Saturday, June 7, 2014

Must Be a Miracle

The last day and a half has been entirely free of the itch and burn syndrome.  My face doesn't feel the way it would if I were doing a handstand or hanging upside down. I don't know when I've gone ths length of time without trouble.  I was able to get in some physical activity-mostly in the form of playing music with friends and strangers.

I went to a place last night which was the perfect set up.  Mostly people I don't know, but some players early on who do know me and asked me to sit in.  A guy who does recording and production, and also is a good performer wanted my info as a reference for when he needs harp on recording.  The are hundreds of other harp players around but most people claim I'm different.  That seems to be working out.

So I am glad I dared to go down there last night.  Most days I've been too prone to attacks with just very minor activity.   I think it is because I vowed to myself to keep my balance on the positive side from now on.   Even when the sadness is overtaking me, which it likes to do.

G sent me a message that he and another guy were heading to the ranch to play this afternoon, so I took the chance and met them there.  I forgot that Coppercreek group from here on the mountain was going to the Moose Club jam this evening.   Word reached me via smarty phone, so I left the ranch about 7:30 and headed out there.

When I arrived, other people were playing who wanted me to play.  Then our group played with some others sitting in.  I may be wrong but I thought we sounded pretty good.  I cannot remember the last time I felt this good and able to be active without heavy consequences.  The bloated stomach, breathing weirdness, itch burn, all of it has remained at bay all day.  I still feel a little something luring under the surface but this is nothing like recent days.

Many people think it is foolishness and bunk, but too bad.  I like science and have a knack for it, or used to when  tried.  But I'll take miracles any time I can get one.  And who cares what people think?  What if this means cell counts and abnormalities are balancing out and giving up the strangeness?    If that happened, the next tests will come back unremarkable, and this era will be a thing of the past.

Whatever is bringing this feeling of improvement, I'll take it.   Today was better than yesterday.  I still detect some of what seems not right, but it may be fading dramatically.  Or with no drama.

There is more to life than meets the eye, no matter who says otherwise.  I won't define what that is, but obviously there are unknown forces and initiatives at play in the real of all that is.  Big bang all to pieces if you like, but explain to me what's up with the thought behind that. Or the accident of it all.  Clearly to pretend that knowledge is there when it isn't is bad science.  Theories serve to describe things in the best ways we can which seem to predict relatively narrow outcomes. They are frequently improved, changed, or replaced.

I'll be glad to call this all a mental breakdown resulting in imagined troubles which, through mind over matter, created  own issues and odd test readings.   I'll know otherwise but I won't care if others o.

What if it really lasts?  The Dr flatly said, "No, it won't just disappear as quickly as it came", when I asked.  But he doesn't know how it is in my world.  I'm getting ahead of myself. I had a good day or so, and maybe that will become the norm.  Yes or no, I feel changed somehow.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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