Sunday, March 15, 2015

I Really Want A Smoke

My imagination and google searches are going wild.  Except I only use google when I have to or when I am tricked.  They are too intrusive.  It is crazy.  I use other search engines like bing or startpage.

Anyway, I was reviewing the pathologist's little editorial and it almost shook me a bit. But only after I searched each term.  So, what is the lesson here?

I'll tell you what the lesson is.  Unless you will find the answers which are the ones you want, do not ask the question.  Is that so hard to remember?  Apparently, if you are I, or I am you, then OK, yes I don't know it. I forget this thing.

See how that goes?  This is what happens when you've been around the block and all you want is to get a handle on the mess and clutter and shameful lack of household care.  That is it, pretty much.  That is the hardest of my goals.   You may think, "Oh, your goals must be really easy.", but you'd be wrong.  My Kryptonite is the household normal cleaning and straightening neatness.  I freeze and am rendered helpless when confronted with domestic clutter and chaos.

The end result was that I wanted a cigarette as if I smoke them regularly and smoking is clearly the best response to everything that doesn't fall under my direct and immediate control.   But now I no longer want one.  I do not smoke any more.  One year and over three months.  A record for me, if you don't count the eighteen or nineteen years I was smoke free.  Those first 18 or 19 years.

I have to avoid any sort of giving in.  That is why playing with Sande and the group is so good.  It forces me to do more than I am sure I can do.  That is the best thing.  No way I want to think I am too whatever to play.

You can keep the smoke that I was going to borrow.

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Can't make comments any easier, I don't think. People are having trouble--google tries to kidnap them. I'll loosen up one more thing and let's see. Please give it a try

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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