Sunday, May 24, 2015

It Is Not Fun No Matter What

It seems that Memorial Day brings me feelings of acute loneliness for reasons unknown.  It is close to unbearable.  I just put it together this year.  As the weekend progressed, or the week--who knows--I realized that this awful detachment has happened a lot at this particular time in the year.

I understand the point of the day, though I think there are several aspects of the holiday being promoted.  There are all the sales; Hey, you or your ancestors may have been killed or maimed in one or more wars of questionable cause and point, yippee, buy some furniture!
There is the idea that no matter what the war, the soldier who goes to die without question is above reproach.  At the level of sainthood.

And somewhere in the mix, not really very clear is the honor that comes from securing freedom and security for posterity.  The real heroes.  So very few of those, in reality.  So few military actions are the product of sincere, honest, necessity in the battle of good and evil.  That is because most of those who would control the lives of so many, who would trade those lives for control of resources or production of wealth, are not honorable people.

This is why we have one political party posting a picture of the commander in chief enjoying an ice cream cone to celebrate the day when those who fought and died in wars are honored and revered.  That is their poster for the day, the high priest of koolaid licking an ice cream cone.  Let's have a bar b que and get drunk at the beach.

Obviously, I don't know how to appreciate it as I should.  I was once in a unit which was designed to defend the borders.  The thing is, Russian Migs out of Cuba violated our borders regularly, but we only followed them.  At the same time, over in the USSR, they would shoot down civilian planes which cast a shadow on their border.  Part of the big pretense, I guess.  We did not publicize their frequent infractions, yet we pretended their murderous actions were justified.

It is similar to the way it is more chic to ridicule those who think islam is a murderous, barabric cult, and fault christianity for somehow being the bad guy, all in the same breath, than it is to call the backward barbarians out for what they are.  Face it, some cultures are nothing more than giant cesspools of mass psychosis; proof that mental illness can be catching and cultivated.  Facts be damned.

The sad thing is how a time of remembrance for those who died or endured great hardship as part of the military is really a propaganda and recruiting tool.  How many of the wars in our history have been as represented?  How many have been for a definable purpose with clearcut goals?  All of them in my lifetime have had vague purpose, goal, and justification, if any honorable justification at all.

The honor in such adventures is found in how the troops protect one another,  risk all to save a comrade in arms, but not the mission itself.  Dishonest officials create these wars and they drag on and on.  The actual goal is not even clear. How do you know you've won?

It is a tough one. On the one hand you have to honor the soldier who has so much faith in his commanders that he willingly goes into battle because he is sent there, and he feels honor bound to follow orders.  Yet you have to wonder at so many going in, knowing there is corruption involved and very dubious national interests, yet still not questioning.

I tend to think most religion is abused by the faithful in order to further one's personal cause and prestige.  That does not give reason to falsely paint the behavior and motive of the world of christianity as something it is not.  The inquisition was long ago, and not something inherently American.  You'd never know, to listen the the modern school of chic Christian ridicule.

Mention something about the religion of beheadings, and you will be met with LOL and "what about those christians who don't like gay marriage or abortion?"

They are not violently attacking you, morons.  They just won't bake your stupid cake.  And they are not happy abortion is legal.  If you equate that with honor killings in which a woman is buried to her waist and then stoned to death by self righteous zealots, then you obviously need work on the concept of moral and practical equivalence.

None of that matters much to me, I guess.  It turns my stomach to hear politicians and our president spouting nonsense, pretending to revere people whose lives they think are expendable and insignificant.  They prove that by their actions.  Their talk is designed to keep the supply of bodies volunteering to be used however these scumbags see fit.   I have to wonder why anyone would sign up for our military under such "leaders", considering how they are using the military, and for what alleged purposes.  Defense is another mislabeled department of government.   This is so emotionally charged that questioning the set up is liable to get you killed or shunned or beaten.  That is a sad state of affairs.

Best to opt in for the lobotomy and mindlessly wander the streets of military towns playing the pre-recorded loop, "Thank you for your service" endlessly.  Thoughtlessly.  When the domestic aspect which has been festering comes into full swing, will thanks still be blindly offered?  Kent State may have been a false flag set up by Weather Underground, but look how it turned out.  US weapeons turned on US citizens.  Wasn't hip then, but the same weather underground types are now running the show.

Odd, huh?  Peace and love was never what the peace and love, flower power movement was really about. It was about the ease with which mobs can be mobilized.  And how easy to make them think they are righteous.  Identity politics and social movements.  Back then it was all about My Generation.  WTF?  Did anyone ever stop to analyze this?  No.  Now we have a bunch of names for so-called generations.  Shoot me now.

I do understand, though, signing up, seeing if you can make the cut into some elite fighting force; one of the top groups for whatever service.  And never consider who it is sending you into battle, and never consider what the reason is, or who will gain.  If you are in such a force and you really delve into it, you would know you are used like a mercenary soldier for purposes not as pure as advertised.  Wars without moral authority tend to last forever it seems.  If they cannot tell you what the clear objective is, then that ought to raise a red flag.  If they say it is to spread democracy or some such nonsense, then anyone who can reason should know that makes no sense.

Freedom and justice are not always in line with democracy.  Pure democracy is mob rule.  And mobs are idiots.  Just look at all the current mob action in Ferguson, Baltimore and elsewhere.  Greedy, violent, sadistic looters with an excuse to plunder unhindered.  The excuses are lies and they know it. But people pretend. And pretend hard.  It is beyond belief if you really look and admit the truth of reality.

Militarily, and politically, we have allowed ourselves to become hopelessly entwined in the madness of religious states. You cannot have individual freedom and true liberty in religious states.  Especially ones with medieval superstitious traditions like islam.   Where is feminism in this case?  Abortion is not the only topic on the block.  Maybe those who would call themselves feminists instead of humanists are phony and not big picture people.

 They don't seem to care about the abuse of women in these islamic states.  Once again, easier to accept the mantle of victimhood and self righteousness than to actually reason out the truth and hold to it.  How they twist it so that American Christians are more brutal than garden variety muslims in Saudi Arabia and such is beyond me. But they tend to do that.  They mistake a differing viewpoint with a violently enforced refusal to allow a differing viewpoint.

Like everything else, it is all twisted up.  Even though slavery is still common in Africa, ignorant people think it was invented by the evil europeans--who are the ones who finally banned the practice. The rest of the world wasn't lobbying for abolition.  Try telling that to the looters/vandals aka protestors in St Louis, Baltimore and elsewhere in Al Sharpton nation.  It is nuts.  Doesn't mean the police state culture is right, because it is not.  But that is how you do it. Set up aberrant groups against other aberrant groups, then pretend one of them is not aberrant.  I hate to say it, but people are generally not smart enough to see through it, and the attraction of the bandwagon is too great to resist.

So, we jump on half truths and ignore the underlying truth and cause.  Or even the blatant reality of the moment.  I don't like the police state so I pretend Michael brown was a saint.  I don't like punks and thugs so I pretend the police are selfless warriors for peace and that the innocent stroke victim being tased had it coming for being "disrespectful".  I have zero respect for armed men hiding in the bushes hoping to catch you speeding.   I have no respect for people setting up a road block, stopping me and other innocents,  hoping to catch someone drunk.  It is wrong and those who can't see it deserve to live, by permission, in a prison state.

I don't like white people defending themselves, and I do like riots, so I pretend Trayvon was just a sweet little boy and I pretend that George Zimmerman is white, even though he's part black, hispanic and jewish.  Let's just call him a "white hispanic" because the ignorant fools who allow themselves to be herded like sheep will go for it.  Anything to feel the warmth of vicarious victimhood, and unpunished violence and anger.

Personally, I am at as low a point as I have been in years.  Just all of a sudden,  Maybe it is the hydrea inducing mood swings.  Still, I do not trust myself to own a firearm because I think I would most likely use it improperly and people would call me a coward for shooting myself.  I do not think that coward label is right.  But again, people spout off as if they know what they are talking about when they do not.

In my case, I blew it.  My life is a worthless waste.  It could be worse.  I could be a union boss, or a gang member or a hell's angels jerk.  Those people are a blight on society.  I am just a nobody, who doesn't even have a family or any of that. A loser.   I am not sure I can take that much longer.

Nothing works out and I can't play at religion because I do not buy it for the most part.   Just how it is, sort of.

I have to quit pretending.  I have managed to fool a lot of the people a lot of the time.  And I am sorry for that.  I am useless and that is about all there is to that.  Maybe I can fix that, then go for one last bizarre flight in a parasail way up high off tall mountains, and that will be that.  It is my goal.  But first all else must be cleaned up, organized and all made so the state can't screw with it, or harass any relatives.

It was better when I thought the blood disease would kill me quick.  As it is I think I will just have to take chemo supplements forever and maybe in five or ten years some nonsense will run me down to the point of a semi vegetable then finally, lights out.   Hard to say with gene mutations and cancers.  This type is not one you kill and hope it stays gone.  It is just there messing up the production of blood cells of all kinds.  So we knock out the factory, sort of.

It may be that if I quit the med and do nothing it will put me down fairly quickly.  I don't know.

I think the medical world largely caters to fools and idiots.  They do much good, like set broken bones and take out exploded appendixes.

Why else tie medicine in with government?  That is government's job--manipulating morons, creating hapless, self righteous victims.  Put the medicos in bed with the politicos and the offspring is not truth justice and honor.  But morons don't know that.  And we have moron factories everywhere.  The schools, churches, organizations like Occupy and peta, and numerous outfits spouting liberty but not quite meaning it.

Maybe they are all right, and I am wrong.  I am the loser.  I threw the race way too many times so the weak and envious would not be unhappy and hate me.  What an idiot I was and am.  I doubt anyone still living knows how true some of this is.  I'm not sure I care what the cruel bastards who still breathe think anyway.  I am sad and I am mad and I am sorry.

Had to make font bigger because whatever is my disease, or maybe the cure, is affecting eyesight.  It goes beyond that.  Subtleties of sound, thought, speech, and what is seen all escape me.  Everything has to be ultra clear and defined, or else I get lost or angry.  Makes no sense.  Just how it is.  

I cried most of the way home tonight, singing my new original song which is not complete, An Adios Kind Of Deal.


  1. (Verbi here)

    Great essay! Gone into my keeper file. ;)

  2. You are right about almost everything you say about our society and gummint etc. There is truly MUCH to be depressed about.

    I am hoping the remainder of the depression is part of a cycle which will swing upward, soon.



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