Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Old Mirror Deal

First, I have to say that I managed to fix the car in time to make it to the doctor.  That included a trip to the dealer for a part at 7:30 am when they opened.  The other part, I already obtained from the O'Reilley's in El Cajon.

I only had to use my new magnet-on-a-flexible-stick four or five times.  Each time to retrieve a bolt from hiding places not visible.  It worked, but took time.

Anyway, I am happy with the result and I have AC, which has become a necessity with my aquagenic pruritus issue.  That is what the itching deal is called in the very tiny circle of people who know what it is.  No one knows the mechanics of why it happens, and, though it is very common with JAK2 mutation positive people, many doctors have never encountered it, and aren't sure what to think.

In some ways I find this reminiscent of how migraines used to be.  I no longer have that issue, but they both may have some recognizable clue that the attack is imminent.  With experience, one can learn to head off a migraine--in some cases.  I was a lucky one that could often do that.  Same with this itch/ant attack feeling thing. And when it passes, it is just like when a migraine would finally wash away.  Almost like a chill or something that comes in a wave. Or goes in a wave.  Very similar.

I am not in a position to go for a doctorate, but I believe one could find a connection between this phenomenon and migraines.  It could be a breakthrough.  I seem to be the only one drawing the connection, but that does not mean I am wrong.

Here's the eat crow part.  I have to admit, maybe I was too hard on my doctor.  Besides, he now has a really competent very attractive, hot new associate.  She asks the right questions and explains things better.  And he behaves better with her around.  She is sharp.

It may be my good fortuen to be so sensitive to hydrea.  I have seen posts on MPN forums from people whose levels were similar to mine re platelets and such but they had to take triple my dose to lower the values into a safe range.  So, I appear to have decent enough levels now, as long as I keep up the dose, as is.

This could go on indefinitely.  There is no requirement that it get worse.  It may not.

Aside from that, the depression issue has been a little scary.  I worked like crazy to mitigate that issue. Work and associating with others when possible are a couple of items in the plan.  Also key is to try to push myself to do one more thing than I think I can at work or at home.  Like with the car. I was going to pull into a shop, then I thought maybe I should exhaust my troubleshooting skills first, even if I really did not think I could deal with it.

This may all, or most, sound silly or obvious, but to me, just normal daily tasks are often daunting and confusing.  Part of being an idiot savant, I think.  You may say, "I get the idiot part, but where does the savant come in?".  Very funny.  I won't even dignify such a query.  That dignify routine is a way to play self righteous in hopes of avoiding specifics or the need to provide proof.  You see it all the time.

Work is good and plentiful at the moment.  We play Fri. night, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  I think we play twice on Sat. and Sun.  Day of the Dead weekend, plus Halloween, plus the coffee house gig on FRi., unrelated to any of those holidays.  As far as I know.

Man this new bass player's attitude must make us play better.  I really think the unique blend is beginning to gel, and to finally blend.  I am liking it.  Plus I get lots of love in the sense of other musicians liking what I play.  Harmonica John thinks I am an infidel, I'm sure.  That's why most musicians around know me as Ian.  Got tired of people calling me harmonica John when that guy already calls himself that, in some official sense. I would never do that, anyway.  But the Ian part helped train people.

So, in short: I can see the physical status can probably be maintained at this level as long as I keep the hydrea coming, attitude may have a hand in giving the edge to a more favorable health situation, reducing isolation, coupled with tackling things which challenge me a little helps chase the blues away for another day or hour.

I know what needs doing in order to have more people around me that I like.  Minimize the immediate chaos, clutter, uncertainty, neglect, and lack of organization.  And little by little progress is being had.  It has plagued me forever but even at this advanced age, it can, technically, change.  I would respect myself more for attempting this rather than give in to the idea that it is too late to do or have anything I think leads to a healthy happy existence.

I have probably been here before to some extent.  But, I smoked from age 19 until I was 120.  So, now it has been, what, almost 2 years?  Pretty sure that is right.  Maybe we are going on three, but I doubt it.  January will be two, at least.  That is correct.  I do not smoke, and haven't, for some number of years between one and three, inclusive.  Must be two.

That shows that one can change a long term bad habit or practice, and it won't kill you to do so.  There is possible evidence that smoking may increase chances of acquiring certain types of Myeloprolific Neoplasms.  It would not be smart or uplifting in any way, were I to start smoking again.

I may yet not be the weakling and wimp we have grown to dislike.  To actually succeed in the ways that are needed by being strong would be such a piece of Heaven.  But I can tell you, depression is every bit as physical as mental.  Probably much more physical.  I know my mind is lying but no amount of insight stops the physical feeling of it.  But, since I know the physical depression is all part of the lie, I do all I can to go against it by doing one more work item, or stopping by a jam or open mic. I know the people so I force myself to socialize.  It helps.  Now we need big pay for the savant part of the idiot savant routine.

Was still having rougher go of it at this practice.  Tonight was much better. Even so, I like it.  I leave feeling better after practices, even if they aren't great.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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