Everything is Changing in a Hurry

The possible job I thought would open up and make me well financially is now off the table.  We don't know how that bodes for the future.  For now,  I'm OK.

Playing a lot with various musicians.  May have a gig on the USS Midway on the 11th.  Maybe.  Some things are just a little odd.  That is likely the way of life for young people back from battles with full tilt psychos in the mideast.  Some of us are backing a marine in "music therapy" who has started playing out places.  Writes some nice stuff. Hard for me to play on it though, so I'm not sure what to think.

We'll see if there is any worthwhile change in blood stuff in a couple of weeks.  I feel like something changed this year and I'll never be the same, whatever that was.   My life revolves around avoiding the annoyances of stupid physical things that hardly anyone else ever has.  So of course it must be anxiety, or nerves, or I'm crazy.  That is tiring. It is not those things at all.

It's just karma for being a bad human being or because life isn't fair or because things happen.  It is not personal.  I don't believe there is any big crime and punishment or test thing, or reason relating to God insisting I prove my love or any of that.  I think I'm making it up and even fooled myself.

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