Monday, February 16, 2009

The case of Garfield Marmaduke, IX

It has been awhile since I checked on my journalspace site * at first I said wordpress and just now corrected it**. Over there I am john. Someone who is Wilson sent me an email which included a great chance to make tons of money helping him get funds out of West Africa, etc.

I decided to send Wilson aka Atta something or other, a request of my own. A very similar request to his except I discussed my twin brother and a steam roller rather than a father and poison.

Here's the note to wilson:

My Dear [insert name]

It is that I am seeking your aid on a most important matter which is of urgency, and involves significant recompense for us both. You were suggested to me as being of inpeckable character and stamina.

My circumstance require the utmost of discretion and libido, as I'm sure you will appreciate. The matter involve some 65,000,000 of your US dollars, of which you would receive 15.5% for your assistance.

I am Garfield Marmaduke, IX, of Okracoke, a small nation on the Cotton Coast, as the coloquials once termed it. My unfortunate twin--not identifiable but fraternistic---was brutally crushed by a rival family who covets the throne. He, being first to be born, was in keeping of our communal fortune. Those who hired the assassin and his steam roller have driven my family from our native hostel, with a big price hanging around my neck.

My dear departed brother, Pepe l'Peau Marmaduke, V, had conveyed to me a secret envelope to be opened if he came to any untimely harmed, as it was. Into this envelope was found the number to a bank account containing funds of 65,000,000.000 dollars. However in order to gain rightful possession of these funds, a family member must present claim, and account to which to transfer the monies. It would be to murder of myself for me to involve.

Be assure, there is no risk to you. My attorneys will draw up the proper documents for which you ony sign and attest that you are a distant cousin. Our enemies have no way of checking, and as they are yet unaware of the monies, no suspicion has been accrued.

All you need do is to include a valid address in your country and the account(s) to which to
detain our funs. To assure absolute security, do not send these particulars to this address, but send me your address so I can dispatch the proper documents which then they will require the information heretofore enscribed of you.

All other necessary details will be handled at this end and we will meet at a future date in your country's choosing to conclude our affairs. I will then prepare my exile more in the manner to which my station demands.

I am most grateful to yourself for assisting my determination to persevere despite my enemies most unlawful coup and defenestration of the tradition of my family.

Most humble thank you for helping.

I remain,
Garfield Marmaduke, IX




I tried to keep the language on a par with the note from atta.


Maybe I'll get a reply.



----------
here's the email wilson originally sent:

Hello Dear,

With Respect,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you.

I know this mail may come to you as a surprise, since we have not known or written before.

Afer you receive this mail kindly contact me on my private Email contact below. introducing myself, I am Wilson Atta Mamadou, the Only Son of the late Atta Mamadou, my father was a gold and cocoa mercahnt based in accra, Ghana and Abidjan (Ivory Coast), he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their business trips recenty.

Before his death, he called me bedside him and told me that he has the sum of $6.500,000USD deposited in one of the prime bank here in abidjan ivory coast, that he used my name being the only child as the next of kin in deposited fund.

I will need your assistance as follows;

1) To assist me in retriving this money from the bank.
2) To serve as the guardian of this fund.
3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a residential permit in your country.

Moreover, I am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful transfer of this fund to your nominated account overseas.

Reply to my private e-mail box below: ( wilson_atta2008@ibibo.com )
Anticipating to hear from you soon.

Awaiting your urgent reply.

Regards,

Wilson Atta Mamadou.

Reply to my private e-mail box below: ( wilson_atta2008@ibibo.com )


feel free to email atta at his/her ibibo.com email addr. I'm sure you'll be well and strangely received.
I stuck to the JS mail.

It may confuse things a bit since my very first reply to wilson was the following:

"You must be kidding.
A curse on you, your goats, your camels and your house.
A lowly liar and thief is all the more shameful because it is a choice."

4 comments:

  1. I love your wonderful spelling 'in kind'. Also beautiful craftsmanship with, "utmost of discretion and libido, as I'm sure you will appreciate." I'm sorry he won't 'get it'. Juan, this is the most beautiful of wasted effort.

    First answer was pretty good too...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Harpo, I flat out BEG you to take the time to check out this link. I would allow an hour, but I promise you it is IMO an hour well spent. I found it one of the funniest and most satisfying reads of my recent years. How sad is that!

    http://www.419eater.com/html/martins_davis.htm

    ReplyDelete
  3. Here is a much shorter thingy, with what I thought was a good harmonica solo - 3 minutes

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3HJnG4MwbU&feature=related

    ReplyDelete

Can't make comments any easier, I don't think. People are having trouble--google tries to kidnap them. I'll loosen up one more thing and let's see. Please give it a try

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