use it to any obviously constructive purpose?  So, I put little weight on raw intellect.  It pays not to be dumb as a rock, which some people are.  No intelligence can be mitigated by a good heart, I guess.  Wasted intellect is just a waste, and not a very uplifting condition.

The important thing is probably a combination of process and end product.  Ends rarely justify means.  If the means aren't honorable, that is no good.  If the means involve force against the innocent, no good.  That is why I am opposed to big protests which stop traffic and damage property.  You have no right to impede the mobility of strangers just because you have a cause.

Anyway, there is a lot to be said for enjoying the process whatever the ends.

So, work, both that which pays and that which is done because it needs doing, is a good key to not letting the blues negatively impact your efforts to live.  There is satisfaction in seeing a job completed well, even if it is a small job.  Plus it slides you through time so you don't cuss yourself all day for being you.
Think I'll go play at Lestats on Monday.  I played that once with the Orange Pickers.  This time a friend said he was going with a lady named M**** and that she would like "talented backup".  I found her on his facebook friends list.  I don't think I've ever heard her.  From photos of her on her page I can safely say I'm on board.  What a knock out.  Heck yea I'll back you up.  Is that shallow?

I find that I have no prejudice against pretty people.   I like it that some people are highly attractive.  Some people aren't so attractive and I do not hold that against them.  There are some relatively homely women who become plenty attractive once you get to know them.  But I wouldn't discriminate against beautiful just in case it makes less beautiful feel bad.   When beautiful is not nice or really dull then the looks aren't enough.

That's the way it is; how we've evolved.  I feel I have to give a big explanation and an implied apology for saying someone is stunning to look at.  It does not please me that I've been so conditioned that I'd do such a thing.

This one is probably way too young and not into whatever I am.  I still have some sense.  I talk a big game but rarely act on it, and almost never in a premeditated manner.

What a world. Only one I know.

When it comes down to it, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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