Monday, February 24, 2014

No More Wake Up Calls. I Can't Afford It

The perpetual screw up is forever fielding wake up calls.   I hate wake up calls.  They always bring stark reality into focus and that is not what I want to see.  The reality is always the same.  The warnings always the same.

Wake up!!  You need more money because you may die or have health issues.
Wake up!!  You need more money so you can at least find a gold digger and pretend she gives a damn. Otherwise you will have to settle for being a solo vegetarian loser; no one wants you without a big payoff.
Wake Up!!! You need more money because the goddam Check Engine light came on at night, on the mountain, on the way home from playing with the local group for the first time in months.   Like all bands I've ever been part of they ignore my advice about the name.  There are other Copper Creeks so I do not approve of labeling the group such a thing.  Old news, done deal.

I want to name it "I Probably Need Money Because That Check Engine Light Might Mean I have to Pay Money".  Or maybe just call it Check Engine Light.

Haven't seen any other groups with that name.  I checked on line and there are other west coast Copper Creeks.  Same issue in Memphis.  Tons of bands with the same name as that band.  But it wasn't Copper Creek.

This group listens most of the time, so I can't complain.  I'm just really annoyed at this check engine madness.  I'm not feeling optimistic about things in general.   My faith in everything tends to wane.   I'm thinking that anyone with any sense would not love me.  So don't be talking for Jesus and them.  The rest of everyone only pretends sometimes because it is such a fun sadistic game.   Most people I get emotionally attached to,  are cruel sadists.  They deny it, I'm pretty sure.  Deny if they want, that changes nothing.

Check Engine Light.  You have no idea the string of senseless adjectives and expletives I am putting in front of those words in my mind.   I'd kick and punch it if I could.

Some of us hang by a thread and we always have.  Some of them have all the answers, but don't live in my skin so maybe they don't really know it all.  Maybe they do.  It should be very easy being me.  It is not easy or hard.  It mostly makes no sense.  At one time it made even less.

One little light can send me into a raging spiral diving straight into the dirt.  That doesn't make a lot of sense does it?  And those who can only imagine their own condition and have no ability to extrapolate from experience to conclude they do not know it all, have quippy, maddening wisdom at times like this.  But there are times when those things do not really fit the moment.  More sadist fun, I guess.

Never let them know they fazed you.  And soon enough you are back in the flow of things, provided that stupid Check Engine Light issue gets resolved or goes away for another 2 months.



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Ballistic Mountain, CA, United States
Like spring on a summer's day


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