Monday, April 11, 2011

Cheap Land!!!

Here's the results of my info plugged into the carbon offset absolution calculator. It tells me how much rainforest to buy in order to be absolved of my carbon sins:

TOTAL metric tons CO2: 19.4 metric tons
Amount of offset needed: $237
Number of acres* saved by offset: 2.4
Donate your carbon offset value now: $237
*acres of rainforest saved. On the home page you can even see your piece of the pie on google earth.
Above data from world land

Who knew you could buy rain forest for 100 bucks an acre? If I buy my 2.4 acres, I'll not only be forgiven for being a member of advanced civilization, but I'll have some primo real estate to boot!!

I think I'll build a small resort, using only natural materials found on the land, like mahogany and stuff. We can have a network of tree houses, linked by swinging bridges, and an underground tank for diesel fuel to power generators so we can have air conditioning. It will be underground so that we don't make the ground above it look unnatural. We'll use diesel Hummers, too.

Maybe you can buy some, and we can be neighbors. We may need to arm heavily as I understand drug cartels are also buying up rain forest for their evil operations and maybe for a place to torture people. I'm sure the countries where this land is have no problem with the gringo buying in at $100/ acre. Most countries love us coming in to buy up land and dictate how it is conserved. After all it is clear those dumb bastards are ruining it to sell us wood, and for their own misguided use. It makes really lousy farmland but they don't figure that out until a year or so after they screw it up.

There are many natural medicines and drugs there. Many of them of varieties which produce visions and allow you to converse with ghosts and animals. That will be a central theme at my resort.

I can't wait to get started. This bargain is too good to pass up. Absolution needn't always be painful. In this case, it is obviously opportunity knocking. I think my land will be in Guatemala. I better get in on this before it is all bought up.


  1. Do I get to choose which rainforest my land is in? If I'm going to be absolved I should be able to pick my paradise.


Can't make comments any easier, I don't think. People are having trouble--google tries to kidnap them. I'll loosen up one more thing and let's see. Please give it a try

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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