Monday, February 10, 2014

---- Me, And The Horse I Rode In On

Some would say, "And the horse on which I arrived"; being overly concerned about ending sentences with words like on, in, of, and other prepositions.   I don't care.  

And the more I read discussions among the compulsively rationalizing academic people who are certain that they could and should change the world, and that they know what is best for "the masses" or the "99%", the less I care about anything that smacks of, "look how smart and educated I am".

But that is irrelevant.   I'm always starting off on irrelevant tangents.  I knew I was only imagining a certain something that is never ever going to cross my path.  It is my sentence for past transgressions.   Most of the sentence was commuted, so why complain?  I have no right to do that.

If all goes well, I may end up being of some use.  People often think they are useful or helpful in a positive way, but they don't really know.  They can hope, and I believe that it is right to have a good motive.  But the true nature of the result in the big picture,  grand scheme of things is unknown.  Or at least I think it is.

I know some screw-ups say, "look at me, don't do what I did or you'll end up like me.  Learn from my mistakes."  And they think they are helpful.  I don't think I learn much from the mistakes of others.  Maybe a little, sometimes, but not much.  I hardly seem to learn from my own mistakes.  Or so it seems at times.

In the old days I'd just drink and drive better than that screw up.  It did not work out well, but there were plenty of other people making obvious mistakes from which I did not learn.
Rode in on one of those, probably.  Or else I'll ride out on one

As far as other things that hit me where I live, I guess I most like and crave the companionship of those who are unlikely to ever be able to take me and my glitches.  

That thing.  I can't explain it, and no one else can.  "He's alright if you can get past 'that'".   I guess no one has ever put it better than my brother.  At least it gave me a clue. Sort of.

It is what makes me wonder about life and beyond.  And I tend not to believe anyone who claims absolute faith, or absolute disbelief and lack of faith.  Right now, I believe nothing and no one.  

As long as I want nothing and expect nothing from anyone, I am safe.  If I am safe I feel no love or anything else for anyone.  I can't help but feel a little so I try to be useful just to keep from going totally crazy in a sad sort of way.  Well, I do feel but I'd rather just put that aside, and acknowledge no love or anything else. That better states the process.

People are mostly very unkind in the ways it matters the most, so I have to dodge that because I do not enjoy it at all.   Stay on the giving end, like a sort of guerrilla philanthropist; do what you can then get the hell out of Dodge, except I'm not one whose deeds involve much money.

I think I have finally learned a little bit.  I give up on most things--I just can't control much in life.  And it is about time to decide the question that never seems to go away for long.   
Some things in Sochi make sense.  Not the NBC people there, but some things.
Winter Olympics are the best. If there is reincarnation, bring me back as a downhill skier or one of those people who flies around on a snowboard
Or just put it off. I'm in no mood for chronic questions.  Kick that one down the road, again.


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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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