Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Can't Shake It

The "unproductive lives" discussion just won't go away.  Worse still, I can't argue with the basic premise which defines me as a waste of space.  I try to have little hopes of something or someone to help make that view fade away, but the somethings or someones are not going to materialize, and I know it.  That makes me angry, almost to the point of rage.

No point in being mad about it.  It is how life is.  Not everyone has sense enough to make sense of it, which usually requires ignoring the views of peers, authority, and pop culture, while pretending otherwise.

Things are different, and I'm glad, and I'm disappointed I can't make it all more different.  As much as I decry the practiced stupidity of various cultures we are supposed to embrace, celebrate, or even respect,    I hope never again to hear people patting themselves on the back for being superior.  Some of those people are real creeps.  But they must be productive, they have a creepy wife, kids, and career.

Maybe it is time to give up, but often the time not to give up is when it seems the thing to do.  Alone in paradise is not the smart way to get the most out of the experience.  I doubt it will change.

One relative's view of what constitutes productive and not productive carries a lot of weight with me, I guess.  Even though I think it is a flawed and arrogant view, only now allowed full expression because both his kids are finally married with offspring, and both have great jobs-careers--that they like.  And each has a house.  Now we can pronounce our true views without condemning our own.  I am not "our own" anymore.

Be careful about protecting those who don't even know you are looking out for them, and who never asked your protection.  You'll realize you sacrificed yourself to create your own most influential detractor, and no one but you will ever realize it.  An you'll never live long enough to change it, because it is etched too deeply in every thought path and cell in your body.

This is a challenging time, once again.  If I were on the outside looking in, I'd say, "What an idiot!", so I guess I must know better, and can do just fine acting another way, reacting other than how I always do.   You live, you die, and it is as if you were never here.  My overall footprint is like that of a ninja.  The ninja of existence.

Never believe anything.  That is the best chance.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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