Thursday, August 27, 2015

Back in the Fight, or trying to be

This serious depression issue is a nuisance, to say the least.  I know it involves a lot of lies which cloud the mind, but it takes a lot not to feed and believe the destructive pronouncements which run through my mind.  People deal with those things.

Life is a lot of adjust and adapt and compensate for the weaknesses.  Deal with it.  Just how it works. It is not a thing of being a victim really.

That brings me to my resistance to people being described as victims of hurricanes and other incidents in nature.  Come on.  Humans are made to find ways to steel themselves against the hostile environment in which we live.  That does not make us victims. What a stupid outlook.  If we are victims for living on earth then what is the alternative?  Things happen.  It is all physics and such and alleged scientists do not know it all. They know it some.  The ego bound doctors and scientists of the world want to halt advancement right here because they are lazy, arrogant, insufferable creeps.

Really adept scientists and doctors are not fearful of what they don't know.  They like to learn and convincing you of their superiority is not job 1, like it is for my hematologist.  Soon, I expect to can this guy.

For awhile I was so sick of this whole semi-cancer issue that I quit looking into it and all that.  But I cannot let it go because when the blood levels are left on their own, I get the itching attacks and such.  With or without treatment, fatigue is the norm.

Anyway, I am almost sure the dx is slightly off.  I will annoy anyone reading with initials, which I hate, but I don't care.  I do not think PV makes sense.  We are solidly in the realm of myeloproliferative disorders. Bone marrow malfunctions.  There are different ones.  I just don't think it makes sense to dx a disorder which is characterized by too many red blood cells when the count is normal or low.  And when anemia is a marked issue.  All that is low.  Other stuff is high, and I am thinking we need the bone marrow biopsy, even though I have avoided it.

But this crazy ass doctor is not who I want doing it.  He doesn't even read the file, and he ignores every symptom I describe, claiming those things are "separate issues, not related" to the blood troubles.  Wrong.  They are directly related and something is being missed.  I am almost too tired to care, but fortunately I can get enough anger going for some adrenalin to kick in.

Rational anger.  The kind that is measured but is based upon logic and solutions and lack of tolerance for ego bound, pompous nincompoops whose insistence on maintaining their superiority could cost years off your life.  I won't have it any more.  This is why I bring my good friend the ex trauma nurse with me.  Otherwise I might explode and end up in jail.  Seriously.

How did the medical world turn into this?  Oh well, lots of people manage to benefit.  And the ones who die aren't around to complain.  But, believe me, having a rare disease is very risky when you have a pompous egomaniac for a doctor.  They are too closed minded not to kill you before getting it right.

Being poor, depressed and sick make it difficult to get in front of the curve, but I will.  If I happen to die as a result of these creepy guys I hope their names are smeared by my friends.  Right now I will say, do not go to Dr Flores, internist or Dr Saven , oncologist/hematologist.  I want to punch both of them right now, or else get my money back.  Maybe in another life they'd be great, but the bureaucratic mess has brought out their cowardice in the form of arrogance and disrespect.  Afraid of being sued for being creepos who do not know it all.

Geez.  Doctors whose number one goal is shielding themselves from responsibility get no respect from me.  I've had it.  But I have a plan,. so we shall see.

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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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