Thursday, April 28, 2016

Maybe Autism, or Depression or wrong place at wrong time

It makes me angry sometimes.  Other times I am left kind of empty and confused by it.  It, of course, is that thing I have not been able to get past.  Hardly anyone has.

There is anger at people who back in my youth claimed I did not try, or did not live up to some mysterious expectation based on that which I either did not know, or by design had been hidden from me, ensuring my ignorance.  There is anger at people who even now would decide that my failures are somehow an insult to them, or a license to scold me for under-achieving.

It is not fun for me, and hasn't been for a long time.  Mostly because I don't get it. Or something.  And I have no excuse and no good description of the way this stuff works.  Sadness chases me.  I will change things yet.

So, thanks for the anger.  I may become angry enough not to accept defeat. That would take lots of anger because I am tired, beat, and mostly feel like wasted space.  That is just the way of it.

I still may become angry enough to make "them" eat their words or otherwise cease to have a shred of power or influence over me.  What's the charm of pour salt and vinegar into wounds?  That is all it is when I am admonished for not being better than I am, and living up to imaginary potential or level of life which eludes me.   These are not the easiest of times or the worst.

I have a very simple set of goals that need achieving.  Once they are met.  I can go anywhere or nowhere, in peace.

1 comment:

  1. Hope are able to achieve your goals and ignore those whose goals for you are different. Sounds VERY wise and doable.


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