Sunday, July 5, 2015

Harbinger of Doom? Maybe not even a harbinger

The dramatist, the thespian in me tends to see signs and symbols in things that may just be happenstance.  Like Max, the very kind, gigantic dog, suddenly coming down with a type of aggressive bone cancer which is an adios sort of condition.

He must have covered symptoms for some time because he's just been diagnosed and now he is going fast.  He is going to be put down in a day.

The nature of this is that by this time it also spreads all over and amputating the immediately defective leg would do no good, and any buying time options would be pure misery.  Soon the bone itself falls apart.  This is not a good thing,

So, after playing for Crest and their parade I went in to Pt Loma to see Max, and see the fireworks from their impressive viewpoint.  This is tough on the people.  Veterinarians like my friend spent a lifetime in that field because of deeply caring about animals.  He takes it hard when they go. Especially the one's he likes the best. He's no fool.  He knows some dogs and cats and other critters are jerks, and some are A OK.

So, as I left I told Max I'd see him on the other side.  If other side there be.   I hope so.

If I'm not careful I could end up like Max.  But maybe not, if I am lucky.  If I do.  I'm not overly eager about any of the options.  Chemo-lite is not so bad.  I get some side effects but I can cover them fairly well.  I do not like that the itching issues seem to be thinking of returning.  Not quite full blown but annoying.  At the same time, I can still tolerate much more heat, and I can do more than I could at this time last year,

Today, I feel like I don't care if I ever play any music ever again. I just don't care right now.  People depend on me for the moment, and I may be helpful so I keep at it.  Also I would be way too isolated if I quit without some other source of contact with humans.

You never saw a 160 lb dog be so spoiled. Eggs and bacon for breakfast today.  Hamburger and toasted buns for lunch.  Little bit of bagel for a snack, and the best pain pills a dog can get.  He was crashed out mostly.  It hurts him to get up, but he does his best.

I do not think things are going to get much easier than they are now.  I have to re-assess my view of hardship so I won't feel overwhelmed and such.

Something has got to give.  I won't rush it though.  But inevitable is inevitable.

1 comment:

  1. My most empathetic sympathies re Max. A year ago I thought we were going to lose Copper, and I simply disintegrated, inside and out. Scary.


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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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