Friday, August 14, 2015

Dear Old School Cubans in the nominally Free World


Castro, and no doubt plenty of self hating guilty liberal fools, want the US to pay them back for not trading with Cuba under Castro (after they murdered thousands, stole and nationalized American interests and property as well as Cuban interests and property)

That brings me to the thing that is the flaw of socialism enforced by the state--it relies on forced distribution of wealth and resources, according to the whims and vision of those with the guns.  Legal theft and bullying.  On a personal level, be as generous as you see fit.  But do not put a gun to your neighbor's head forcing him to comply with your view of compassion, etc.
IDIOTA del mundo
Really.  Every time I see it I want to say it again: IDIOT!!
But I have noticed, even in my little nobody, nothing, corner of the music world, that there is often this assumption that you support mob action and whatever, just because.  There is no real thought goes into it.  But disagree and you are looked upon as worthy of the firing squad.  Even if they have no real case in their favor beyond the intimidation of peer pressure.

So, a mass murdering, lying, thieving thug, who has lived well while the people he rules live in poverty, wants us to pay him.  He does not want to return what he took, answer for the murder of defenseless innocents, or answer for why he misled the people who supported revolution, thinking they were getting a free constitutional republic.
this, I believe is Raul Castro--(the one standing)

Please send me in to take him out.  I am fine with probably not living through it.  I am the guy they need for this.  Nothing to lose and I need to get out of here.

I haven't checked to see what dumbass things Kerry must be saying down there at the embassy opening.  Already I sense the progressive slant is that "we" somehow did horrible stuff to Castro and his lunatics.  He stole from everyone.

Our own government shut down every Cuban initiative to try to organize in S.Florida to go take their island back.  It was some deal made in the early days by JFK.   In order to keep them and Russia from thumbing their nose making us look bad, he threw the uprooted Cubans under the '53 Chevy.

Things I have seen from snarky internet badasses who love dictators like Fidel and the late great Hugo astound me.  Obviously many of them have no idea the lengths our government went to, to prevent the Cubans from overthrowing the murdering bully rapist thug.

Why it is Hollywood chic to sidle up to thieving murdering thugs because they claim to champion the "little people" is beyond me.  They ignore the blood on their heroes' hands entirely.    Almost as if they tacitly relish the pain and torture inflicted by such dictators.  They ignore the dissidents imprisoned and the people executed and mistreated.  The seem to enjoy sharing the dais with the thugs and pretending those others had it coming.
One of my favs: Fidel discussing the finer points of agriculture with a local farmer along the way to Havana

In reality, Rodman going over to hang out with Kim Jong Un is no more stupid and crazy than Sean Penn with Hugo Chavez and others with Castro.  It is purely the bigotry of the self hating wing of the progressive movement that draws a distinction; hispanic is currently cool and badass, bad haircut Korean is not cool.  They are racists.

Anyway, I would be more comfortable being dropped into Cuba to do mischief than Korea, although N Korea is in greater need.  I am bigoted too.  People in that part of the world scare me.  They eat bird's nests and cats-boiled alive.

So punish me for my bigotry and send me in to do something stupid with no chance I won't get shot.

I'll never change anyone's mind.  The homespun, populist, "common sense" BS holds too much appeal for people.  Usually because it justifies theft, vengeance and power over others in a homespun, feel-good, middle-of-the-crowd sense of safety and belonging.

“Hemingway hailed Castro’s revolution as ‘very pure and beautiful,'” Fontova said. “He was also a guest of honor at many of Che Guevara’s firing squad massacres. Hemingway loved to watch Che’s firing squads murder hundreds of Cubans. Hemingway would watch the massacres from a picnic chair while sipping Daiquiris.”
Fontova’s source for this troubling detail of Hemingway’s life is a former employee of late Paris Review editor George Plimpton who says his traumatized boss once told him how Hemingway took him to one such fire squad social gathering.

Never heard this assertion refuted.  Many talented artists, and even some brilliant intellectuals are philosophically bankrupt and otherwise, total idiots.

Life Is a Little Rich for My Blood

This woman (married) with whom I play music says, "Oh I feel so bad for Bob X, he is really hurting being alone".  Me--What?
"He really wants someone in his life again.  I feel sorry for him."

Me: No shit!!  So poor Bob is to be pitied for being alone?  He ran his wife off, and you are expressing pity for him, to me, of all people?  WTF?  Like I am going to commiserate with you about poor Bob.

Do you have a clue as to how much my life sucks?  How it really, really sucks?  I made it this way, so I don't deserve or want pity. Pity is an insult.  But poor Bob, he couldn't keep the old broad around and she hit the road.  She has one story and he has another.

Made me want to scream from the rooftops, "F*** YOU ALL!   I QUIT!  I CANNOT DO IT ANY MORE!  I have no hope that I will ever make it right."

Maybe the mutation happened because my body wanted to distract me from my real woes.  If there had not been any positive result on the JAK2 mutant thing, I would be sure I created all this.  I still think so.

I also think they have a close but incorrect diagnosis.  Obviously there is bone marrow disorder because the cells are screwy, even when the numbers are right.  Poor quality red blood cells.

But polycythemia is overabundance of red blood cells, and I have yet to see that.  I have too many white ones and platelets, left to my own devices.  They were sure I was bleeding out somewhere inside which kept the red ones from being too high.  I doubt it.
It is some other issue.

I'm sick of the arrogant elitist oncologist/hematologist.  I dread whenever the next appointment is.  Last time I described some symptoms and he says, "Oh that has nothing to do with this--meaning blood results and chemo to keep too many of various types of cells from being produced.

The fact is those symptoms had everything to do with "this"; blood values and drug reaction.  What a pansy.  He said that because he only wants to look at blood numbers, has zero empathy, and assumes he is far smarter and "better" than his patients.

 I did some looking and it appears he's from South Africa.  From the French speaking part, I think.  I worked with a guy like that.  That have a class system instilled which an old fashioned American can't comprehend.

That is before bears became people too, and a number of other pretenses gained purchase.

I would not have known to take this stuff I was prescribed, hydrea, but I would have know to put the dose where we are now.  And I would not have let it go three months and discounted the calls I mede after six weeks describing symptoms which I now see were clear indicators to cut the dose.

It was to a point where I was considering growing a beard, which I did not want to do, because every time I shaved I would later bleed from little dots on my face.  Just too little clotting capability because the pill had depleted things to a very risky level.

I go by what I think from now on, and just one more arrogant remark from this jerk and I let him have it and either stop the medical treatment altogether or find another person.  Everything relates and he tries to say everything I bring up is a separate issue.  Purely afraid of engaging and doing anything besides ordering labs and hiding from the patient.  As mad as I am becoming, that may a good plan for him.

I am going broke.  Really goddamed broke.

I will somehow get that hang glider/parasail, some highly potent pain and/or sleeping pills and find the highest launch point I can, and that is that.  I can't live on the street because this condition is like torture when you cannot escape the elements, heat, etc.  And I do not want to live that way.
But the rope is at the end again.  Only this time I think it really is.

I am angry at how I have botched a perfectly good life.  Even though I am angry at relatives who I think secretly hate me for being a failure and a waste, I hate myself for it, too.  But I'd never be such a prick to others about it.  But that is a good part of how it came about anyway--had to be there.

What a waste.  I should not be this way.  Too late to fix it. That sucks.  Playing some high school reunion thing on sunday afternoon.  Outdoors.  We are getting friggin 90 and 100 degree days.,  That is sure to be crazy.  I suspect they will do an abbreviated version of what they have planned and that will be that.  I am not even getting paid.  I can't afford this any more.

And I am too under the cement slab of me to be able to think or do the work to find paying gigs.
It's always darkest after I open my eyes, before the dawn or no.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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