Sunday, June 15, 2014

Wrong twice

I seem to have read the result of the blood test incorrectly. What I thought was low is normal.  And before I thought it was low, I thought it was high.  I have no explanation.  It is what is inside those cells that is screwed up.  And something to do with the size consistency.  But other cells are high, and blablabla.

The meaning of all of it and the cure elude me.  Why the attack and reaction I experience are tied to funky blood tests, I do not know.  Probably just a courtesy of some kind.  Maybe a signal that was worked out without my knowledge.  "If your internal factories go on strike or the quality control dept. goes on strike, we'll torture the hell out of you at the most inconvenient times."  Thanks.  What a bargain.

So, I was wrong twice.  Quantity normal, quality not so good.  And you have tons of the white ones, and plenty of some other items.

This is completely running my life.  I hope it won't get in the way of our winery gig this friday.  I'll use my best strategy for keeping things going right.  It's just that this seems somewhat progressive so I have to adapt strategy accordingly.

I'm angry, and at a number of things not clearly stated here, but related, in a way.  I wish I hadn't let them all get away.  At the same time who wants anyone who cannot get past my"it" that, apparently, people have to get past if they are to see any value here?    Screw it and screw them and screw the cowgirl who's likely going to end up with the wine guy and likes to drink too much anyway.

I know.  Childish.  Not spiritual, etc.  Maybe.  I'm temporarily angry at myself and I blame myself for falling apart alone.  Inside, even knowing it is nuts, I think if I were a better human being I would not be experiencing this physical problem.  Everyone has their things.  Some are fatal, some annoying or heartbreaking or trivial.  I think my woes are trivially fatal.  And annoying because I know I'm angry

1 comment:

  1. Verbi here:

    "Tons of the white ones" as in too many or as in enough of them to assure a strong immune system?


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Like spring on a summer's day


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