Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Travel Tips and Thoughts for Aimless Gypsies:part N of N+X

First thing you should know: avoid driving up I-15 past Provo and Salt Lake City Utah.
The road appears to be perpetually under construction, blocked lanes are poorly marked, it is bumpy, and the traffic is heavy.

OK, that sounds normal for much of America. Here's the catch; the people driving on that road are mostly totally nuts. Perhaps it is a Utah thing, or just that area, I don't know. You have anywhere from 3 to 5 or 6 lanes going your way. Number of lanes is a bit vague at times. The speed limit is 55 in that zone which goes on forever; from below Provo to north of Salt Lake.

So, what do the people do? First, they speed up so that everyone is going 65 or 70 even though cops do pull people over. It is safer to go with the flow and try to put yourself out of the path of the many wildcats who pass at 90 mph even though they can see that everyone in all lanes a tenth of a mile ahead has suddenly slowed to 50. They like to pass on the right then swing to the left a foot in front of the car the just passed, then hit they brakes so as not to collide with the group ahead. If you foolishly adhere to standard rules of the road and pass on the left, you better watch out when you get back over to the right because the rocket jock driving the pickup may collide with you if you aren't aware. He certainly won't be watching for you.

I have a theory. Yes, S, I know I already shared this with you.

Some miles before the highway madness zone begins there is a billboard that reads, "Holding Out Hope For Polygamy". I think that is in an 80 mph zone. I did not catch the website at the bottom but they have one.

I'm thinking, it's like holding out hope for legal pot--yea, there is that hope but in the mean time people just go ahead and do it. In the case of polygamy this means a few guys who have the inside track on such things are scooping up more than their share of women. This leaves all the other young males in a bit of a quandary, especially if they are part of this belief system. It is like radical Islam--too many young males with very serious sexual issues and frustration, so they go crazy and act out in inappropriate ways.

The result is that the unsuspecting gypsy is taking his life in his hands on that road. Apparently some of the mac daddies are spread a little thin, so it results in peculiar frustration for some of the wimmins too. These people are nuts, whether my theory explains it or not. Just a word to the wise. And I lived in Miami for quite some time. If you've driven there in the last 30 years you know that me saying this stretch of highway is possibly crazier than that is saying a lot.

Another tip: the long meandering road trip causes nose and ear hair to grow faster than normal. Toe nails, too. If I was into government grants I'd see if they'd pay me to conduct a study on this phenomenon.


Not so much a tip as a WTF?
If you are a male between 50 and 60, about 75 pounds or more overweight, completely gray, I honestly think a tattoo of Frankenstein's head covering the entire side of your ample calf, plainly visible because of course you wear gym shorts and sandals, is not a fashion statement you need to make for any reason I can imagine. Your swagger and habit of standing at the convenient mart counter legs apart, swaying side to side and to and fro also does little to win friends and influence people. You're already taking up more space than your proper allotment. Again, perhaps a good subject for study on government grant. I won't bother with the rest of the "look", My mind went into overload at Frankenstein.

The good looking chick with a partly visible full portrait of a woman covering her back complete with some kind of background was another puzzle. That one probably has a story. I have a feeling the guy just thought, "hmm, tattoos are cool now. Frankenstein is awesome, dude. Put Frankenstein on my leg and I'll be cool too."

To each his own, but I can wonder and puzzle as is my right. I chalk him up to the Utah thing.

I should note that inn keepers and diner personnel here are rather personable and nice. Almost Southern, in the good sense.

another Tip; if you detect a merchant in a high tourist area has the attitude that all travelers are beneath him or her, don't buy there. Those who make their living off of travelers and visitors fall into two groups: those who know which side their bread is buttered on, and those who don't. I haven't spent much but my hostile-to-outsiders meter has cost people some money. It has made money for the souls who generate a feeling of gratitude and respect.

If you work in the take money from tourists business and you hate travelers, then get out of that line of work. We'll all be happier for it.
Almost forgot--if you can get where you are going on highway 89 or 89A, and you have the time, that is the road to take. Much more interesting than the big interstate highways. Many cool and interesting places on that road. After all, that is the road to Jerome, AZ, and it runs up here in Utah too.


  1. Good point - Never forget who puts bread on your table....


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