Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Austin; not just for weird Texans

Other than a case of insomnia, I can't imagine a better first day in Austin.   Two little two year old girls and one four year old will cure almost anything.   At least when the parents are good and smart and don't raise up junk.

So, this was a good day.  The hard part is for me to refuse to let my inner thoughts focus on what a failure I am, and use the success of my brother and both his sons as proof.  I failed on purpose, it could be argued.  Certainly my actions, decisions, delusions, etc. are responsible for where I am, what I am, and what I am not.

Many influences my have been in play, but that does not change it.  And it is unfair to not enjoy such company and hospitality because you think they aren't as tormented and miserable as yourself.  Really, that is underhanded and selfish.  And, whatever else I may be, I do not have to be that selfish and unkind.

So, putting my own demons away ensures a much more pleasant time.  Let's hope I can do that for the duration here.

This cold snap has been perfect for me---helps stave off any weird attacks of pruritus and the thermal heebie jeebies.  Maybe it is a Christmas miracle and I am being healed.  Sometimes I think so.  It is trying anyway.  I made the trip without extreme discomfort, embarrassment, or forcing the plane to land to get me out.  Huge deal.  I do not think it would have been possible a year or even six months ago.

I am learning. And we have become better at balancing dope and blood and what have ya.

Looks like I'll be playing with Valor and Lace for a new year party at Chris' family's barn north of here on Thursday.  We shall see.

I saw myself walk away from, and destroy my shot at, this level of life a long time ago.  And to this day I do not know why.  Blaming alcohol or any of that doesn't truly fly.  That was only the symptom of something far deeper.  I have destroyed a lot since then, and still no idea why.  Not much left to blame except a defective view of life and the living, and myself.

The craziest thing is that I wonder if this means Bolsheviks are right.  Some of the crew is way deep in the statist, Obama-is-swell camp.  I do not discuss it other than to express my dismay at these lefty lunatics in our midst.  But they are so nice and straight dealing in person.  They would never tell their friends what to do with their resources.  But on the grand scale they have no prob with the state encroaching everywhere.

So, I broke the ice by giving the main Obamabot a golf tee which was carried around by the big O himself, along with other AF1 souvenirs with the presidential seal and signature.  A big hit.  I loved it.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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